<p>help me fix my essay please :) i am so sick.. eahh</p>
<p>hi i cant read it all now, but i'll tell u i noticed that the semicolon in the first line is wrong ... because the first part wouldnt be able to stand on its own. normally i would replace it with a comma, but u have a few commas right before it which could make the sentence flow weirdly...
yeah... i dont know how that could have helped so much, sorry lol</p>
<p>i'll try to read the whole thing later or tomorrow</p>
<p>My suggestions are in brackets...</p>
<p>[As I sat] Sitting in the ambulance, looking at the gray, cold, unfriendly sky; [replace with comma] I think [comma] [H]how did we get so lost[?]. [We lost our way in the Adriondacks on the Threndara trail.] In the Adirondacks on Threndara trail, is where we lost our path. My Grandfather, [s]Sister and I set out that morning with the intention of getting home [in time] for supper, but [insert "our plans"... take out "that"] that soon all changed.
Walking up the steep slope of an unfamiliar, scarcely marked trail, we begin [began] to relies [realize/realise (US and UK, respt)] that we [were] are lost. Without [supplies... take out the rest] a good supply of anything, we decide that its [it was] best not to try our luck and turn around. [We... take out the list] My Grandfather, Sister and I start the steep decline of the hill where we previously ascending. I [could] can feel the adrenalin [misspelt] pumping through my body as I anticipate [anticipated what could happen to us, lost in the woods.] the outcome of getting lost in the woods. </p>
<p>There's your first paragraph. It would be a lot better if you would keep the story in past tense. Also, make it more of a story. Several times you say, "We were lost." How did it feel to be lost? You say you were scared--what were you scared of? What were the sounds? </p>
<p>Also, run your essay through spell check, and keep everything in the active tense. </p>
<p>Is this a college essay, or for school?</p>
<p>This is your first post here?</p>
<p>This is ridiculous. You can thank CLeighDrie for spending so much time on it. I'm more than willing to bet he spent more time correcting your essay than you did! Perhaps he spent even more time than you did writing it! </p>
<p>Before you decide to use as homework buddies; (which I am more than willing to help out on!) try to atleast put some DECENT effort into it prior before handing it off.</p>
<p>thank for the help.. BTW.. TuftsPlease... i have a 102 feever, i have a disibility in writing, and i still got up and turned in my paper. </p>
<p>But thank you guys for the help. Im sure your suggestion have made a better essay. I fixed all the grammer errors ect.. </p>
<p>Jeremy</p>
<p>
[quote]
I fixed all the grammer errors ect..
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</p>
<p>its ETC (et cetera). ...haha .....just wanted to put that out there...</p>
<p>hey you only have 297 posts...dont ***** at people until you have 298...geeeeeeez</p>