Help?!? My daughter isn't falling in love with Barnard

Colleges and Universities A-Z Barnard College
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<p>@ mamma - You sound like a great student. I think my daughter would have enjoyed hanging out with you in college (you might have even met). She is also sporty and fun loving. I think there are probably lots of students like you and my daughter who were accepted and even attend the school, but maybe they were on the sidelines. Or not.</p>

<p>@calmom - Of course it is SC. But don’t think I got visions of Ivy level prestige from my daughter’s recruitment. Heck, I had those vision in the labor and delivery room. Her father is an Ivy graduate and that is admittedly why we put her in LA’s top prep-school. The idea was to maximize her opportunities and her options. And I simply think, for an LA kid, Barnard and similar East Coast schools would do that more than USC. </p>

<p>You are, however, right about fit. And since my daughter is as strong willed as her parents, we know we can’t force her to do anything she doesn’t want. Even if we hold all of the purse strings.</p>

<p>So when USC is once again able to play in post season bowl games, look for me in the stands. I’ll be the mom with wearing the SC gear with a Barnard t-shirt underneath.</p>

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<p>As a current student, I can vouch for the part of Barnard who goes out on the weekends. There’s lot to do at Columbia and throughout New York. Barnard students can’t typically host parties, though, because reslife is very strict.</p>

<p>There’s a difference between a school like Barnard, where some students stay in and do work on weekends and other students find their fun elsewhere, and a school like Swarthmore where students really have no choice.</p>

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<p>I’d like to insert and say that there are various forms of what a person thinks about when the word “college” comes to mind. Some imagine football games and tailgating and some imagine big, hard classes and hella competition. Some imagine a place full of geniuses and some imagine a bunch of frat houses getting drunk every weekend. For me, I imagine small, liberal arts classes of people theorizing. I think I’ve used the phrase “intellectual bastion” a bit too much on this site, but it’s really what I think about.</p>

<p>That’s what Barnard is (I’m an ED student). I must say that I had a great discussion with the students about boys and partying. In fact, I had a conversation with my hostess about girls who study all the time vs girls who manage to find party time. She thought that girls who find a little time to let go have more fun and may get the same grades as those who buckle down. True, there aren’t parties each night. But one of my hostess’s friends was part of a sorority. She was bubbly, sweet, and smart.</p>

<p>When I was there, it was Greek Games weekend. The girls were having fun. They were very NOT boring. I inserted here because I don’t think your daughter saw a full picture of what Barnard could be, which is what I believe the first weekend saw. No, there’s no rah-rah, and girls admit that. They don’t bond over hockey (like in Cornell) or over football (like in, well, every other school). Barnard bonds over the arts and feminism. Rah-rah, yey WOMEN (and the occasional acapella performance!). I like that. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea.</p>

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<p>Actually, from what you say, it sounds like your d. was raised from early childhood with a certain set of parental expectations, and while touring college campuses as a young woman has come face to face with the reality that she has a mind of her own and the freedom to make her own choices. And that she wants something somewhat different than what mom & dad had in mind. </p>

<p>USc is geographically close, but psychologically it’s a world away. For one thing, her mom hates the place – so that’s a pretty good sign that it’s a good way to strike out on her own. </p>

<p>I guess in hindsight it might have been better if she could have found a rah-rah type safety that was farther away, roughly equivalent academically to USC, & less expensive. But then again, maybe she’s confident enough in her independence that she doesn’t feel a need to add distance to the equation. </p>

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<p>LOL. Well, at least you’ve got a great attitude.</p>

<p>I have to tell you, “maximizing opportunities” is not about attending prestige schools. There are opportunities to be found in many places. You may be surprised at the path your d. takes at USC or whatever college she chooses.</p>

<p>Life also throws curves, and choice of college is a very trivial issue in the long run. I mean – really – USC is well-respected and probably more well known than Barnard (if only because of its football team).</p>

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<p>My daughter is on her way to Barnard tomorrow. Not sure how she is feeling but worst case I’ll be sitting in the stands with mommy dearest at USC. I hope she falls in love tomorrow!!</p>

<p>Not saying anything negative about USC. It’s just too far away.</p>

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<p>I would absolutely choose USC if I were her. Barnard particularly can be eclectic and I would argue USC is just as prestigious as Barnard. I think people are either right for barnard or they are not; and it sounds like she is not. I think she is making the right choice. If she goes to Barnard I can see her being unhappy, but she will love USC. Also college is very different from high school even if you are only a few miles away.</p>

