Help with a big conflict about Notre Dame?

Parent Cafe
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<p>My parents and I are concerned about my sister. She got accepted into USC, UCLA, UC Irvine, UC Berkeley, and Notre Dame. However, my parents really want her to go to Notre Dame because they're pretty much paying most of the expenses for us. We pretty much have no money at the moment because of the economy, and saving money is HUGE at our household, and we can't afford much. My sister is agnostic, and she's not happy about going to a Catholic school, as well as having to take a year of theology.</p>

<p>So my sister visited Notre Dame a few days ago, and my mother was convinced that she would change her mind about it and love it. When she got back, she told us that she didn't like it at all. She said that the campus was boring, the location was boring, and pretty much everything else about it was boring. She had visited with her friend who has a very similar personality and ideals as her, and he didn't like it either.</p>

<p>The thing that bothers her the most is that the people there were ones who she probably could not get along with. It is not known if her friend is going to attend, which would be better so she could know somebody, but he wants to go to UCSD instead. (But he might not, depending on financial aid.)</p>

<p>Apparently, the people at Notre Dame were the stereotypical white people, wearing Hollister/Abercrombie, tanning on the grass, having BBQs, and playing frisbees. My sister HATES that - and she's used to a lot of diversity because we live in LA, but the campus is pretty much all Caucasians. (She's Asian.)</p>

<p>My sister told me that she would probably be depressed if she attended there. She's hoping at the moment that she can attend Berkeley, but the problem is that we have no money for it. If we get loans, we'd be in a huge debt. My mom and I don't like Berkeley's system, either. They are VERY, VERY competitive and aim at weeding out students, while Notre Dame apparently looks only to improve their students (?) We visited Berkeley as well, and my parents and I didn't really like it, but my sister did.</p>

<p>So it's not really the religious part that's bothering her right now, but the whole atmosphere of the school and the area. So can somebody help us out? Any advice? Any information about Berkeley and Notre Dame? Parents?</p>

<p>I'm really sorry if it's in the wrong forum - I'm new to CC and I was confused on where this post belonged.</p>

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<p>Berkeley won’t give her any money at all? I’d really hate to send a kid halfway across the country to a school at which she’d be unhappy. In fact, as a parent of a rising junior, I simply wouldn’t do that. I’d rather search for scholarships and take out loans than send my child to a place that isn’t right for her.</p>

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<p>@ 4gsmom: They are giving us money, but even with that, we can’t afford it.</p>

<p>And yes, that’s what I’M concerned about, but my parents are trying really hard to convince her to go. That’s what’s annoying me.</p>

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<p>Yet another reminder of how the most important school on the application list is the one that your child likes and you can afford. Pick the safety first. </p>

<p>I would not send my daughter either. Nor would I take out loans. I’d encourage my kid to do at least a year at the local cc and help her find schools that she likes/the family can afford. Or perhaps she could do two years at the local CC and then transfer to Berkeley for her last two years.</p>

<p>Finally, your parents need to stop wishing and start being clear. Whose opinion counts on college tours? That you and your parents did not like Berkeley is interesting but you won’t be the ones who are going. I think it’s a terrible idea for your sister to attend a school because her parents and sibling like it. Can they afford Berkeley or not? Is it Notre Dame or nothing? Clarity is the only way to move forward.</p>

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<p>“Yet another reminder of how the most important school on the application list is the one that your child likes and you can afford. Pick the safety first.”</p>

<p>What a great answer! The whole thing - thanks!</p>

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<p>Your parents might want to consider that if your sister is unhappy with ND all of their helpfulness towards students won’t help. If the student body is gung ho religion she will not do well, especially since there is no off campus culture for her to become involved in. They would be wasting money better spent on a better fit. Your parents may have some wishful thinking that if she is at a Catholic college she will return to their faith. It won’t happen- I was raised Catholic and avoided such schools knowing I would be at odds with the other students.</p>

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<p>If your sister is as you described she would hate Notre Dame for all the reasons you stated. She already hates it. Listen to her…nd alumni</p>

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<p>DO NOT go to CC. She already got into some really good schools. There is no point of taking a year off and jeopardizing her chances of getting in again. I think you would be surprised what people can adapt to. Sure ND is religious, but I’m sure there is a sizable portion of the student body that isn’t religious since it is a top university. If I were your parents, I would tell her that they are only able to afford ND, and that if she wants to go Berkeley or UCSD, that she would have to take out loans.</p>

