Help with essay...please?

<p>I wrote my essay in response to Essay B and it talks about how I came to USA from India when I was just about to be turn into a teenager. My topic discusses how I have learned so many things from two distinct cultures and how they have helped me to become a better person. </p>

<p>My English teacher checked it over but he said that it is too broad along with the WORD COUNT (831). He suggested that I should change the essay to either:</p>

<li><p>My life in India</p>

<li>Parts of myself that were developed in the US. </li>
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<p>I personally prefer the second one. However, I feel that all parts of my essay are important. Would anyone care to look it over for what I can edit out or just make it “better”? Grammar and punctuation corrections will be great too!</p>

<p>I will PM it to anyone who would like to.</p>

<p>Thx in advance,</p>

<p>LousantAce</p>

<p>I'll read it, I'm having some difficulty with this topic also so I'm not sure how much help I can be.</p>

<p>sure i will take a look</p>

<p>I'll read it!</p>