<p>Trust her choice is my advice…I think she’s right.</p>

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And Mommie dearest thinks it’s too close. Maybe you two should just trade houses. ;)</p>

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<p>Slipper, Why do you say that? What makes a person " right" for Barnard? She doesn’t even know herself what she wants that is why she is meeting a very “cool” Barnard friend this weekend to show her around. I will be ok with both.</p>

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<p>I think slipper just picked up on the comments that OP’s daughter wanted rah-rah type of school with strong school spirit. I liked the comment of a Barnard student in another thread that “There are a few great moments of community spirit every semester, but it’s not terribly ubiquitous.” at Barnard – it kind of expresses the environment. </p>

<p>Barnard simply isn’t that type of school. I don’t think most LAC’s are that type of school, so it’s not really something to fault Barnard over. I mean, it’s not like the kid can hop on over to Bryn Mawr or Bard and find a more rah-rah type of environment – but the point is, if someone is looking for that kind of collegiate environment, Barnard is probably not the right fit. </p>

<p>Your d. will know if she’s “right” for Barnard if she feels excited about whatever she learns when she visits. It’s good that she has a friend to show her around-- my daughter did the same thing when she first visited Barnard, and in some ways I think that’s better than tours arranged by the college or an admitted student event. My d’s friend was someone she had known from high school days and so what my d. learned came from a trusted friend (not a sales pitch) – and at the same time, my d. could view the information in light of what she already knew about her friend’s personality and interests.</p>

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<p>Bookmarked. OP, if your D ends up in LA, hope our kids cross paths! He wouldn’t do “multicultural” invites, and we didn’t do Jack and Jill, but they probably have a few things in common!</p>

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<p>Stalkermama, </p>

<p>Barnard is not the typical college experience. I think any Barnard student would agree. If the OP’s daughter was choosing between Cornell and USC I would say Cornell in a heartbeat. I agree that the east coast college experience might open her eyes to a different perspective, and I think Mommie Dearest is doing the right thing by trying to expand the horizons of her daughter.</p>

<p>My issue is that this is choice between what sounds like a pretty good fit (USC) and what could be a slightly bad fit (Barnard). I think Barnard is perhaps the most perfect school anywhere for certain students looking for a female-only, independent, environment. But its not for everyone, and it sounds like its not your daughter.</p>

<p>A Cornell, Duke, Northwestern, Georgetown, or Michigan would have probably been a nice balance, but I think Barnard is too extreme.</p>

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<p>“Her life but my nickel?” Hm. I would never feel that way. I sent both of mine to private colleges and I let each decide. If I would be spending the same amount of money either way, I saw my role only as advisor.</p>

<p>Had it been me, I might have preferred Smith to Barnard, Vassar to Williams (I thought the academics might have been too rigorous for my slightly slacker son.) Who was right? They were because they really learned, graduated within four years, earned their own spending money, became responsible adults and are ready to take on the next phase of life.</p>

<p>I may have been right that Smith would have provided more paid internships and S’s GPA might be a bit higher had he attended Vassar, but each had the experience s/he wanted.</p>

<p>I don’t think money should be used as an instrument of control.</p>

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<p>slipper1234 said:

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<p>It also was perfect for my daughter who was absolutely NOT looking for a “female-only” environment. I do believe Barnard to be atypical among women’s colleges in that there are, in fact, boys on campus.</p>

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<p>Lets see what happens. I will report as soon as i hear!! Thanks everyone for caring!</p>

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<p>Hiiii, i didn’t read ur entire thread but I visited barnard too on the open weekend on the 18th and felt the EXACT SAME way!!!
"Barnard is just “alright.” Supposedly, she finds most of the the students smart, shy and boring. She finds the campus small and lacking in school spirit. "</p>

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<p>*barnard and cornell are better schools than usc…
If she does end up going to barnard we’ll be friends haha</p>

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<p>I did not get along with any of the girls because I felt they were very serious about school and while academics are important, I felt like I would never find the group of friends to go out with. I personally found the setting extremely boring. Many current students have told me that partying does not go on and most people just stay in their dorms on weekends doing homework. I am interested in the whole college experience with strong academics, various extracurricular activities, and a nice social setting where I can make good friends. It seemed like an artsy, “hipster-y” type of school with eclectic people and sporty girls like me just don’t exist. It seems like a great place for shy girls who did not stand out in high school who want to become the strong women they’ve always dreamed of, but not for someone who is looking for a traditional college experience. I don’t want to discourage anyone from attending. Barnard just was not the place for me-it was just a personal thing. I couldn’t see myself going there at all, and if your daughter can’t either, it might not be the right school.</p>

