I have said it on the internet before that I’ll never study out of state. Well, I have been doing some thinking and I am considering applying to out of state since I would like more options. My mom worries about expenses. The problem with in state is that there is only one university in my state with an affordable (BS and MS too) Ph.D program for my major by her standards. And it’s BYU. I’ve also been doing thinking about that and I realize that I don’t think I’d be a good fit for a religious university. I may go to church often and I’m not an atheist, but I’m generally apathetic towards religion since I don’t think I have ever benefitted personally from it.
I am thinking of applying to universities with good financial aid.
In her eyes, financial aid barely covers tuition for most universities. I know that there are some universities out there with decent financial aid that covers most costs. And I plan on job hunting soon (influx of on campus jobs next semester due to opening multiple stores on campus this spring). As far as I know that is the main issue. If that was resolved she’d probably let me.
Is there any way I can convince her? What exactly would I say to her? She is generally pretty stubborn. At least I have a couple of years before I plan on leaving. I thought I’d consider this problem sooner rather than later.
Feel free to ask me questions if you need clarification on anything.
I am not in high school anymore. I am a freshman in college and I intend on doing a physics major when I transfer but for now I am doing computer science.
If you are financially dependent on your mom, you may need to convince her to let you go out of state. The way to do that is to get all your ducks in a row, figure out a plan that makes sense financially, crunch all the numbers, and present it to her.
For your undergraduate studies, check out the Western Undergraduate Exchange (WUE) - Tuition Savings program. It doesn’t apply to every school or every major, but it’s worth looking into. Save On College Tuition | Western Undergraduate Exchange (WUE)
When it comes to graduate school, unless she is still paying your bills, she doesn’t have a say in the matter. Go where you want.
If it’s emotional issue rather than (or in addition to) a financial one, I think it’s a combination of letting her get used to the idea and helping her to understand that you have really thought things out and this is the best plan for you.
Being in Utah, you are pretty isolated. It’s not like living in New Jersey where there are a ton of colleges in-state and lots just over the border in a few other states. For undergrad, you might want to stay relatively close to home and look in surrounding states. Again, check out the WUE link I posted above.
(Remember from another of your questions that you don’t need to do your undergraduate and graduate degrees in the same place.)
And if you are looking at a PhD in physics or similar, the Masters is often a part of the PhD- and you don’t pay for it: you get tuition included plus a stipend to live on in exchange for your work as a teaching and/or research assistant.
It is very common to get a Bachelor’s degree from one university, then a Master’s or PhD or both from a different university. I have met people who got all three at the same university, but this seems to be rare. PhD’s are usually fully funded even if you are out of state or at a private university.
You are from a WICHE / WUE state (WUE is the undergraduate part of WICHE). Have you looked to see if there are other WUE universities that have good programs for your desired major and that would be affordable?
What is this opinion based on? Have you and your mom actually run Net Price Calculators for some representative schools that meet full need? What financial aid will cover depends on your particular financial profile.
I agree with looking at WUE schools. However, if BYU is an affordable transfer destination because you can live at home, I don’t think the religion factor should be a deal-killer. It’s a good school academically, and you can certainly lay low on the religion front for two years and focus on getting into a funded PhD program in a better-fit location. It’s a solid backup plan at the very least.
It’s tough to make specific recommendations without knowing your academic stats, your maximum budget, and whether the aid you’re eligible for gets your cost of attendance down to that budget at schools that meet need.
True, but. If she doesn’t get into grad school none of this matters. And her odds and options are a whole lot better if she has a BS in physics than one in CS.
It’s not considered ideal. The idea is that you’ll learn more from interacting with two sets of faculty than one.
And onto the question at hand. I knew a young woman who wanted to go out of state and her parents forbade it. I had her tell her father “I’m disappointed, of course, but I understand you want what’s best for me. There’s a silver lining. It’ll let me be closer to my boyfriend, Spike. You’ll like him, Dad, and you’ll like his motorcycle. You have a lot in common, like you’re both about the same age.”
So you are going to finish your undergrad where you are and then go to grad school? Talk to your professors and get their recommendations. They may know of programs where there is funding.
My daughter just started a masters program and has ‘full’ funding, which is tuition, fees, insurance and a stipend to live on (if she lives VERY frugally). Her profs from undergrad helped her (she’s at the same school, but they would have helped her if another school was better too). During her application process they really walked her through it as not everything on the website was current (pre-covid). For example, she didn’t need the GRE (big relief for her) and they were a lot more encouraging about the funding than I was (I really didn’t think she’d get it!)
BYU is a very good school, and you might find the graduate school very different from the undergrad. Grad students are older (although at BYU often undergrads are a year or two older because of missions). Usually they are more focused on academics and less on the politics of the school. If your mother is willing to fund you at BYU, look into it. If she’s not funding your grad degree, look to schools that have funding.
U of Utah has a PhD program in physics. Are you in Utah?
How do you convince your mom? You find a college that you can afford. As mom is paying for it, the price is dependent on her. If you are Mormon at BYU, good luck with convincing her that anywhere else is going to be safe or give you a quality (in her eyes) education. Nobody can tell you how to do that as thats a whole different issue than simply choosing a college to transfer to.
You are trying to convince her you should leave based on the fact that there is not a PhD program at BYU but as several have pointed out, this is irrelevant as its very rare (and many will not recommend) that you go bachelors to PhD all at the same university.
I would recommend Utah over BYU for grad school any day of the week. However, the trick will be to get into grad school without a degree in physics. Possible? Sure. A good idea? Not so much.
Yeah, to me this all sounds like more of a ‘if your mom can be convinced to invest in you and let you have some control over your life as a young adult’ more than for a specific school/location choice. If she is paying for it all or most of it you will need to get her blessing, otherwise you can strike out and abandon her and claim your independence but that is a) more expensive and b) difficult.
You’re in college, so if she doesn’t believe you can make good decisions now, when will that happen? I trust my freshman to participate in and make a lot of his decisions at this point, and like you’re saying, if he needs our money he has to convince us. Look at some of the old classic persuasive argument techniques, things you no doubt have had to learn about in school already - appeal to whatever you need to, but it is your life. If you have to choose between no more financial aid from your parents or borrowing to finish undergrad elsewhere, I think i’d lean toward planning to shape the bachelors as much as I can where you are, then cut ties and go independent for grad school, strike out and move out. That’s not an easy thing, but hopefully your friends and family would support you then, including her.
Good luck. I hope regardless of this one decision, your mom will listen to you and be flexible. She will need that in the long run as you move on in life, so now is the time to start.