<p>I applied to three colleges: UGA, GT, and Ga State. I got into UGA and Ga State but got wait-listed by Georgia Tech. My parents (especially my mom) were really set on me going to Georgia Tech, even though I'm not interested in the engineering or computer science field. (My sister graduated from GT) From my two options that I have, I prefer UGA for countless reasons. But my mom wants me to go to Ga State and commute (45 min. drive) and she wants me to transfer to GT after a year. I don't feel that drawn to going to Georgia Tech anymore and I have my mind set on UGA. One of the problems that my mom has is that I would have to live on campus at UGA. She doesn't want me to be away from home because she's afraid she won't know my grades and she won't be able to monitor my studying. Her rationale for this really makes me angry and upset. I would rather be in a new environment and my own living space but she would rather have me stay at home so that she can constantly involve herself in my studies. And despite the fact that UGA is ranked higher than Ga State, she always brings up her idea that I won't have a job when I graduate because "a degree from UGA is worthless". I have tried to explain how upset this makes me to her but she won't listen to me. Every time I try to explain my perspective, it ends in her yelling at me. My dad is passive in the matter. The commitment deposit is due now and I don't know what to do. She doesn't want to make the deposit for UGA and if this goes on any longer, it would be too late for me to make a decision and I won't be able to attend any college. What should I do?</p>
<p>I’m sorry for your difficult situation. The first thing you must do is be calm and logical when talking with your parents. Perhaps enlist your high school counselor for help. Also, read other postings here from people who were in the same situation as you.
It is logical that you would not consider GT because you don’t want a degree they offer. Many schools have online grades access for which you could provide your mother. You are right to want to be in a new environment and your own living space, as the college experience is an important one in your life. Your mother’s comment that a degree from UGA is worthless is asinine. Of course, you can’t say that to her using the same word as me. A degree from any college is useful. If you want to argue against her on it, perhaps look up UGA graduation placement to see where graduates got jobs.</p>
<p>You might want to remind your mother that a degree from UGA is more prestigious than a degree from Georgia State, and that there is no guarantee of your being accepted to transfer to Georgia Tech. Check out the transfer statistics for GT…are they liberal in accepting transfers?</p>
<p>Who will be paying for your education? Is dad the one who will write the checks? Then find out if he is willing to do so.</p>
<p>There is absolutely no guarantee that you will be able to transfer to GT next year. If that is your intent, and you need to live at home to save money, you probably would be better off to attend your local community college (which is almost certain to be less expensive than Ga State), complete a full associates degree, and then transfer to the in-state university that has the best transfer agreement with that community college.</p>
<p>Did your sister commute to GT? If not, why is your mom insisting that you commute? Have you given her evidence that you aren’t as responsible as your sister?</p>
<p>If you do end up commuting, remember that you don’t ever have to spend one second studying at home. Go to class, and then do your schoolwork in the library. Get a job on campus, get involved in some extra-curricular activities on campus, make friends with people who live in the dorms or apartments near campus, and just go home to do your laundry, eat, and sleep. I’ve known plenty of commuter students who barely go home from one week to the next because it gets to be so late that they just stay over with friends on/near campus.</p>
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<p>However, if the OP’s mother wants her to live at home and commute for control reasons (rather than money reasons), the OP’s mother will probably want to impose a curfew on the OP.</p>
<p>If your mother is going to be that controlling, it might be worth working, getting a place of your own, and just going to school part time so you can have your own space and freedom. She is not treating you like a young adult. What is she going to do, write papers for you to guarantee A’s or something? It’s your job to pass your classes and worry about grades. It’s her job to let you become an adult.</p>
<p>@beolein Thank you for the advice, I will look into that.</p>
<p>@happymomof1 Although my mother and father are capable of paying the fees for dorms and the meal plan, my mother has made it clear that I will be on my own financially. Most of my tuition is covered by Hope (all but about $600) but I would still have to come up with $12,000 a year for all of the other expenses. The commuting is not what specifically bothers me, it is just the fact that she doesn’t trust that I am an adult and that I can learn on my own and make decisions for myself. I feel that this Ga State proposition is just a “foot in the door” for her and that soon she will be pressuring me to change my majors and job choices to suit those that she prefers.</p>