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<p>I suspect the issue isn’t really money for the parents. I find it hard to believe they could afford ND and not Berkley when the family is instate for UCB. ND aid is need based only. If ND is giving aid then surely she qualifies for aid at UCB? Even without aid at UCB, ND with financial aid is less than instate UCB? Somehow, I doubt it…</p>

<p>But as others have said, it makes no sense for her to go to ND…she already hates it. My kid loves ND but he was open to the idea going in.</p>

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<p>For some middle class kids, attending a well endowed private college can be cheaper, even if just looking at need-based aid. Instate, the UCs are ~$26k. (Almost) everyone has to take at least $9k in self-help before the state taxpayers kick in (the exceptions are Regent’s scholars). Thus, with an efc of ~$17k, UC would provide zero grants, but a private college might provide $30k in grants.</p>

<p>OP, UCLA is just as competitive as Cal. But it really depends on the major. Premed is tough everywhere, but English Lit can be chill. Irvine would be less competitive due to the students, i.e., your sister would be at the top quartile of the class, if not higher. </p>

<p>But don’t waste money at a college that she would hate; that’s just plain silly.</p>

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<p>Bottom line is that you and your parents aren’t going: she is. If she really dislikes ND, then it shouldn’t be on the table.</p>

<p>For a student good enough to get into that list of schools to go to CC is a complete waste of time IMHO. I would only do that if the money issue were paramount. If I were your S, I would hold my nose and go to ND and try to transfer rather than go to CC.</p>

<p>Are you saying that ND is actually <em>cheaper</em> than UCLA or UCB instate for your sister?</p>

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<p>Your sister shouldn’t have to attend any school she dislikes. But this above comment? Wow.<br>
Those evil white kids . . .having BBQs and playing frisbee. The horror!</p>

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<p>She didn’t say they were evil, you did. And you cut this part out;</p>

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<p>If the OP had stated it as “the students at ND were all stereotypical preppy athletic types”, leaving race out, it would have pointed out the same problem. This girl isn’t attracted to Notre Dame.
I’m not in CA, but aren’t there any CCs with “honors” level classes and articulation agreements with Cal-Berkely? Seems like the best alternative. Two years living at home and saving money and then 2 years at the dream school.</p>

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<p>Did USC give get good aid?</p>

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<p>my question is on USC as well. They tend to meet full need and are very generous with need based aid. I would have guessed they were as good as notre dame unless an academic scholarship was involved.</p>

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<p>Notre Dame is giving her a great package BECAUSE they want diversity on their campus. You can see the problem with trying to obtain diversity–without a critical mass of minority kids, it’s hard to attract other minority kids.</p>

<p>I think this is the question that needs to be asked–if not ND, what schools CAN the parents afford to send their kid to? The cheapest alternative may be UCLA and living at home? Are all the other UCs out of the financial picture?</p>

<p>If money is so tight that the answer is either full ride at Notre Dame or CC, then I would leave it up to your sister to choose.</p>

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<p>Here are some figures that I found for last year’s first year class at Notre Dame (from an Apr 2009 article):</p>

<p>3 percent of Notre Dame’s first-year students last year were African-American. That is down from the high of 5 percent in 2006. Hispanics comprise the largest minority at Notre Dame with 9 percent, and Asians are next at 7 percent. Whites made up 77 percent of Notre Dame’s first-year students.</p>

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<p>“Did USC give get good aid?”</p>

<p>She did get a bit of aid, but they are NOT known for giving out money.</p>

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<p>"Notre Dame is giving her a great package BECAUSE they want diversity on their campus. You can see the problem with trying to obtain diversity–without a critical mass of minority kids, it’s hard to attract other minority kids.</p>

<p>I think this is the question that needs to be asked–if not ND, what schools CAN the parents afford to send their kid to? The cheapest alternative may be UCLA and living at home? Are all the other UCs out of the financial picture?</p>

<p>If money is so tight that the answer is either full ride at Notre Dame or CC, then I would leave it up to your sister to choose."</p>

<p>UCs aren’t giving us as much financial aid as Notre Dame is. I guess it’s because of the economy. :frowning: Going to Notre Dame would be much cheaper for us than going to UCLA, because my sister can go to Notre Dame without needing to get any loans. I know that shouldn’t be the reason she should go to ND, but I’m just throwing that out there.</p>

<p>And my sister was overwhelmed by the lack of diversity in ND.
Well, that’s what happens when you live in California.</p>