<p>OMG ME TOO. It feels like all the losers are cool at barnard, and all the popular kids (in high school) are now losers, bc the majority are nerds. (no offense to anyone) i just mean that the people i met were all nerds at the weekend of the 18th and thats why I almost rejected barnards offer of admission… I just hope that there are some people who don’t want to lock themselves in their dorm studying every night and SOMEONE with some fashion sense!! i was like *** are people wearing!!</p>

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<p>“OMG ME TOO. It feels like all the losers are cool at barnard, and all the popular kids (in high school) are now losers, bc the majority are nerds. (no offense to anyone) i just mean that the people i met were all nerds at the weekend of the 18th and thats why I almost rejected barnards offer of admission… I just hope that there are some people who don’t want to lock themselves in their dorm studying every night and SOMEONE with some fashion sense!! i was like *** are people wearing!!”</p>

<p>With that attitude, yeah, people will look down on you. Why exactly haven’t you turned down Barnard’s offer yet?</p>

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<p>There are many fashion minded folk at Barnard, but their sense might be more sophisticated than just wearing latest brands.</p>

<p>But as the mother of a Barnard grad in law school in NYC, I agree that work and academics take a front seat. I think that’s as it should be, and so did she.</p>

<p>She did make very good friends and do some very fun things, but you would probably call her a nerd. She would proudly call herself a dork.</p>

<p>FWIW: A Barnard grad co-starred with Natalie Portman in No Strings Attached and one is one of the four wonderful women in Sex and the City and one played Rory’s mom on Gilmore Girls. But maybe you’d think as beautiful and accomplished as they are, they were all boring, nerdy people.</p>

<p>But if it’s not the right atmosphere for you, I hope one of your other acceptances is more pleasing. I wish you well.</p>

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<p>2011Ivy – I am guessing from your screen name that you are someone who really wanted to attend an Ivy, but were probably turned down by your top choice colleges. </p>

<p>IF you are in that position, then I think you have to understand this: Barnard is not the consolation prize for students turned down by Ivies. It is a wonderful and unique college in its own right. But it may not be a good place for students who are going to spend 4 years wanting it to be something else.</p>

<p>If you also applied to and were turned down from Columbia – then I’ve got news from you. Whatever complaints you may have about the lack of school spirit, partying, and nerdy students who spend most of their time in their dorm rooms studying: as compared to Barnard, Columbia is the same or worse. A lot worse. All you have to do i read the discussion on the Columbia threads to verify that.</p>

<p>This is largely a function of the workload and admission policies of the schools. In order to get into Columbia these days, a student has to have amazing stats – and those admission policies tend to weed out the “fun” kids from high school. And Columbia is hard work. While there is probably no difference between the academic demands of individual Barnard and Columbia classes, Columbia students have the core and many are enrolled in more classes during a semester than Barnard students, especially during the first semester when Barnard advisors encourage their students to take a lighter course load. </p>

<p>As a parent, I do wonder how anyone can complain of being “bored” or having nothing to do when they are living in NEW YORK CITY. Bu if you expect the college to provide you with your social life, then I can see how that happens. It’s not that all the students are locked in their rooms studying. It’s that the door is often locked and nobody is home, because if they are not studying, then they are out and about. Dorm rooms are not seen as places for partying or entertaining, in part because of dorm policies that discourage that – and in part because there is SO MUCH to do off campus. </p>

<p>I think you may be confusing the relative social maturity of Barnard/Columbia students with lack of a social life. I think most Barnard/Columbia students arrive on campus ready to focus on their studies, not worried about the party scene. Perhaps some students who want a more “traditional” college environment – parties and sports and team spirit – won’t be a good fit for Barnard/Columbia because they aren’t emotionally ready for the academic demands as well as the demand for self-sufficiency that the environment creates. </p>

<p>As a parent, I honestly feel that Barnard gave my daughter MORE of “college” experience than just about any other school I can think of. Her Barnard life was focused on learning, she always had interesting classes and she had amazing profs. My d. was not a “shy” or nerdy kid from high school – quite the contrary – but she did change in college to become a more serious, intellectually focused student.</p>

<p>But I think that some students are looking for a “social” experience that Barnard doesn’t really offer. If you want that --fine – then you are wise to realize that Barnard isn’t the place for you. But it isn’t because Barnard students are boring or lack a social life. It’s just that they are interested in other things.</p>