<p>I feel so sad and helpless right now. My 19 year old son wants to give up the degree he's been working on in computer science and major in music. His goal has changed from creating software for Microsoft or Google to being a percussion instructor in a professional drum corp. He has always loved computers and music, and we were all so relieved when he told us he wanted to go in to computer science. He went to auditions this weekend to march a drum corp himself, and came back having made this decision after talking to several people. I am SO worried about his future that I don't know what to do. He even wants to quit this semester that he has already started. He didn't ask us, he TOLD us his plans. We were calm and listened. We made suggestions, but he won't budge. He won't work with us. He won't even finish out this semester. We have already payed for books and tuition, and he skipped school tonight. Please...I really need some advice. I know it's his life, but I'm so afraid he's going to look around in 20 years and ask what happened. </p>
<p>My son’s middle school band director started out as a percussion instructor for drum and bugle corps, so apparently this is a real job. But I don’ t think it is a real for-your-entire-life job, unless you go into music education and teach in schools. However, band teaching jobs at the elementary and secondary level are few (and maybe even more scarce in the future.) Maybe you can encourage to double major in computer science and music education, or maybe some kind of education double emphasis in computer science education and music education. Maybe he will give up this idea if he takes a few music education classes (where you need to learn a bunch of other instruments as well.)</p>
<p>When is the semester over?
That seems quite foolish, as I imagine it is too late to drop/add classes.
Is he planning on paying you back?
He seems a little impulsive, if he gave up on his previous research by events that happened over a weekend.
Is this unusual for him?
I know quite a few people who combine computers ( or more often math) and music, but it is much easier to do music on the side than math.
I don’t understand why he won’t even finish the term, but am curious how you know he skipped class?</p>
<p>Also, you should tell him that if he doesn’t finish out this semester, you might not be paying for future semesters. Changing your major is one thing, but just dropping out mid semester to change majors seems really irresponsible.</p>
<p>I am a teacher and don’t want that for him. I love teaching, but it is SO stressful now. There’s no fun left in it anymore, the money is terrible and you have to work 30 plus years for a piddly retirement. I did suggest the double major, but he is so stubborn he didn’t seem interested. At 19, he has it all figured out. What can I do or say to make him see the other side?</p>
<p>I’m concerned about the concept of simply dropping! all of his classes halfway during a quarter like this. Will he accept an F in which one or will they let him withdraw unscathed? What will he be doing if he drops out of classes now? Will he be able to enroll in music courses right away or will he just be waiting?</p>
<p>Further down the line, it would be hard to dictate to him his major. Unless you want to pull rank and say that you won’t pay for him to continue if he changes, you might have to let him make his own mistakes. Before that, though, are there any counselors or career mentors that he can talk to? I am concerned based on your description that he may have gotten a onesided version of this issue from folks at the auditions – who may of course have presented the drum corps opportunity as the best thing since sliced bread!</p>
<p>It might help him out in general if he could hear some more information from a neutral party (not his parents). He may be comparing his boring and hard CS coursework and exams to the amazing experiences of being at the drum corps audition, which might be why he is selling CS short. If someone else talks to him, it would help him get a balanced view and see that music won’t be all fun and games and CS isn’t necessarily boring.</p>
<p>Yeah, it’s the flat-out dropping out that scares me. Very impulsive. Was he failing and just didn’t want to tell you?</p>
<p>FYI, to our shock, ds2 has added a music major, so I feel you. I didn’t care as long as he kept the (marginally) more practical major as well.</p>
<p>I would probably look into the financial angle in a hurry. If he has a student loan what would the repercussions to him be? Would the sunk cost of tuition, room and board accrue to him for the semester if he chooses to waste them? That could buy you some time to winter break to sit down and really hash this out as a family if you could twist his arm to give this semester his all then discuss at break. </p>
<p>Yes, he is impulsive. He has changed his mind about things several times over the last few months. This one, however, his best friend has been pushing him to do for two years now. He is also smoking pot, which is obviously affecting his rationality. Just one disappointment after another. </p>
<p>I know he skipped school because I asked him and he told me. His grades were all A’s and B’s last year. This first semester he has put no time into school. He lives at home, but has committed so much time to the local high school (for free) as their front ensemble instructor. He is writing music for the program and also practicing to audition for the drum corp. He works part time in a restaurant as well. So it seems as though everything takes priority over school. He goes to a small branch of a major state college and lives at home, so he has no room and board. He has Bright Futures (academic state scholarship) and Florida prepaid tuition, so college costs us nothing. In fact, he has gotten a couple of small scholarships which helps with his gas to and from school. He now wants to go to school out of state, but says that he can get approximately $10000 in scholarships a year and can get in state tuition within a matter of months. The local college has been an issue because he had to take a 5 hour online course this year that he was having a hard time with. He couldn’t drop it because he wouldn’t have the minimum number of hours. He stopped talking to us about it. I should have known something was wrong. I take issue with the fact that he wants to drop out mid semester too. I told him that he is committed, that we have paid for books and tuition and that he needs to follow up on that commitment. He tells me that I am dictating to him what he has to do. Ugh…</p>
<p>I am planning on having his grandpa talk to him, but he is so stubborn. Any ideas for objective third parties? I could ask the counselors at his school. I can’t believe they haven’t reached out to him already. Maybe they have.</p>
<p>Maybe it is too late for drop/add. Does that mean he will take F’s? The college he wants to transfer to wouldn’t accept him if he failed all of his classes this year, would they?</p>
<p>Semester is over middle of December. Plenty of time for him to turn things around, imho.</p>
<p>Sounds to me like he has been spending lvery little time studying or in classes so he’s gotten so far behind that he wants to withdraw or drop his classes so that he doesn’t get bad grades. And this reinforces how “hard” a CS major is which makes him want to change majors. Ask him when the drop deadline is.
