Hello guys,
I need a help deciding where I should go to college. Here’s a little background of me- I’m a 4.0 student and has multiple extracurricular activities and wants to major in women studies and economics while minoring in human cognitive science and then pursue a career in law.
I have been accepted to Colgate in the ous scholar program( I’m not sure what that really means- I think that’s the honors program but I’m not sure). I really want to go there because of how small it is. However my parents are very resistant to the idea of me leaving them even though I promised to visit them almost every weekend. Any idea how to convince my parents? Colgate is even offering me a full ride but they still won’t let me go. They made aware that if I leave for Colgate then I no longer will have any connection with them while in college and after. I love my parents but I feel like they’re acting like children. They keep on saying I’m being selfish. Is it worth leaving for a good education knowing that my parents will cut ties with me?
I have been accepted to Fordham. My parents want me to attend there but I will be in debt for life if I go there. I have to pay 20k each year. They’re offering to take out loans and say that I don’t have to pay them back but they’re so contradicting. They say that and then they say u will pay it back why are you going to college for? Plus I can’t allow them to pay for me- i can’t allow them to do that, it will hurt me.
I also got into macually but that’s really not my first choice. I got into through Baruch and Baruch is not big on liberal arts education. I want my core classes to focus on analysis and social problems which I won’t find at Baruch. However it’s better than Fordham financially but it will be harder for me to transfer to Cornell( they gave me priority entry if I chose to transfer- my councelors said that if I keep my grades up and take the science classes they require, they will let me attend-is that true)?
So what should I do? Go to Colgate or go to Fordham or go to Macually Baruch College, or transfer to Cornell. I don’t think my parents won’t even let me go to Cornell since Cornell is the same distance as Colgate. I don’t know what to do, any advice?
Your parents are being ridiculous! Full ride at Colgate vs debt at Fordham is a no brainer.
Have they visited Colgate with your?
What are their concerns? Are they specific to Colgate or are they just not wanting you to leave home? If so, why did they let you even apply?
I would figure out what the root of the issue is and then try to address that. You could tell them you’ll check in daily via text, make up a call/video chat schedule, etc… Maybe offer to come home once/month. FWIW, it’s not reasonable to tell them you’ll come home every weekend. You’ll have school work, ECs, and a life at Colgate. I wouldn’t even put that on the table.
Where do you live? Would you commute to Fordham? If you live near Fordham, how would you come home every weekend from Colgate as it’s a 3+ hour drive. And would you really want to do that?
If you were my child, I would have you take the full ride as Colgate is a great school. Maybe have your guidance counselor talk to them? If it’s truly a full ride and you need no financial help from them at all, there is no resin you can’t go, with or without their permission.
@momfsenior1 my parents don’t want to visit Colgate, they only care about Fordham since it’s so close at home. They’re afraid of me doing bad stuff at Fordham even tho I never did a bad thing in my life. They’re very traditional and are afraid I will drift away from the culture. They make every decision of my life. My parents were never really part of my college application process. Whenever I brought up colleges they’re like wtever idc just aim for Columbia and when I didn’t get in they’re backup choice is Fordham. I offered that I will check in everyday and they said checking in and seeing me everyday are two different things. My parents are too afraid of me growing up. And I don’t know how to explain to them that I’m growing up
@MAmom111 I live very close to Fordham. I told them that I’ll visit every weekend in a way to convince them to let me go. I told my program councelors to call them and they brought a translator to answer any questions they have regarding me leaving but my parents were very mad at that and I believe it made the situation worse. I am getting my other programs and then my school counselor to call but I’m afraid tht my parents will get very aggressive again.
Seriously though, if they are concerned about maintaining your culture, is their a cultural center at Colgate or nearby that you could join? Maybe it would help them to know that there is community there?
I also agree with maybe having your guidance counselor or another trusted adult that would support you talk to them.
@momofsenior1 I did show them but they continue to say Fordham has that too. They think of Fordham as some God for some reason and I have no idea how to get Fordham out of their heads.
@stars202 Is the full ride at Colgate contingent on your parents continuing to file FAFSA? If it is, and they refuse, you may not be able to attend. Please let us know.
Putting your parents into 80K debt for Fordham is a terrible, terrible idea. They can say that they don’t expect you to pay it back, but realistically, given the cultural context you allude to, who is this responsibility going to land on if they can’t afford a decent retirement because of this debt?
I feel like the first order of business here is to veto the Fordham option. They need to understand that you are not willing to borrow for this, no matter whose name is on the loans. Why would you take on that burden for a school that isn’t even your top choice?
Then, the question becomes Colgate vs. CUNY. From where I sit it seems as if this should be a clear choice, but perhaps not to your parents.
If worse comes to worst and this turns into a horrific impasse, would Colgate allow you to defer the scholarship as well as the admission offer for a year? Get a job and save up some money so that you have more time to work through the transition with them, and more financial independence to put the decision more fully in your own hands? Not an ideal outcome, but perhaps better than caving and giving up an opportunity you won’t be able to get back. How would your parents feel about a gap year - is your staying home all they care about, or are they also heavily invested in your starting college right away? (If the latter, then maybe your holding a hard line at “I’m either going to Colgate now, or taking a gap year so that we can work through this without giving up the opportunity altogether” would be a better bargaining position than “Colgate vs. X”… and I’m sure you get into CUNY again in a year just as easily as you did this time.)
Sorry for the tough situation; you sound like you’re being 100% reasonable and your parents are just not able to think rationally about this right now.
@aquapt I am currently financial stable and and have enough to go there. They already hate that I’m working while going to school. I don’t know how they will react to me taking a whole gap year to work. My parents are people who care more about their image as parents so telling people that their daughter is not currently in college will be something very shameful for them to say. So that wouldn’t be an option they will agree on. But I will see how they will act on me asking for a gap year and contact Colgate to see if it’s ok in their end. Thank you for the advice
Tell them that you will consider this major. And connect them with the professor
Colgate has a prestigious Middle Eastern and Islamic Studies major. I am sure that you could also minor in women’s studies and cross pollinate the women’s experience in Islam to help lead important understanding. And it’s s an important time for this and could lead to some interesting career choices.
Plus is may please your parents that you are immersing in an Islamic understanding and other students who are sensitive to your culture. The chair is a leading Islamic scholar. Not a religious leader but you may be able to sell this and have a call with him and your parents in Arabic or Farsi.
The program
“Your academic studies focus largely on the Middle East and North Africa while also incorporating the study of the wider Islamic world.
Our world-class faculty can help you develop an understanding of the origins and development of the Islamic faith in its heartland, as well as your awareness of the multicultural and dynamic character of modern Islam and Muslims.
We also aim to enhance your understanding of the history, culture, politics, and political economy of the Middle East, North Africa, and the Islamic world.”
Plus you can plug into the Muslim resources and prayer opportunities on campus. At least until they grow comfortable.
Let them know in this closed environment you will have less exposure to the issues that concern them than travelling all over NYC.
As a junior and senior you can apply for common interest housing as it’s called. You can tell them, for now, that you intend to create an an all women’s suite who are Muslim or part of your major.
