Help me with my essay please!

College Essays
1

<p>I'm happy with the beginning and most of the middle, but I'm having trouble kind of wrapping it up I guess. Read it and help please?</p>

<p>The mechanics of the body and its functions have always been of great interest to me, and over the course of many years, I have been passionate about pursuing a career in the medical field. There have been several occupations that have consistently appealed to me over the course of time: A doctor, a teacher, a nurse, a physical therapist and an occupational therapist. All of these jobs share a distinct common factor; they all involve helping people, something I am extremely passionate about.</p>

<p>I have spent many hours researching and analyzing my prospective career choices, and have come to the conclusion that occupational therapy is the perfect fit for me for several reasons.</p>

<p>I am often asked “Why occupational therapy?" While it an obvious fact that doctors and nurses are crucial to the medical profession, something that is often overlooked is how crucial occupational therapists are as well. I believe occupational therapy is just as rewarding as being a doctor or nurse because in occupational therapy, you interact with a variety of people on a very personal level, and become truly invested in the patient and their life. Making a difference in someone’s life can have long term benefits and rewards, both for the patient and the therapist.</p>

<p>As an occupational therapist, there are many opportunities to impact another's life. One client could need help with basic activities of daily living such as bathing, toileting and dressing, and your care could make it possible for them to complete those without assistance. Another client might have a disability that requires them to have modifications made for them at work so they can continue living a normal life, and an occupational therapist can arrange those and assess the client's progress.</p>

<p>I am comfortable with my decision, the prospect of my future, and the knowledge that I have, and will hopefully be able to pursue my dreams on the path that D'Youville College presents.</p>

<p>The part I italicized is what I'm kind of unhappy with, and I feel like there needs to be more too. Help!</p>

2

<p>I’m going to be honest; I hope you don’t mind.</p>

<p>Your essay is extremely bland and applicable to almost anyone. Make it personal. Sure, “there are many opportunities to impact another’s life.” But how have YOU impacted another’s life? Anecdotes are key. Also, I’d try to cut out the “over the course of time.” Say it once–ie, occupational therapy has consistently appealed to me–but don’t say you’ve researched for, show it. Have you had an internship, or a particularly meaningful interaction with someone in a therapy session? Focus on that. You’ll be surprised how much you can say about just one moment.</p>

<p>That being said, you’re clearly passionate and have lots of potential. Best of luck to you!</p>

3

<p>I used almost the exact same essay when I was applying in HS (it was for nursing not OT, but I copy and pasted from that essay and changed nursing to OT) and I got into 9/11 schools, so I’m thinking it’s pretty good…</p>

4

<p>It’s not a bad essay, but it certainly doesn’t make you stand out. What schools, if you don’t mind me asking?</p>

5

<p>Ithaca College, D’Youville College, Misericordia University (for sure), and maybe some more.</p>