Then you and he have to really figure out if he is doing poorly in classes because it’s too hard or because he is fooling around with everything else. It really might be too hard for him and then he can change to something else and still double major in percussion.
Or he might be fooling around too much and getting organized may be what he needs (get the book “how to be a straight A student” By cal Newport)</p>
<p>He is not going to be able to claim residency in a new state if he just moves there to attend college. I</p>
<p>It sounds like the financial loss this semester is not as big of a concern as the grades he will be getting.</p>
<p>Maybe his college life has been too cushy so far – the prepaid tuition, the scholarships, the living at home, majoring in the major that his mom likes best. I hope his rebellious period ends with him ultimately being successful in some major somewhere.</p>
<p>The worrisome part is that he is stopping school in the middle of the term, presumably defaulting to straight F grades, which will likely make returning to school more difficult (academic probation at least), and transferring to another school (other than an open admission community college) much more difficult.</p>
<p>Taking time off school after completing a term in good academic standing is not especially worrisome, since most schools tend to be relatively lenient about students taking time off and then returning, if they are in good academic standing. But what he is doing now will likely close off the option of easy readmission to school when he decides to return to school.</p>
<p>If he really wants to cease attending school now, check to see if withdrawal is possible without getting F grades. Otherwise, a semester of F grades will severely restrict his educational options later.</p>
<p>Or you could let him take the F grades, then let him suffer the consequences later (including reduction in your financial support for his attending college, since he wasted a semester of it).</p>
<p>How is a new school going to get paid? Does he understand that he can’t borrow his way thru?</p>
<p>He may not understand that he won’t have funding for this change in plans.</p>
<p>If he’s not making college his priority with you paying tuition, you may want to consider not paying for any further semesters and having him work and contribute to the household until he demonstrates more seriousness and less immature impulsive behavior. </p>
<p>At this point, unless he has a dramatic turnaround in his attitude and it is sustainable, his impulsive attitude is likely to result in a wasted semester with bad grades which will haunt him for decades. If the grades even in one semester are bad enough, he may even face the possibility of academic suspension an an additional thing to haunt him for decades, especially considering a notation is placed on one’s transcript at most schools and employers do ask/check for them. </p>
<p>Some college classmates and friends are still finding themselves haunted by failing grades/academic suspensions when interviewing for new jobs/promotions. One in particular has been lagging behind his entering cohort at a household name tech company because a rash of impulsive decisions and poor grades in undergrad resulted in a transcript far less impressive than his peers come promotion time. </p>
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<p>His poor grades matter at promotion time? Or did poor grades result in non-graduation?</p>
<p>Who paid for this semester? Financial aid or the parents? If it’s the parents, then have him pay you back. If it’s FA, then he’s going to owe the school.</p>
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<p>He graduated, but with a marginal GPA which made it a miracle he was hired into that tech company. And yes, college academic records are factored into their promotion process. </p>
<p>However, considering his entering cohort had much more impressive GPAs and sometimes even MS degrees in engineering/CS from far higher ranking colleges…including the likes of MIT/Caltech/CMU/Berkeley/Stanford, his academic record even when weighed with his work experience/accomplishments causes him to look marginal in comparison. Especially when everyone else is meeting/exceeding his work experience/accomplishments.</p>
<p>Seems like a rather unusual company to care that much about college GPA even after significant work experience there.</p>
<p>I’m not sure what happens with Bright Futures if you drop out mid-semester…presumably the college gets to keep its money, would he/you have to repay the Bright Futures fund? (if so, then I would expect HE would pay that back, not you, if he insists on dropping out) Second the pre-paid college – that’s YOUR money, again, it gets wasted if he doesn’t complete the term. </p>
<p>I’d make clear to him that you expect him to finish what he started, which is the current semester. If he chooses not to, then I wouldn’t be inclined to pay for anything else.</p>
<p>So sorry you’re going through this!</p>