<p>First and foremost, I'm not trying invoke pity from anyone nor am I trying to seem like a "bad ass". Everyday, I wake up, and no matter what I do, I can't be optimistic about it. I try to console myself by saying that today was an "average day", and that I should at least be grateful for that, as things could be much worse, but I still feel so indifferent. I used to have a lot of friends, but I don't even find them interesting anymore. I just feel gritty and callous, like the true New Yorker I am, I guess. No matter what I do, I don't feel "happy" about it, and I do a lot. I play guitar, I play several sports, listen to a lot of music, and occasionally write. Yet I don't get as much of it as I think other people do, and I'm not even that self-conscious/timid.</p>
<p>I'm going to California to start college in three months, and if I still feel the same way there, then I don't know what I'll do with my life. Perhaps I need companionship or something to aspire for. What can I do to become more optimistic? I'm not going to explode, since I'm used to just holding burdens... but I think my life would be so much more enjoyable if I knew how to live.</p>
<p>No change in emotion from NYC > CA? I think not.</p>
<p>Have something to work for. Some clever guy once said, "Life's pretty pointless if your not willing to die for something", or something along those lines.</p>
<p>x90, that's exactly how I felt last year (senior year of HS) around this same time. You were just able to put it in words, because I couldn't. Well, now that I'm in college (first year) in PA coming from NYC, I can tell you that it's going to be the same if not better. I don't think this helps, but I feel like it got worse...so prepare yourself as you embark into college.</p>
<p>I feel the same way, but I think mine has to do with severe migranes, a few bad assignment grades (now I've lost motivation to try to do better), lost a lot of friends last year (so called best friend spread HORRIBLE rumors about me-->"friends" ditched me) and now I'm having a hard time making friends (they all annoy me and I don't like being around them--we just aren't the same type), and being a senior doesn't help much. I'm hoping college fixes this, but I'm worried since someone I'm kinda friends with is going and she seems to not let go of the past (I'm worried she'll bring things up).</p>
<p>Maybe you are depressed? Go talk to a doctor about it.</p>