<p>Somehow, she has convinced my father using “her research” that I should instead apply to Cornell instead of Brown; she argues that I am not good enough to get into B (but magically I am for Cornell). Despite this, I still chose Brown over Cornell for ED as it is clearly my first choice college. As a result, I’ve lost his financial support for Brown. </p>
<p>Another reason he is so adamant about me going ED to Cornell is that he himself was a stubborn teenager who thought he could get into a reach university and refused to apply to a match or safety uni (in China, they could only select one uni on application back then). As a result, he has a fear of the same thing happening to me, which is obviously not true as I’ll be applying to several other colleges for RD, if I don’t get accepted. </p>
<p>He currently refuses to talk to me or fill out the non-custodial profile unless I “open up to his suggestions”. Basically, he takes my decision to go ED with Brown with a grain of salt and feels hurt that I am not changing my actions from his suggestions, which are based on my stepmom’s data. Consequently, I will not qualify for FA (at Brown or at any other college) as my application will be considered incomplete.</p>
<p>Sorry for the long-ish post. I am terribly distressed right now, and would love some support (As if college apps aren’t distressing enough already). Bottom line is: how do I reconciliate with him, without my stepmom in the way? He has a rather busy schedule; how would I get the time alone with him to persuade him to support me again?</p>
<p>And just curious: how many people there are applying for FA with divorced parents?</p>
<p>Thanks for the time to read the post; I’ll be looking forward to your replies.</p>
<p>I’m really sorry; that’s a seriously sucky situation.
My parents are divorced, and my dad doesn’t want me to go anywhere at all, but he did complete the necessary forms and isn’t standing in my way.
I think that you could also try to talking to your step-mom, though it seems like your relationship with her isn’t that great. And if not, try to find time to talk to him yourself. You might want to point out how your stats are in the range for Brown (assuming they are).</p>
<p>Is there any way you can talk it out, by objectively comparing Brown and Cornell and telling them how Brown would suit you much better than Cornell would?</p>
<p>My parents are also divorced, and I’m applying for financial aid as well. I would have to agree with what HeartLikeASocket suggested. It is completely understandable that you want to avoid further confrontation with her, but you might have to do just that. What if you sat the two of them down and explained why Brown is the school for you. By doing this, the three of you will be able to openly discuss everything, because it seems to me that things are getting lost in translation when following the chain of command from your step-mother to father.</p>
<p>Just a thought. I really am sorry that you are being put in this situation. If you need anything, there are plenty of us here for support! =]</p>
<p>Thanks guys. It’s so nice to see that some of you replied at 2am (EST; or is it pacific standard time for you?). Sounds like people interested in Brown are… fantastic =)</p>
<p>See, the problem is that my father discounts my reasons for why Brown fits me as arrogant and naive. He knows that these schools are super competitive and so he does not believe in “fit” as a factor - he believes that a school choice should solely be based on academic prestige, rankings and admission percentages (reminiscent to the mindset of the college applicants in China). Is there any solid evidence out there that I can prove him otherwise with? for example, how much the Brown adcom cares about the personal qualities and the applicant’s fit. I am unable to persuade him because, compared to my stepmom (who, by the way, is not even married to him; they’re just common laws. I do NOT appreciate her telling what to do for my college choice) who has papers stating the 37% admit rate of Cornell ED vs the 20% for Brown, my personal choice based on a “gut feeling” is deemed to him as insignificant.</p>
<p>HeartLikeASocket and Dramacratic: boy do I wish I had a father who would put his child’s choices ahead of his prejudices.</p>
<p>Could you just reiterate what exactly you’ve told him? Both in terms of academics and atmosphere (that includes the holistic approach Brown Adcom uses, social life, etc). Your father seems to be based solely on facts, so i just want to know what stats you’ve given him thus far. Also, what concentration are you looking to pursue? Perhaps I or other EDers/Brown Obsessors will be able to give you information solely in regards to your intended field?</p>
<p>I’ve told him about:
-the holistic approach at Brown admissions. My GPA and SAT, although near the median of Brown-ies, are my weakest points in my app as I have fantastic recs, essays, many interest and an unique personality. As a result, Cornell will want me less than Brown as Cornell focuses more on academics. He still thinks that these institutions have no differences, except Cornell is ranked higher than Brown (according to stepmom’s research)
-how Brown has a B Sc in Marine Biology (I’m very passionate in studying coral reefs and marine ecology); he responds with despair and tells me I should instead get a B Sc in Bio for undergrad. I know better than to pursue a specific degree in undergrad, but Brown has the option for Marine bio if I decide in two years that it is still what I want to do, which I think I will, whereas Cornell does not.
