<p>hi thanks for reading. im new to cc. my bff is super smart and worked really hard in high school. she had her heart set on duke but didn't get in. i mean she got into a lot of good schools- state with full ride, Williams, Claremont McKenna, Brown, Princeton, and Stanford (where she is going). It was only Harvard and Duke who were mean enough to reject her. at first she seemed ok with it but recently has been acting differently, sort of depressed, and I confronted her and she confessed that it was because of not getting in. I was hoping that maybe you all would have some advice on what to say to comfort her? Thanks a million</p>
<p>I would not comfort her. She doesn't need comfort, she needs a dose of reality. This is like someone complaining that they only got a BMW instead of a Jaguar. You need to play the Stones "Can't Always Get What You Want" for her. She is going to have a hard row to hoe if she continues bemoaning the fact that she doesn't get exactly what she wants. </p>
<p>Has she ever played a sport and done poorly? or failed at anything? Is this her first experience not getting what she wants?</p>
<p>She needs a little tough love. She needs to be told that she is very blessed. Quit feeling sorry for herself.</p>
<p>She may need some friends like you to keep in touch with her even after your own college term starts.</p>
<p>Stanford runs on a later schedule than many other colleges do, so your friend may be home for several weeks after everyone is gone. This might increase her unhappiness temporarily. </p>
<p>But Stanford is a terrific school. Once she gets there, she will probably realize that.</p>
<p>It's possible that she may also be feeling anxious about school and all the angest that goes along with such big changes. There is also often a "let down" feeling after all the excitement and drama of applying/visiting/getting accepted to schools is over. Give her support, and, if she continues to whine, let her know how lucky she is.</p>
<p>ella - your must be an amazing friend. The fact that she got in Princeton, Brown & Stanford is just incredible. In this time of fierce competition, having those choices is pretty rare. I would also tell her if she received any financial aide, the package would have not been as generous from Duke as from those three. I think Anxiousmom might be right - some of this just may be a let down from all the hoopla of senior year. I wouldn't be too sympathetic - she really needs to appreciate just how lucky she is.</p>
<p>Although I agree with all of the above posters that she really doesn't have anything to be depressed about, I'm not sure that reminding her of that will be helpful. It <em>should</em> be helpful and perhaps she is just wallowing for a short while and will snap into a more realistic perspective.</p>
<p>But if she is truly depressed, and it is truly because she did not get into Duke, then I think she needs some counseling to understand why this would actually send her into a depressive state.</p>
<p>I also wonder if there is a clue in the following
[quote]
It was only Harvard and Duke who were mean enough to reject her.
[/quote]
Mean? Whose perspective is this? It is a very childish perspective, imo. Maturity doesn't always go along with intelligence and accomplishment. But I would expect much more mature perspective from a student with the academic and leadership credentials typically required to achieve acceptance to so many extraordinarily selective schools. Perhpas she would benefit from counseling to bring her along to a maturity level more in line with her chronological age and other gifts.</p>
<p>I don't think this poster is for real.</p>
<p>Why on earth would she be depressed about her situation? If she is depressed, maybe she is trying to come up with a reason for it. Maybe there is no <em>reason</em>, maybe she is just depressed. Depressed people tend to dwell on negatives, ways in which they perceive themselves to be unworthy or fall short. Maybe she would still be depressed even if she had been accepted by all of these schools.</p>
<p>First time poster...two threads on same topic. </p>
<p>I've never known a high school student who wasn't absolutely thrilled to get into Stanford, Princeton or Brown. Combined with the difficulty of admissions this year and the likelyhood that someone who is so out of touch with reality would be admitted to all of these schools, I suspect a troll.</p>
<p>yikes I really don't know how to respond to that troll comment so I just won't. Thank you so much for some of the posts. I should clarify that she isn't running around saying "poor me". If I didn't know her so well I would probably have thought she was excited for college, but I do know better. I have already tried the "hey Stanford is just as good as the ones you didn't get into" but that didn't seem to help. Any other suggestions?</p>
<p>Honestly - it would be a little like telling someone like Angelina Jolie or Catherine Zeta Jones - Yes, you really ARE beautiful. Either your friend is clinically depressed and as ASAP suggested looking for a reason for her depression or else she just needs your praise and reassurance for some reason. </p>
<p>Hang in there - you are an awfully good friend - better than I would be!</p>
<p>Well, this isn't very helpful for the moment, but I hope that your friend finds her Stanford experience to be so amazing that she'll not be able to imagine herself anywhere else next fall. Otherwise, I guess she is a pretty amazing student, maybe could transfer to Duke next year. But I'm guessing she'll love Stanford.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I would not comfort her. She doesn't need comfort, she needs a dose of reality. This is like someone complaining that they only got a BMW instead of a Jaguar. You need to play the Stones "Can't Always Get What You Want" for her. She is going to have a hard row to hoe if she continues bemoaning the fact that she doesn't get exactly what she wants.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I don't know if I agree with all of this. No matter who you are, getting rejected hurts. For crying out loud, it's a rejection. Not accepted...rejected. Not getting into one's first choice leaves a feeling of "settling for something else." While it may not exactly be lower in your eyes and mine, it may be lower in the person's eyes whom this will affect the most. All of these are great schools, but I believe that it's very possible that there is something that Duke had that the others didn't. </p>
<p>I combat the idea of not getting what you always want by reminding you that this can be used to be said to someone who wants to go to college in general but doesn't get in. However, I doubt that you or I would even consider saying this to someone who's worked really hard all through high school and still doesn't get into any colleges (safeties included). </p>
<p>I have a strong feeling that she will be happy at Stanford once she gets there. However, I would remind her that if she doesn't like it, she can always transfer.</p>
<p>Acceptances aren't trophies. There's a Yiddish expression, "With one (rear end) you can't dance at two weddings." So part of me says, "Feh. Enough's enough.
