Help! URGENT QUESTION!

Applying to College
1

Hey all, my friend was rejected from UCLA and is appealing. I was wondering if you guys could read over his appeal letter for me and tell me which things he should improve/add/focus on etc. Just anything that will help in the appeals process… what kind of things he needs to say and what will make a difference.

Thanks a BUNCH. (btw, he has to send it out tomororw, so please help asap!)

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing this letter to appeal my admissions decision. Enclosed in this envelope are letters of recommendation from ******<strong><em>, AP Physics C (Electricity and Magnetism) teacher at *</em></strong>, and ******<strong><em>, Patient and Community Liaison of Sharp Rees-Steal Medical Group of </em></strong>. In addition to these items is a copy of my most recent high school transcript which includes first semester senior year grades.

I would like to add the following personal information because I did not find an appropriate area to place it in my application.

In mid 2003, my sophomore year, my grandfather suffered a stroke which significantly impaired his ability to move. When I heard the news of my grandfather’s health, it severely impacted my life both at home and at school. My home environment was transformed from a place of peace and happiness to a place of full of tears. At first, I was swept up by my emotions and allowed the situation to take complete control of me. Rather than attending to my responsibilities at school, I found myself spending time by my grandfather’s side and soothing the emotional pain of my family members. As a result of my personal distress and obligation to comfort my family, I was unable to continue many extracurricular activities and experienced a dip in my grades. I feared that my grandfather would lose his life, but I had to remain strong for my family. Even with the traumatic events occurring at home, I did my best to perform well academically at school. Watching a close relative of mine suffer taught me how to stay strong and focused even when life gets hard.

In early 2004, tragedy struck again when my grandfather suffered a second stroke. This disaster proved to be more serious than the first leaving my grandfather in a persistent vegetative state which he remains in today. Seeing a loved one unable to communicate, move, eat, and breathe on his own was a very harsh reality for my family and me. The sight of my grandfather in this state was worse than seeing him die. This heartbreaking event negatively influenced my school studies and SAT preparation. Even with all of the hardships going on in my life, I was still able to go well beyond the UC GPA and SAT score requirements.

I hope that after reading this letter you will reconsider my admissions decision. If you still feel that I am unprepared to handle the rigorous mechanical engineering program at UCLA, I would like to request that my major be changed to undecided so that I may prove my ability to succeed at your challenging university. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Any and all comments will be greatly appreciated. Anything stylistically or grammatically would be of great assistance as well!

THANKS!

2

<p>He needs to spend far more time explaining what he has to offer UCLA and why exactly he wants to go there.</p>

<p>His GC should be the one to explain how your friend's grandfather's illness affected his grades.</p>

<p>He also should include a copy of his progress report or quarter grades from 2005.</p>

3

<p>Everyone suffers the loss or illness of grandparents... while I'm sure your friend really did struggle (I know I did when I went through the same thing) it isn't really a legitimate excuse to appeal unless he suffered severe trauma, with therapy et al. His GC can sum up this whole story quickly and make a more powerful case than an excuse ridden appeal letter.</p>

<p>If he wants to impress the adcoms, he needs to show how committed he is to the school, and why they should give him another look.</p>

4

<p>its worth a shot but i dont know what to tell u</p>

5

<p>he's making his grandfather an excuse for not doing as well as he should have. why would that make them let him in? because they pity him? he needs to write why he would actually be a good asset to the school. he might mention his grandfather's health problems, but that shouldn't be his entire letter.</p>

6

<p>Couple thoughts
I am imagining the grandfather is living with the applicant and he was involved in his care?
If this were the case- then perhaps one of his essays could have focused on what he learned about/life/grandpa/love for example-
but since he isnt communicating this information until AFTER he was denied, I am thinking it isnt' really as big of an impact as he is trying to make it seem.
I wouldnt reconsider admission because of illness of a family member.
What would have happened to his grades if that had happened after he had been accepted?
End of year reports and additional strong recommendations/awards may be appropriate to send-but things happen when you are away at school- he needs to sound like he would be a strong student not one who lets the illness of an extended family member interfere with his performance.</p>