Explain that you want to remain (emotionally) close to your parents which will only be possible if they allow you to pursue your own dreams. Tell them you care about their well being from a financial standpoint. Taking out loans is a bad idea if you have an alternative to doing so. Prior to your discussion, gather together (and explain to your parents) evidence supporting the contention that:
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people who attend college have more positive trajectories in life than those that don’t,
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Often college loans can’t be discharged even in bankruptcy; even if a student disappears, leaves, drops out of school, runs away, or dies: “never”!
{illustrated by the following true story:
"It was like science fiction. The house, car and every single piece of evidence Susie Que had ever existed was gone. On the property of the 70’s ranch-style house she had grown up in stood a victorian farmhouse built in the early 1800’s. The only thing left giving even a hint that Susie Que had ever really existed, inexplicably left on the farmhouse curb, was a half completed preprinted book of payment stubs with the final one marked August 15, 2203}
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bus and train routes between NYC and Colgate (prob Bus since Schumer refuses to follow through on rail promises), and
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material about the role parents play in the lives of their adult children and the variables linked to better relationships.
Or just print out this thread and leave it on their pillow.
Op. Please see post 19 for the idea as promised. You may only get them on board with a different angle.
Everyone here is well meaning but may not be aware of the big cultural difficulties you are facing in your real world.
Yes it makes no sense to go anywhere other than Colgate for your dreams as others have stated.
But gender issues and shaming/ostracizing is not how most western families fully understand.
I am sorry that it’s so hard for you. But I think our plan could work. Especially when you remind them it’s free.
If you are an African Islamic family Colgate also has a house solely devoted to African Americans or African heritage. It’s a cultural understanding house.
Perhaps that would be a way to further demonstrate how you will be part of the culture.
And a year abroad in a country such as Turkey Lebanon or UAE might further satisfy them with your plan.
Can your GC or an adult your parents’ trust help you? A relative or family friend?
What about your family’s imam?
I am sorry you find yourself in need of help with this decision. You seem to have a choice to make and it takes you to a new place relative to your family dynamic. I wish you strength!
All I can add to the thoughtful and generous comments above concern the opportunity Colgate offers you and which, no doubt, formed the basis of the offer Colgate granted. The college recognizes the benefits it can deliver to you and encourages you to join the Class via the Office of Undergraduate Studies’ (OUS) program that will nurture your experience.
In connection with preparing to take the discussion to the next level with your family may I strongly recommend you read to them what the colgate.edu website says are the goals of the OUS. Then you will be in a better position to discuss how you will jointly achieve your academic and personal development goals. You will be joining a strong community of like-minded freshmen, and I hope they will try to visualize this rare opportunity.
Separately, and to frame certain other ideas you and they may have, I do not believe it’s in your interest or even practicable for you to visit your parents every weekend. There are so many hours in a day and your days will call for immersion into your academic and extracurricular loads. No time for several hours of train or bus travel; facetime should do as far as periodic updates with family are concerned.
Lastly, you may want to reach out to the Admissions Office who might be prepared to put you in direct contact with underclassmen in the OUS’ programs and/or other students with backgrounds similar to your own. Discussion snd empathy can be helpful.
Best of luck with these deliberations!
Go ‘gate!
@privatebanker what a fantastic idea!
The OP will have to get someone her parents respect to advocate for her, I think. And @privatebanker’s idea is genius.
Do you have a relative who could speak to your parents for you? Your parents love you and are worried and need reassurance. I’m sorry you are having this struggle.
Have you contacted the Muslim Student Association at Colgate? There could be a student or staff member who could give you some btdt advice and help you look into living options that might make your parents more comfortable.
If you can’t attend Colgate, can you live at home and attend Fordham and save the $20,000 per year? You could transfer to Cornell after 2 years once your parents are more comfortable.
OP, I’m sorry that your parents have put you in this position. It is truly unfair. Unfortunately, you are under their control until you graduate from college because you must have their cooperation to continue to get financial aid anywhere. I like the idea of promising to major in Islamic studies. Give it a try. But, if they will not agree, your only choices are to attend one of the schools they approve. It sounds like the debt will be theirs and not yours, although you may feel a moral obligation to pay them back one day. Since it was not your choice to go this path, you may decide that it is not truly your obligation either.
In any case, do whatever you have to to get a college degree. They only have you for four more years and then all of your choices are your own. You need the degree to get their. If it has to be Fordham or CUNY instead of Colgate, its not the end of the world.
Good luck.
I second what @gallentjill says. I was in this unenviable position and moved away to go to grad school. I worked as an undergrad and had enough saved up to be financially independent. That was key. By the time I was 21, I think my parents gave up in trying to enforce ways of the “old country”. But I do not belong to the Muslim community. Many of my students do and their families are much more strict than my parents ever were more than 35 years ago.
I want to emphasize the financial independence upon graduation. It’s the only way i was able to be independent.