Hey guys, could someone grade my SAT Essay?

Hey, I’m trying to get a sense of how my essay is and I can’t afford an SAT tutor so I thought maybe you guys could help me. Thanks :slight_smile:

PROMPT:

Most of our schools are not facing up to their responsibilities. We must begin
to ask ourselves whether educators should help students address the critical moral choices
and social issues of our time. Schools have responsibilities beyond training people for jobs
and getting students into college. Svi Shapiro

Assignment: Should schools help students understand moral choices and social issues?


What responsibilities do schools have? Some say that it’s the education system’s responsibility to teach morals to students. Others believe that schools shouldn’t waste time on teaching morals for numerous reasons, one of which being the fact that parents loose control and the government gains control. Another is the fact that most morals that are uniformly agreed upon are quite obvious and teaching them would be pointless. What should be done in a situation of the such? I believe that it should be left up to the parents of a child to decide what morals to teach; like it always had.

Like I’ve mentioned above, some people believe that schools should not only teach core academic topics, but also life lessons. People who support this believe that morals are generally more important than and have a greater positive impact on society. Although these views have probably have good intentions; they are extremely fallacious and do not work in the real world.

One factor that makes the notion that schools should teach morals absurd is that the idea of morality is not united between individuals in the society. Obviously, some types of morals are unified (i.e. killing people is bad) but ‘morals’ that require teaching are not. A very obvious instance of this phenomenon is that some people believe promiscuous behavior is ethical, others do not. Intellectually ‘forcing’ people, via the public education system, to abide by your morals is not only wrong, but also a violation of the First Amendment.

Another factor that makes teaching morals a bad idea is that parents loose control over their children. Naturally throughout history, parents taught their kids what is and is not moral, but now the government does. The government dictates what is and is not moral. This is just steps behind teaching kids to report their parents for thought crimes.

A in all, this is a horrendous idea. Although it may come with good intentions, it will not play out in reality. Morality differs greatly from person-to-person for the ‘ethics’ education to function. It also has great potential for abuse. Morals should be left up to the parents of a child to dictate, not the government.

Your grammar and usage are pretty rough. Your intro alone has four such errors.

*lose control

of the such = *like this

like it always *has been

Like I’ve mentioned above: We don’t want to hear about you. We want to hear about the topic of the essay. Eschew personal pronouns as much as possible.

more important than and: More important than what???

good intentions,*

*the idea that morality

To counter your argument, your belief that I shouldn’t force my morals on your children is just that: a belief. A moral. Aren’t you forcing it on me?

*lose control

“The government dictates what is and is not moral”: You just said this.

“thought crimes”: Slippery-slope fallacy.

The heck is “A in all”?

“It will not play out in reality”: You have not proven that. Show me how you know this would work or not work in reality. Are you psychic?

Agree with everything @bodangles said, although I would probably reword it as “What should be done in such a situation?”

First off, use a better word than “your.” (in general, avoid 1st or 2nd person pronouns in a formal essay, unless directly quoting someone). Additionally, you went a bit off-topic here - the prompt concerns whether schools should help students understand moral choices or issues, not whether schools should force students to abide to their morals. Also, I don’t think this directly violates the First Amendment (as it is concerned about free speech and the right to peacefully assemble), but if it does, explain why!