Hey please help!i'm going 2 send this in soon 4 columbia. Please give honest opinions

<p>Limiting yourself to the space provided, briefly describe which single activity/interest listed represents your most meaningful commitment and why. 300 Characters</p>

<p>Volunteering as a library assistant is an enriching experience that has allowed me to develop tremendously.It has helped me become a responsible young adult.My job was to help people search for books,organize data,discover facts from research work.I enjoyed being surrounded by different books.Being in the environment of books has reinforced my passion for English and literature.By reading many sources of information,my knowledge about the world has increased.I'm grateful that I had the opportunity to educate others on the significance of books.I have learned a lot from the valuable experience.</p>

<p>List and describe your activities, including jobs, during the past two summers: </p>

<p>On June 26, 2009,I was anxiously waiting for the school bell to ring.As I was counting down the seconds,I was imagining the family trip ahead of me.In my country Bangladesh,we explored the zoo,aquarium,parks,museums.On the last night,we had a lovely family dinner. It was an experience I'll remember.</p>

<p>Two Summers ago:
In the summer,I was occupied reading a captivating book called The Odyssey,a story of a Greek hero named Odyseus.He experiences a time-consuming expedition to reach Ithaca after a ten year Trojan War.In the end,the country is at peace.The book has educated me about courage,loyalty and determination.</p>

<p>Can someone please comment on this please? Please read it and give me your honest opinions and suggestions. It would be greatly appreciated. Thanks =)</p>

<p>Can anyone please respond?</p>

<p>Pretty generic and plain…but honest and not too gimmicky.</p>

<p>what do u mean by not too gimmicky? I’m limited to only 300 characters, otherwise I would write so much more</p>

<p>…it’s pretty dry. I wrote my activities essay on basically the same thing (I voulunteer at an elementary public school, and do all the same things) but a love of books and gaining insight if you’re around them all the time…well, we know. It’s a library. That’s what it’s there for. </p>

<p>What do you like about working in a library? About books? How do you feel about them/it? Try showing not telling.</p>

<p>Try to vary syntax more.</p>

<p>Yurtle, I wrote that I enjoyed educating people about books, doing research, etc.,is that good? I’m restricted to my words since there’s only 300 characters, I have 2 try to make everything fit in. That’s the problem. Were you accepted to Columbia?</p>

<p>wittywonka, what do you mean by vary syntax? I don’t quite understand.</p>

<p>Too many of your sentences start with the subject. I would find clever ways to combine/rearrange your sentences.</p>

<p>can you give me an example please?</p>