-the gut feeling when I visited - nice, articulate people. I did not get that at Cornell. In fact, the student presenter at C was so socially awkward that he used that to bolsters the fact that I am so much better than her so I will get into C. (lmao)
-the academic freedom of a open curriculum, as opposed to the limiting curriculum at Cornell. In fact, just changing a major in Cornell outside of the school requires a time consuming application. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I do believe that this is easier at Brown.</p>
<p>These are pretty much it. Let me know what you think.</p>
<p>OK, since your dad seems like a very numbers-oriented person, how about digging up some grad school placement stats for Biology/Marine Biology majors, or comparing the numbers in terms of professors into your field as well as available research opportunities?</p>
<p>My thoughts exactly. You talked about your stats and what part of the score-spectrum they fall on, but other than that, you relied heavily on facts that did not provide numbers to back them up.</p>
<p>Well, you already applied to Brown ED, right? so it’s just a matter of waiting to hear? If you still need to submit something, like finanical stuff, aren’t you already late? Wait until you hear about the decision from Brown and then find out if that discussions need to continue.</p>
<p>If you don’t get in, or get deferred, you can still apply to Cornell. Let your stepmom win on that one (seems that she needs to win here), as you have to pick other schools anyway. One will be Cornell.</p>
<p>Sounds like the issue with your father is not about Brown, per se, but about applying to a number of schools for safety. You should explain how the system works here, so he can relax. As for the FA issue, seems that your dad will have to do this wherever you go, so don’t use the excuse about Brown vs Cornell to stop that.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>your father does not understand ED vs. safety schools.</p></li>
<li><p>This is about more than school. You don’t have to be Dr. Phil to figure out that there is a control thing going on here. He’s not going to help with college FA applications over a Brown vs. Cornell thing? That is ridiculous.</p></li>
<li><p>If your father does not have time to spend with you about such an important event in your life, I fear that this is the least of your issues with him. As a father, I am sorry.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I seriously forget which website I saw this on. I believe it was the Princeton Review, but maybe also The U, but there is this list of possible criteria for admission - rigor of high school courses, standardized test scores, class rank, personal qualities, interview, essays, etc. – and it’s on each school’s profile. They assign each factor the labels of “very important, important, or considered”. You should compare Cornell’s and Brown’s. I know that Brown says personal qualities are very important, while Swarthmore, for example, says they’re just important. Maybe you’ll find some differences that will help you argue your point.</p>
<p>^ [CollegeData:</a> College Search, Financial Aid, College Application, College Scholarship, Student Loan, FAFSA Info, Common Application](<a href=“http://www.collegedata.com%5DCollegeData:”>http://www.collegedata.com) has this</p>
<p>Plus, Cornell and Brown are both tough ivy league schools. I would think if he was really concerned about you getting in, he would look at a less selective school. </p>
<p>Maybe point out that the admit rate for ED doesn’t really mean much about the school?</p>
<p>Its all about what you want after all…dig up stats that show that Brown is the best place for what you want to do and try to convince your father.And also do not forget to apply to safety schools just in case you are not admitted because that will put all the blame on you if you get my drift.Good luck.</p>
<p>I assume you have already completed your Brown application. If you are an ED admit, don’t all these arguments go away? You will have proved your stepmother wrong by being admitted and you will have satisfied your father’s need for a prestigious school by being admitted to a school more selective than Cornell. As for FA, I am pretty certain Brown will allow you (and your father) to get your documentation in order so they can render an award decision before asking you to confirm your ED commitment.</p>
<p>If you are not an ED admit, you proceed to apply to other schools (including a safety) and you are no worse off.</p>
<p>Given the essentially contradictory impulses of your father (who wants a prestigious school that is, nevertheless, not too selective to admit you) it really does appear to be a case of him dealing with the fact that you will soon be leaving and his need to exert a last measure of self-reassuring control. Wait for the ED decision, try to assure him of your continued love and respect, and be prepared for making additional applications. If you are fortunate enough to be an ED admit, he might realize what you and he are turning down and re-consider his position.</p>
<p>Descartesz, very thoughtful advise. In the end, you got to do what you got to do. Many people go through stressfull time when applying to colleges. Take it easy, keep your parents happy. No matter what, your dad is going to miss wherever you go. It is matter of time, situation will be in your favor. Best of luck!</p>
<p>To the OP
You may want to get all of your facts lined up such as:
Cornell is a huge school that allows students to enroll in classes in any of the schools.
Cornell has excellent facilities for all the sciences and are well know for the sciences.
If you are unhappy with your original college you can transfer to another. That is the beauty of a big school.
Both schools are wonderful, but now you need to find a way to communicate this to your parents. Good luck to you…things have a way of working themselves out.</p>