holy crap, very discouraged

College Life
1

<p>So backstory, I was always a smart guy, did well in high school, good scores on my exams and ACT and always knew that I wanted to get into some sort of engineering. I have worked on cars since I was 10, always very good at problem solving and understood machinery. </p>

<p>In order to save some money I made a plan of going to a local community college that had a matriculation program worked out with UW Madison. I secured 60 transferable credits and took care of all of my calculus (levels 1-3) and a lot of other pre-reqs. Last semester I transferred and was very excited to start at the university. </p>

<p>Flash forward to shortly after the first round of exams. I had become so stressed out that I couldn't get myself out of bed in the morning, I was questioning my intelligence, had more mood swings than a football stadium brimming with post-menopausal widows. Finally thanks to my friends sought therapy and was diagnosed with severe ADHD and clinically depressed. I was put on medication and had meetings with a psychiatrist every two weeks all of which helped. In the end my grades had been damaged beyond repair and had to withdraw for the semester.</p>

<p>I took the time to work and think about my life, work on my music (I'm a drummer in a local band and do some production work), see friends, spend time with my parents, all things considered I was doing a lot better in a few months but had forked over a semesters worth of tuition and had nothing to show for it. </p>

<p>All through the summer I had fun, I had (still have) a good job doing engineering research, I had some of my best friends replace old roommates, I got to work on my car a lot (my favorite hobby) and I'm reassured that I want to be an engineer. I registered for most of the same classes that I had the prior semester and started hacking away.</p>

<p>At first I felt like it was going well, concepts that seemed cloudy were making more sense, I wasn't as scatterbrained and felt like I was much better off. </p>

<p>Today I Googled "I don't think I'm cut out for college" "College is the only thing making me miserable" "I have lost all ambition in college" among other things. What is going on with me?!? I have given up drinking, I spend time in the library, I get enough sleep, and I'm happy at least when I don't have to deal with all of this bull.</p>

<p>I leave tests thinking that I do well and find out I wrangle down an oh so stellar 70 percent, I forget about assignments, I feel like I understand things in lecture and then when I have the ambition I go home and try to run through problems and I feel like I had a lobotomy. It makes me feel stupid, and I fear that I'm headed in the exact same direction as I was before. I don't understand how if something was placed in front of me and it needed to be modified or even constructed from scratch I have no problem designing it but simple book problems frustrate me. I feel like this is a total waste of time.</p>

<p>Where did I go wrong?</p>

2

<p>I’ve heard Madison’s a grind school, dude. They’re pretty high-ranked for a public school because they take in 9,000 undergrads every year and they make them bust their asses in order to separate the men from the boys. </p>

<p>Engineering, pre-med etc. will be cut-throat anywhere, but being at a big public school is the worst because the only way to stand out is through having the top marks. That’s the real reason why a degree from there means so much relative to others (also the research opportunities etc.) That’s also the real reason why everyone gets sloshed on the weekends in Madison. ;)</p>

<p>From what I know of some of these high-level engineering courses, a 70% might not be that bad…</p>

3

<p>You are in a major where you will really benefit from spending more study time with class mates and office hours. I never had a need for any of that my first 1.75 years in college (apparently I have a knack for math because I sailed through all of those classes easily and the introductory physics classes only had a few challenging parts to them), now I’m in an intermediate Newtonian physics course and for the first time I find value in studying around others and talking to the professor about things (fortunately I have a stellar professor who would spend all day helping undergrads with their questions if he had the time). There is a physics student lounge I hang around in while working on homework, other people are in there doing the same homework as me and talking over the difficult parts. See if there is a mech.eng student lounge. Whatever you do, do not let a temporary funk ruin your life. You will never again have the opportunity to be supported by your parents while going through college.</p>

<p>Office hours.</p>

<p>Study groups.</p>

<p>Discipline.</p>

<p>You gotta want it.</p>

4

<p>Thank you guys for the replies!
Some good stuff that hits home.
I think one of my biggest issues is that when I get discouraged like this (it’s not a normal type of speedbump in the road it feels deeper) that I get so stressed out at the thought of doing this stuff that I just kind of shut down and don’t want to deal with it.</p>

