<p>Hi...
I was searching for some advice on the internet and I found this site.
I was so worried for my son I needed every help that I can get..</p>
<p>my son goes to a private, boarding/day Catholic school in NY.
In February, he first got in trouble for entering the girl's dorm and spending the night with his girlfriend. My son first confessed everything when he was brought in front of the dean. After a few days, the school summoned both my son and me and told us that they found out my son had used drugs before going into his girlfriend's room. The punishment was to ban my son from the classes but still reward him with the diploma if he filled the graduation requirements by taking school-approved online courses because of his good record.. On the transcript, there will be no mentioning of any disciplinary actions. In terms of the classes that had been listed on the college application, it will say that my son has taken the same classes - except two - online. One elective is a different but similar class and one other class was waived from the high school. The transcript will also have the graduation date.</p>
<p>Now, I was advised by the school counselor that my son should notify the colleges himself because if they question the school regarding the changes in the transcript, the school will be straightforward. (I really should have asked HOW straight-forward) And my son will have no choice for ANY colleges because the deadline is due (the transcripts are sent in late June). So she suggests that he deals with this now and see the choices before choosing what college to go to. </p>
<p>The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that this will completely torpedo his college applications, especially when the acceptance rates are lower than ever.</p>
<p>Is it necessary that our family notify the colleges now?
Do we have any other options.....?</p>
<p>Do a search on last year’s thread started by BayAreaDad regarding his daughter’s end of senior year expulsion from her boarding school. There is a lot of good information in the thread. I don’t think your son’s college chances are doomed at all, but the situation will need to be handled carefully. Despite what others will tell you, most colleges are sympathetic to high school discipline issues, and recognize that boarding school kids are particularly likely to get in trouble since they are on the clock 24/7. I know this from our family’s own experience and the experiences of many others who have sent me private messages.</p>
<p>I would try to talk to a professional (reputable private college guidance councellor) about the situation. An initial consultation is usually about $300. Are you in NY (your sons school is I guess) Try to get Bruce Breimer on board – he’s a legend. In terms of dealing with school – can they prove your son was under the influence of drugs? If not, I would raise a major hullaboo. Otherwise what I would do: it seems that the Headmaster is willing to write a nice letter on your sons behalf – pin him down on that in writing (by email). Once you hear from all the schools – send in your $500 housing deposit to a few choices that includes a safety, better yet, if its feesable, send in the $2-3000 deposit to a few schools (make son work two jobs in summer to pay some of it back, what he did was truly excusable, just showed lack of judgment, IMO). Then, call the regional rep at admissions office to let them know of your issue, and they will probably ask you to write. I would omit the drug factor, unless the school had definite proof against him. Good luck. I think colleges know that its hard to be an 18 yo in BS.</p>
<p>I think a big lesson from Bay Area Dad’s posts from last year was that your problem is not the college applications, but the idea of sending a child who disobeys school rules and drug laws to college. The primary concern has to be dealing with your son and getting the help he needs so that when he does eventually go to college, he can be a success there.</p>
<p>The girl’s dorm thing is not a problem, but the drugs very well could be. You need to figure that out ASAP. It shows a serious lack of judgment to use drugs at boarding school at ALL, much less 2nd semester senior year. The consequences are just too great.</p>
<p>Honesty, integrity, truth. There’s simply no better solution to any given problem. I believe that all things will work out for the best – in the long-run, even if not in the short-run – if you step up to the plate, own the problem, and move forward with integrity from there. There’s no better way. It sounds to me like the high school staff gave your son very good advice and has done their part to do their best by him.</p>
<p>I really wish you luck with this very stressful, disappointing problem. You must be torn up with all sorts of emotions right now! Best wishes to all.</p>
<p>I’m sorry I did not see this thread until just today. You may have already taken whatever actions you felt were necessary, but if you want to share experience, feel free to pm me. It’s a pretty nerve-wracking situation.</p>
<p>I hope it turns (turned) out ok for you and your son.</p>
<p>I agree that it’s important to explore his drug use to be sure it is not a real problem for him. That would be my main concern. </p>
<p>And yeah, the whole situation shows bad judgment, but he’s a kid. This doesn’t excuse it, but from the info you provide, these transgressions are not HORRIBLE. </p>
<p>If we questioned the idea of “sending a child who disobeys school rules and drug laws to college” there would be several hundred thousand kids not going to college, and not staying in college!</p>
<p>I hope this works out for him or has worked out already. Would you let us know what happened?</p>