<p>Hey guys I really want as many opinions as I can get because I really want to go to this school! So dont be afraid to say something please. My stats are 3.8 non weighted 9-12. 1670 SAT score. Heres what I got so far.</p>
<p>Hi my name is Alex Bock and I would like the admissions staff at UCSB to take a second look at my application. After seeing my denial of admission I was devastated. I have come to realize that if I were accepted to UCSB I would not take it for granted and I would preform to the best of my abilities and more. It is my goal with this letter for you to see my transformation and to change your mind. Therefore, I hope this letter finds an understanding, compassionate, and forgiving person.
My senior year is a reflection on how I push myself even in conditions when a normal person would relax. I took on the workload of three AP classes out of the five classes I am enrolled in. I currently have a 4.4 GPA and plan on making it even higher. This rigorous class schedule has completely changed me into a more studious and responsible man. I plan on taking this into college and using it to help me excel.
Another reason why I am so determined to attend UCSB is because it is close to home. I need a college close to home because I would like to be with my cousin who has down syndrome. He is nearing 45 and is slowly dissipating. He has shown me so many things in my life from pure genuine love to the funniest conversations of my life. The doctor said he has max 4 more years to live and I want to be as close as possible to spend every second I can with him. He has been my best friend since I was little and I prize our connection so dearly. He always told me to run after and catch the big butterfly no matter how big it is. Getting into UCSB is that big butterfly and I plan on giving it 110 percent If admitted.
Through my improved grades and my determination to excel at UCSB I feel like I would be a great addition to the Gauchos. Thank you for your time and patience to read this letter.</p>
<p>Alex: Your hook is the transformation. Lead with it, describing what you’ve done to transform yourself and especially detailing how the transformation might have been over looked during the first application review. If you can explain the low SAT that would help also. The essay as written needs several rewrites to include the hook in the first paragraph and to remove excessive wordiness. I’m sure other recommendations will follow.</p>
<p>Thanks for the reply! Could you maybe give examples on what I should say so I know exactly what you are talking about?</p>
<p>Updated version! I really did have a horrible testing experience! PLEASE HELPPPP I NEED AS MUCH HELP AS I CAN GET ASAP!!!</p>
<p>Hi my name is Alex Bock and I would like the admissions staff at UCSB to take a second look at my application. After seeing my denial of admission I was devastated. I have come to realize that if I were accepted to UCSB I would not take it for granted and I would preform to the best of my abilities and more. It is my goal with this letter for you to see my transformation and to change your mind. Therefore, I hope this letter finds an understanding, compassionate, and forgiving person.
My senior year is a reflection on how I push myself even in conditions when a normal person would relax. I took on the workload of three AP classes out of the five classes I am enrolled in. I currently have a 4.4 GPA and plan on making it even higher. This rigorous class schedule has completely changed me into a more studious and responsible man. I completely changed my study routine and now spend much more time on studying and homework. I am greatly more commited then I was when I first admitted my application. I plan on taking this into college and using it to help me excel.
I feel as if my SAT scores did not summarize my abilities. It is completely my fault for not doing well on the SAT’s but I also feel like there were some circumstances that defiantly made me score way below my ability. The first time I took my SAT I was out of school for a week prier because I was bed ridden with the flu. I wasn’t fully recovered at all and defiantly not in the school mindset when I took the test. My second and final SAT score was so low because it was the last one I could take and I was overly stressed out and found out at the end of the critical reading section that I was filling in the wrong bubbles. After realizing this I was only able to fix a little more then half the bubbles in time. I believe that if I was able to take the SAT one more time I would get a substantially higher score.
Another reason why I am so determined to attend UCSB is because it is close to home. I need a college close to home because I would like to be with my cousin who has down syndrome. He is nearing 45 and is slowly dissipating. He has shown me so many things in my life from pure genuine love to the funniest conversations of my life. The doctor said he has max 4 more years to live and I want to be as close as possible to spend every second I can with him. He has been my best friend since I was little and I prize our connection so dearly. He always told me to run after and catch the big butterfly no matter how big it is. Getting into UCSB is that big butterfly and I plan on giving it 110 percent If admitted.
Through my improved grades and my determination to excel at UCSB I feel like I would be a great addition to the Gauchos. I also am more then willing to go into any major that has an opening Thank you for your time and patience to read this letter.</p>