<p>Am I getting so hung up on doing well rather than just passing that I may be grenading myself?</p>

5

<p>Check out Cal Newport’s Study Hacks blog. Read his posts on “deep procrastination.” Sounds like what you’re going through.</p>

6

<p>There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.</p>

<p>The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.</p>

<p>The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise. The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen. The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.</p>

<p>The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree’s life.</p>

<p>He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.</p>

<p>If you give up when it’s winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, and the fulfillment of your fall.</p>

7

<p>Definitely do what everyone has said, study in a group, talk to professors, plant a pear tree. But also consider the possibility you may not be cut out for engineering. </p>

<p>Also, 70s may not be as bad as u think depending on the curve/average</p>

8

<p>Engineering is a tough major for anyone. Are you still working with a counselor? It sounds like ADD could be the root cause of some of your problems still and maybe a counselor could continue giving you techniques to better manage the ADD. It is tough to stay focused and with the requirements for engineering, it isn’t the most interesting stuff on the planet, so maybe you need more ways of being able to keep your focus. Good luck and keep in contact with profs and getting extra help with the classes that are the most difficult for you.</p>

9

<p>thanks once again to everybody! </p>

<p>Lammb: yes I am still struggling with it, unfortunately i cant afford any more sessions with an actual therapist and my schools therapy aid has run out (we only get ten visits to our health center without charges).</p>

<p>Burgsoccer: Great passage, this actually helped me a lot. Lately its been hard to get out of bed, pack my things and hit the library, that was my inspiration for the day so thank you!</p>

<p>Artemis: I will make sure to check that out, on his front page he has a reply to a question about somebody going pre-med but isn’t really sure if that’s what he wants to do. I can really relate to this, I love the idea of designing mechanical components and having them used, I think that’s the reason I like engineering. My parents reinforced that engineering would be a good path for me based on how fascinated I was with mechanical interactions like in the cars I work on and things. If only everything had to do with racecars I think I would be a straight A student to be honest haha. </p>

<p>That would be my dream job, work on a race or drift team of some sort, there would be no convincing to get to work in the morning, I’d show up half an hour early haha. I feel like engineering could lead to one of two paths, 1.) working on a team or 2.) working at a job that makes me hate life in some friggin cubicle designing oil seals all day long. That’s a pretty fine line between dreams and despair. </p>

<p>Anyways enough of my rambling, thank you everybody I will read over and digest the things you’ve said/sent. more advice is always welcome, you guys (gals?!?) are great!</p>

10

<p>I can’t believe your school limits the counseling sessions. Doesn’t seem quite right to me, they should be there for you. And not that I would ever say an online website can replace face to face human contact, are there any websites for adults with ADD. Others have been through this may have some good tips. I have a good friend with adult ADD and he is on medication to help keep him focused, and he was an engineering major. He still has to make himself refocus at times and keep huge notebooks with notes as to what he needs to get done so he doesn’t miss anything.</p>

11

<p>I actually got that passage from my school’s Digital Logic webpage. I will be taking that class next semester, so that passage tells me i am in for a rough time.</p>

12

<p>Develop some mental toughness dude. No matter what happens, trick your mind into thinking that you can do it. If you have a bad attitude and think that you can’t do something, you are probably right. Even if you study the hardest, a bad attitude can wipe it all away. The journey of a thousand miles starts with one step, keep plugging at it and don’t ever quit.</p>

13

<p>I agree with Orbit ^ though everyone else has very optomistic answers. But ya like orbit said. he was a little harsh but he was blunt. And real. </p>

<p>Stop b%$^&ing or mopping. Its harsh I know, but some of us need a wake up call. Try to be as mentally healthy as humany possible!!! Eat very healthy, EXERCISE, dont party. And think positive. If you can get really mentally healthy then all these moments of self doubt will seem like nothing, or at best you will be better prepared to defend off negative thoughts. Good luck. Take to heart what we all say, we all are different and experienced in our own way.</p>