She's had plenty of good fortune."</p>
<p>If you've tried to comfort her but she's insisting on the pout, then she might just be going through a necessary grappling with the world of Disappointment. She will also not get into every course she wants. Sometimes she'll crush on a guy who won't return it. Etc. </p>
<p>If it were me, I'd acknowledge the pain she's feeling without agreeing to the fact that some injustice has occurred (it hasn't). I'd say, "I know these thoughts are making you very sad, and I hate to see my best buddy so sad. I hope after a while of you thinking about it, you'll come to terms with it." She has to do the work, not you, of figuring out she can't get everything, and to learn to celebrate her many blessings. Among her blessings, BTW, is YOU, good friend.</p>
<p>well, its called growing up and learning you don't always get everything you want and to appreicate what you do have</p>
<p>you don't always get the job, the guy, the dress, the grade, the house, the apartment, no matter how wonderful you are....</p>
<p>so this girl needs to move on, otherwise, she will be unhappy no matter where she goes if she has the attitude, well, Duke had this, and Duke didn't do that</p>
<p>if you buy into her pouting, its been months already, she won't move on, and if she has any chance of succeeding, she needs to move on and stop being immature and whiny</p>
<p>Perhaps she's labeling her depression on the rejection, as she doesn't understand WHY she's depressed. Daughter was thrilled with the excitement of the final month of school, all the award ceremonies, graduation, a week at the beach. Just now, back at home and the hoopla is over, she realized, "no more high school. Off to a strange place and my friends aren't there. No more Teacher X first thing each morning." Sounds like you are a good friend. Do not try to console her of not getting into DUKE. If she's is that shallow, she may not do well at any school. Concentrate on graduation and leaving for college in general. Most likely, that is where the fears/sadness generate.</p>
<p>I think you all (except Anonymous99) are being too tough. This friend is not moping and complaining to all who will listen. She is confiding her true feelings to her very best friend. Anyone lucky enough to have that close a friend knows that she is the person to whom you can tell ANYTHING and have her support. Best friends share what they would never dream of telling anyone else. </p>
<p>The OP should of course keep reminding her friend that she has ended up with fabulous options and in all liklihood will be very happy at Stanford. And there is always the possibility of transferring if that is not the case. But if the friend is truly and deeply disappointed about her rejections to schools that she has been dreaming of attending, I would think the OP could lovingly empathize with those feelings, even if the rest of the world is understandably not very sympathetic. </p>
<p>I also agree that if the friend absolutely can't get beyond this, then the OP should lovingly recommend that she get some professional help. I think the friend has every right to be supported as she grieves her loss. Hopefully she will soon be able to move on.</p>
<p>Order a Stanford hat. Have her gather all her Duke paperwork. Have a ceremony of burning all the information Duke sent her. Then celebrate by crowning her Queen of Stanford with a Stanford tiara (decorated hat). Make her a poster of all the hunky Stanford swimmers & football players, brainy famous Stanford alumus and beautiful California scenery. Make a cake with red frosting with cardnals on it.</p>
<p>If reason does not shake her out of her disappointment, perhaps sillyness will.</p>
<p>^^^That is an awesome idea. If that doesn't snap her out of feeling sorry for herself, then she just wants to live in a funk.</p>
<p>The fact that your friend got into all those amazing colleges completely overshadows the fact that she didn't get into two of the 10 amazing ones that she applied to. She was only accepted at Princeton, Brown, and Stanford, wow, the grief she must be feeling. If she can't be happy with what she has now, most likely she will never find fulfillment in life, which is actually quite sad.</p>