Please look at my essay!

College Essays
1

<p>This is the essay I'm planning on using for Temple, SUNY Binghamton and and Nazareth College.</p>

<p>Please read and critique/give suggestions.</p>

<p>The mechanics of the body and it’s functions have always been of great interest to me, and over the course of many years, I have been passionate about pursuing a career in the medical field. There have been several occupations that have consistently appealed to me over the course of time: A doctor, a teacher, and a nurse. All of these jobs share a distinct common factor; they all involve helping people, something I am extremely passionate about.</p>

<p>I have spent many hours researching and analyzing my prospective career choices, and have come to the conclusion that nursing is the perfect fit for me for several reasons.</p>

<p>I am often asked “Why nursing? Why not just be a doctor?” While it an obvious fact that doctors are crucial to the medical profession, something that is often overlooked is how crucial nurses are too. I believe nursing is just as rewarding as being a doctor because in nursing, you interact with a variety of people on a very personal level, and truly become invested in the patient. Even if only for a moment, making a difference in someone’s life can have long-term benefits and rewards, both for the patient and the nurse.</p>

<p>Nurses need to be able to keep their cool and act responsibly when under pressure, and I believe that is one of my strengths. I have worked in fast-paced environments where there have been many people who wanted me to do multiple things at once, and that has taught me how to be efficient and organized while still performing well. There have also been times that I’ve had to deal with rude customers who really got to me, but didn’t let them affect my work.</p>

<p>I am comfortable with my decision, the prospect of my future, and the knowledge that I have, and will hopefully be able to pursue my dreams on the path that Drexel University presents.</p>

2

<p>sounds good. maybe you could give an example of a fast-paced environment you have worked in or a time where you had to be quick on your feet</p>

3

<p>the only comment I can give you and the comment that I need to focus on myself is actually to Show and not tell. I agree with admit123, maybe give an example of a fast-paced environment. You could start off the essay in a scene where you have been given all these tasks to accomplish by a certain time and describe your emotions and reactions to the idea. Make it personal. I just feel that the beginning is too unoriginal. You want the first sentence and even better , the first paragraph, to jump out at the reader and make him/her remember the essay even after reading three or four others. Start of personal, then jump in to the actual essay where you get serious and talk about what you said above. Sorry if this was too harsh, but I have the same problem so I think this could work.</p>