14

<p>Actually I didn’t find orbit’s comment harsh at all, could have done without texas’s *****ing and mopping comment (I think he meant moping, I spend very little time washing floors but I digress) but there is some good info and thank you for the words texas. I find comfort in people telling me that while it may be tough (a thousand mile journey) they have faith in the fact that I can do it. </p>

<p>What mental tricks do you guys use to convince yourself that everything will pan out and that you just need to shrug it off and keep going?</p>

15

<p>I don’t know about you, but as someone who suffers from anxiety and mild depression, I don’t find the “suck it up; just be positive!” comments very helpful.</p>

<p>Would it be possible to make a case to administration or the counseling center to allow more appointments? The college should support the welfare of the community, and that includes its mental wellbeing. It’s great that you’re on medication, but if you are still having this much trouble then you need some real guidance on how to combat those negative feelings, something in which a counselor is (usually) very well trained.</p>

<p>As far as your course material goes, try going to office hours whenever possible. It will better prepare you for the tests as well as give your professor an opportunity to get to know you. If you find yourself overwhelmed while studying, take a short break to do something mindless. Incentives combined with practice problems always helped me on my problem sets; like a gummy bear for each correct answer. ;)</p>

16

<p>zchryevns, since you seem to be the expert psychologist here, what do you suggest? that the OP continue to see a therapist everytime there is a mental relapse? I think that’s misguided. A therapist can only go so far in helping you so that you don’t go insane/depressed/suicidal. At the end of the day, only your own motivation to do well and ability to rebound from setbacks will carry you through the four years of college. To the OP ideas that will alleviate the depressed, sinking feeling from best to worst (you have no obligations to take my advice, they are just suggestions!): 1) trust in Jesus and read the Bible → better than any therapist. Jesus is God; he decides your fate on this earth, and your fate in eternity when the short time of life on earth pasts. Live your life for him and you won’t be afraid of anything. 2) Deactivate the facebook acount, delete the Twitter, texting, cut the T.V. (hard, but do you really want the A’s? it’s a trade off) 3) Make some real friends. The kid that asks you what grade you got on this or that test, the kid who’s always trying to measure your performance against theirs, or the kid who you ask for help and they give a half-hearted response is not a real friend. A real friend will work on homework with you happily, explain concepts for you when you don’t understand, and are people that you can talk to about anything at ease. 4) Develop the edge. The edge is when you are in focus mode and you stop thinking about EVERYTHING, except the task at hand. I say I will study for three hours, then I set a timer, I stop thinking, and I just do it. Good luck.</p>

17

<p>

</p>

<p>oh Jesus…</p>

<p>OP just do your best. Engineering is hard, not everyone is cut out for it. Put in the work and don’t quit. Have a stong base (family, friends, etc.) to talk to (not a shrink or imaginary frien). A 70 may not even be that bad. If worse comes to worse change majors, you woudn’t be the first and still could be very successful.</p>

18

<p>Well…

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like OP made sure to establish a strong base during his time off. Clearly it’s still important, no one will deny that; but from what I’ve read in this thread, it seems like the one thing OP does not have access to is a counselor. I don’t mean to sound confrontational when I say this: family members and friends will only help so much. They have not gone through years upon years of training to help those who have conditions like depression, ADHD, etc. You should absolutely talk to your friends and confide in them, but it’s not very realistic to expect a friend to provide the same kind of help that a therapist can. Contrary to popular belief, they don’t merely sit and listen to you for an hour at a time. They provide steps to taming conditions so that those who seek help are able to function to their fullest ability.</p>

<p>However, I’m sure I’ll be bombarded by those who have no history of mental ailment and have never sought therapy. ;)</p>

<p>And the Jesus lover.</p>

19

<p>You’re in engineering at UW madison. Its normal to get a 70. </p>

<p>Work on your car on the weekend. Go to vocational school during the summer.</p>

20

<p>My faith has helped me too. In fact, sometimes it’s the only thing keeping me going when I would have otherwise given up.</p>