<p>@teachandmom I’d like to show her that I can be independent but I don’t want our relationship to suffer as a result. I love her but she constantly picks at my flaws and makes me feel really insecure about myself. She also adds unneeded stress on me and constantly asks me about “my plan”, and when I tell her about the paths I have been thinking about, she completely tears them down and so now I refrain from telling her anything about what I plan to do because I don’t want to be made upset over my future anymore.</p>
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If you think there’s any chance of convincing your parents to pay for you to go to UGA then you could always send UGA the deposit yourself. You don’t need your parents for that. Of course that means that if you don’t actually go you’ll lose the $300 (or whatever). This assumes you have $300. This would buy you some more time to negotiate with them. However, keep in mind that at some point you’d also likely have to make a housing deposit or possibly lose out on housing if they fill up.</p>
<p>If you’re convinced they won’t budge on the point then making the deposit will be a waste of $300.</p>
<p>I don’t think it’d be a good idea to pay that $300 without including your parents on your decision to do so but maybe if your mom sees you’re willing to spend your own savings on this she’ll realize how serious you are about it. You don’t want to drive a wedge by excluding them.</p>
<p>Notice I didn’t phrase this as “won’t let you go” - I phrased it as “won’t pay for it”. </p>
<p>Before you get too upset about all of this make sure you understand whatever the cost differences are between all of these in case the cost is entering their decision process.</p>
<p>Also, if you truly can’t manage to do HW without your mother hovering over you then you’re not ready for college and besides, what if you’d have gotten into GT - would she be hovering on that choice? Your mother sounds as if she’s grasping for excuses to justify keeping you home.</p>
<p>You know your parents and we don’t. Some parents aren’t very rational in this area, some want to control completely, and some simply have a hard time letting go from an emotional perspective. Most of us try to do what’s best for the kid with the big picture in mind and realizing that if we did a decent job as parents our little birdies will be ready to spread their wings and that this time after HS, whether going to college or going out and landing a job (and not necessarily living at home), is a part of that experience. Some parents also have a hard time comprehending that it’s the ‘kid’ who’s going to college, not the parents, and so end up trying to decide which college ‘they’ would rather go to than where the kid would rather go. Sometimes there are also cultural influences on some parents where they want to do things the way they were used to in the old country even though the kid was raised here.</p>
<p>Remember than a calm logical informed discussion is better than an emotional yelling/accusatory session.</p>
<p>Hmm. Last time I checked, GT tuition is about $10,000 more than tuition at UGA. Make sure they know that.</p>
<p>GT tuition is just over $100 more than UGA. Also OP is instate and will receive either the Georgia Hope Scholarship (about 90% tuition for 2014) or the Zell Miller Scholarship (100% tuition for 2014). Expenses not covered would be mandatory fees, books, room and board.</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.usg.edu/fiscal_affairs/documents/tuition_and_fees/Appendix_IIA-Undergraduate_REVISED.pdf[/url]”>http://www.usg.edu/fiscal_affairs/documents/tuition_and_fees/Appendix_IIA-Undergraduate_REVISED.pdf</a></p>
<p>UGA is the state flagship and a nationally well regarded school. My D was accepted at both UGA and Ga. Tech. She chose UGA because of the wider variety of majors and she much preferred the campus atmosphere. Tech is certainly a very highly ranked institution, but if you don’t want to major in engineering or one of the other STEM areas in which Tech excels, then it doesn’t make sense as a choice of college. As others have said, you’ll have to try to negotiate calmly with your parents. The notion that “a degree from UGA is worthless” is simply incorrect.</p>
<p>About costs, to the best of my recollection, D’s financial aid award for 2013-2014 said UGA COA is about $20K, and the Zell scholarship is in the mid or high $7000s. The numbers for Ga. Tech would be very close to the same, as some others have stated. Even with HOPE or Zell, the cost of fees, books, room and board is not insignificant.</p>
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<p>Why do I get the impression you’re from a first-generation immigrant family (from Asia or India) where it is all-important to attend a well-known university, and to study your way into a well-paying job? Probably because my own first-generation immigrant parents pressured me to do the same things 20+ years ago . . . </p>
<p>I admire you for sticking to your guns. I hope you can make UGA work. There’s no sense for you to attend Georgia Tech if you cannot see yourself majoring in a STEM field. </p>
<p>Best of luck!</p>