So I am currently a month into my freshman year at a highly religious school very close to my home (about 20 minutes.) This was always my absolute last choice school that I never even considered attending, but after getting into dream schools like Georgetown, Smith, NYU, etc and receiving lackluster financial aid packages, found that it was the school that my mom wanted me to go to for money and “moral” reasons. I was willing to take on a bit of debt (probably would have been around $10,000 a year in loans, the rest was taken care of) but my mom guilt-tripped me and convinced me to attend her alma-mater, something she’s been trying to do for years.
And now I’m here and I absolutely HATE it. Not only am I surrounded by my high school classmates, but I feel as though I don’t relate to anyone on campus (it’s a Mormon school and I am HIGHLY liberal, so my beliefs on gay marriage/abortion/gender roles/etc. are widely disagreed with.) I’m living in the same place I’ve lived my whole life at a school that doesn’t have what I want with a culture I absolutely detest. But, I don’t know if it’s worth it to transfer next year and go into debt.
Everyone says undergrad doesn’t matter but I don’t know if I want to be this unhappy for the next four years. What should I do?
How much are your parents willing to pay out of pocket for school each year? Once you know that, maybe you can find a suitable school that won’t require large student debt.
Tough situation. But not unusual in Utah, unfortunately. Can you at least transfer to University of Utah? Are you living on campus? WUE gives reduced OOS tuition rates to some other western state universities, but I am not sure if they are available to transfer students. You could check. I am just trying to think of options that might be similar in price that maybe your mom would agree to.
@dyiu13 They’re willing to pay $25,000 tops, but I have some outside scholarship money that is helping. Most schools gave me about $20,00 in grants, some more.
@dyiu13 So my mom has always been worried about me simply because I’m a democrat and I don’t identify with the mormon religion the way she wants me to, so she believed that if I went to a liberal school I would be led astray even more than I already had been. I was recruited to play soccer at Smith and my dad was willing to make it work, but my mom was very against it due to how liberal it was. What resulted was a month-long fight between the parents that I was sure was going to end in divorce, so I ended up choosing BYU basically to bring order back to my family. So yeah…basically anything liberal=immoral and evil
Fill out your transfer application for the University of Utah now. No debt, much more liberal environment (still nowhere near as liberal as say, CU Boulder though), and a haven for people who would never fit into the BYU culture. You would also be near the heart of Salt Lake City which would significantly increase your social opportunities.
[Here’s the information for transfer applications](http://admissions.utah.edu/apply/undergraduate/transfer/). Looks like the application deadline for Spring 2016 semester is in November although it’s always better to fill it out ahead of time.
@intparent my mom is more open to it now after seeing how unhappy I truly am despite trying to have a good attitude…but needless to say the majority of discussion will be with my dad lol
Can you withdraw/take a leave of absence at the end of this semester ? If you only have 12credits or fewer you may protect your freshman status at *some * universities and still apply for scholarships. (If you’re currently in 15-16 credits you may have to drop a class before the W deadline-look into it quickly). As a transfer student you wouldn’t have access to the same scholarship opportunities as a freshman.
@sunnyangeleri I’m so sorry. I’m wondering, is there pressure from the church on your parents for you to go to BYU? I’ve heard of that happening. I’m glad you went with a good attitude but there wasn’t a lot of hope that you would fit in. My daughters have an openly Mormon boy in their classes in our MA high school and they say he sticks out like an alien (sorry to be blunt, their words). He doesn’t believe in evolution or abortion or gay marriage and everyone around here rolls eyes at his cluelessness – I think anyone with liberal views would be absolutely miserable at BYU. FWIW, he can’t wait to get to BYU.
Contact Smith, see if they can help you. I’ve met their admissions and financial aid officers, who are very used to dealing with complicated situations. They’ve already accepted you, so you’re not asking them to accept an unqualified candidate; asking for their help getting out of a toxic environment may be productive. Please let us know how it goes!
@MYOS1634 Unfortunately we are already at midterms and I am currently enrolled in 16 credits worth of classes, so I think that it is too late for that. I’m coming to realize that transfers are at even more of a disadvantage than I was as an incoming freshmen, so I’m feeling a bit hopeless. Hopefully something will work out.
Suck it up and take your parents money for BYU. You can go to a graduate school of your choosing and attempt to repair your liberal sensibilities if they’re too badly damaged.
I disagree : Byu is not a place where you go and “suck it up”. It’s an intensely religious place. Socially, it’d be very difficult for teens who aren’t fully on board with the LDS ethos. Many students are married, for instance. The restrictions on behavior go further than the typical prohibition on drinking- coffee or even for some students, tea, is barred for religious reasons. The code students must adhere to specifies clothing tailoring and hair style. In short, you go hecause you adhere to the tenets of the faith and ardently wish to apply them in your everyday life.
Op : instead of supposing you can’t drop a class at midterms time, check: there’s a reason the drop period ends AFTER said midterms about everywhere. Many students find themselves in a pickle and take the w at this point. Avail yourself of this opportunity if it’s there.
Email the Smith coach and explain your mother was afraid you’d be led astray but your heart is set on Smith, would there still be a possible spot for you on the team if you managed to transfer to Smith?
Email admissions there : explain your situation as you did to the coach, ask about transfers both in terms of admission criteria and financial aid.
Do the same at mount Holyoke, Agnes Scott, etc.
Email admissions at Hendrix, Lewis&Clark, Wheaton (ma ), Hampshire, NCF. Ask their transfer profile and fa situation.
Look into UAlabama, Umn twin cities, and boulder, all of which have decent transfer policies and merit aid.
What’s your parents budget ?
Clothing? Hairstyle? Sounds like the USNA at Annapolis in some of those ways. Lots of plebes and midshipmen suck it up. It’s only 4 years. You have the rest of your life to cut loose.
Yes, but ALL of these midshipmen are enthusiastic about being there, just like the BYU students typically are. However you don’t enlist at the USNA just cause it’s nearby and cheap. There’s a sense of mission. If you don’t share it and don’t want to be there - don’t be.
OP should not be at BYU if she doesn’t share in the mission and LDS ethos. It’s a serious commitment.
@JustOneDad Trust me, I came in with as good of an attitude as one could want. But it’s true, it’s hard to just “suck it up” at a place like BYU. The commitment goes beyond just dress–it’s like a whole different world. And I’m not worried about damaging my “liberal senses”–however, I appreciate the condescension! I’m not sure if I’m willing to feel alienated and miserable for four years. Sorry, I value mental health, and it’s incredibly disheartening being in a place where not only the students but also the professors shove LDS doctrine down your throat. I don’t like being told that marriage should come before work on a daily basis, or that homosexuality is a sin, or even that being a Democrat is evil! These may seem like little things to someone like you, but they add up–it’s just not the educational or social environment I want. No one likes feeling like they’re a sinner amongst saints 24/7. Don’t worry, though. If I don’t end up transferring, I’ll be sure to “suck it up” like you said. Thanks for the wonderful advice!!!
@MYOS1634 Thank you so much for all of your advice, I really appreciate it! BYU is a strange, strange place, that’s for sure.
I’ll be sure to look into that ASAP. I don’t believe it’s still possible, but I’ll clarify before i jump to conclusions. The Smith coach told me that he’d be happy to have me, so that’s still an option, and I think I’ll email the Smith admissions regarding financial aid and transfer eligibility tomorrow. Right now I’m scoping out all of my options, there has to be something out there that might work.
My parents can probably contribute around $20k a year. I’m hoping to make around $6k this summer, which I know won’t make much of a dent, but anything helps I guess.
boulder, all of which have decent transfer policies and merit aid.