<p>I'm a high school senior. I have 3.6/4.0 GPA from a magnet public school in Washington, DC metro area. My combined highest SAT is 2170. My SAT Biology M score was 770 and my AP Biology is 5 out of 5. My senior project is being conducted in a well regarded local university's laboratory.</p>
<p>A friend of mine and I got suspended for 3 days (in October 2012) for using alcohol at the Homecoming Dance. This was my only and plan to have it as my last disciplinary action.</p>
<p>I plan to write an explanation for my suspension to admissions officers, but I'm wondering how this is going affect my admissions' chances.</p>
<p>I doubt it will hurt you assuming your explanation doesn’t come off as cocky and arrogant and your school guidance counselor says you are a terrific student and an asset. Go talk to your guidance counselor if you are concerned about what he/she might say. And the approach for the explanation is ‘I was dumb and immature. I really regret it - it was the first, last and only infraction.’</p>
<p>What do you think of this explanation. It’s accurate and sincere.</p>
<p>Dear Admissions’ Officers:</p>
<p>For three days I was suspended from school because of a dumb, immature and irresponsible decision on my part. I really regret my decision. It was my first, last and only disciplinary action.</p>
<p>A friend of mine and I drank some alcohol, and during the Friday School Dance the principal noticed that we must have had some alcohol. Of course, he called my parents who had to pick me up. The following week we met with the principal, where he decided to suspend me for those three days. My friend was also suspended.</p>
<p>What I did was dangerous, irresponsible, foolish, and against my parents’ rules, against my principles, and of course, against my school’s rules. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m earning back my parents’ trust and of course the school’s trust.</p>
<p>I am committed to being in good standing with my parents and with any school I attend.</p>
<p>IMO, this is a good start, but I think it has too many words and too much information.</p>
<p>You were suspended for violating your school’s alcohol policy. You were guilty. You regret what you did, just as much as you regret having been caught. </p>
<p>Colleges don’t need to know about your friend. They don’t need to know how you got caught, or that your parents were called, or that you met with the principal the following week. And, with due respect to M’s Mom, I would forgo the lists of adjectives (e.g., “dumb, immature and irresponsible” or “dangerous, irresponsible and foolish”).</p>
<p>Why forgo the lists of adjectives? How do I express the lesson learned if I don’t express it in an adjective. I agree with you that I should reduce the information the number of words.</p>
<p>I agree with Sikorsky about ‘too much information.’ And while I think you can keep some of the adjectives, I would agree that you don’t need to flagellate yourself repeatedly. My line wasn’t mean to be a quote in your letter - just an example of the appropriately contrite tone. A clear, heartfelt and sincere expression of regret will do.</p>
<p>Personally, I like the addition of the fact that your parents had to come get you. I like to see that you were embarrassed by your own behavior. I’d leave your friend out of it, though.</p>
<p>I would also say that I like that you refer to this as an irresponsible decision and not a “mistake.” Perhaps drop “dumb,” but keep immature and irresponsible.</p>
<p>I was suspended for three days because the principal realized that I had used alcohol at the Homecoming Dance.</p>
<p>It was an irresponsible and immature decision on my part, and I really regret what I did. It was my first, last and only suspension and I plan to keep it that way. </p>
<p>What I did was against my parents’ rules, my principles, and of course, against my school’s rules.</p>
<p>I am fully committed to remaining in good standing with my parents and any school I attend.</p>
<p>I like the last draft you posted except for one area. In the first one you say “last disciplinary action” and this one you say “last suspension” which could leave the impression that you have some other less serious infractions. I the “last disciplinary action” is correct, change the phrase back to that.</p>
<p>tjmom: Thanks for catching that. It was my only disciplinary action.</p>
<p>Here it is updated. Is the Dear and the Sincerely appropriate?</p>
<p>Dear Admissions’ Officers:</p>
<p>I was suspended for three days because the principal realized that I had used alcohol at the Homecoming Dance.</p>
<p>It was an irresponsible and an immature decision on my part, and I really regret what I did. It was my first, last and only disciplinary action and I plan to keep it that way. </p>
<p>What I did was against my parents’ rules, my own principles, and of course, against my school’s rules. I’m earning back my parents’ trust and of course the school’s trust. </p>
<p>I am fully committed to remaining in good standing with my parents and any school I attend.</p>
<p>You don’t need an apostrophe in admissions. I also would not say that you were suspended because the principal “realized” you used alcohol. Tell them you were suspended because of your foolish decision to use alcohol. This shows that you have taken responsibility for your action, not that you are subtly blaming the principal for catching you. This is a small, but important difference. You want the admissions officers to realize that you are sorry for what you did, not that you got caught for what you did (although I am sure this is also true!)</p>
<p>I was suspended for three days because of my foolish decision to use alcohol at the Homecoming Dance.</p>
<p>It was an irresponsible and an immature decision on my part, and I really regret what I did. It was my first, last and only disciplinary action and I plan to keep it that way. </p>
<p>What I did was against my parents’ rules, my own principles, and of course, against my school’s rules. I’m earning back my parents’ trust and of course the school’s trust. </p>
<p>I am fully committed to remaining in good standing with my parents and any school I attend.</p>
<p>That’s good. You may also want to include something about remaining in good standing with your own conscience (or something along those lines) as well, so they know your remorse is real.</p>
<p>So how do I deal with the fact that if a university searches my explanation on the internet they will find this thread? I’ve been honest with my thread so I don’t think I have much to worry about, but it just seems weird!</p>
<p>First of all, I think it’s unlikely that they’ll do such an internet search. I think they’ll read your explanation and get on with evaluating your application.</p>
<p>Second, you really haven’t said anything here that’s substantially different from what you’re going to say in the statement you send. You just asked some people for help with finding the best way to word it. In other words, the worst that will happen (and even that is unlikely to happen) is that they’ll catch you being truthful. What’s wrong with that?</p>
<p>the first 2 times i read your letter, i thought you misspelled “principal” when you wrote “principles.” I see that you did not but the confusion could be there. Write that you betrayed your own principles before the other items in the sentence so it doesn’t seem like a mistake for “principal’s.” Does this make sense? I also agree that it wasn’t about the principal realizing or suspecting you, it was about poor (albeit normal) judgement. Don’t misplace blame. Also, I think it might be appropriate to add a bit about your new perspective on teenage alcohol abuse as well - this is an important issue on all campuses. You did break the law --even if everyone does it…hope it works out!</p>
I do plan to talk to the advisor very soon.</p>