<p>I thought coming home would be perfect -- eating home cooking again, seeing old friends and family, and rediscovering the things I called mine. But lately, it hasn't been measuring up to what I expected. The thought of me living at home, even for a week, seems stifling. Now that I've gotten used to the flow of college life and the autonomy, coming back home throws me almost completely off-guard. Furthermore, my room isn't what it was anymore. Before I went to college, my brother didn't have a room of his own, but he slept with my parents while I had my room to myself. My room was a sanctuary. It was where I could close the door and no one would judge me, where anything and everything I did stayed there, where I gathered my thoughts and found peace from the hectic of everyday life -- if only for one night -- before going back out again.</p>
<p>Seeing my room taken over by my brother now feels like that sanctuary is gone. I feel like an ancient Roman who has time traveled and seen the city he called home become nothing but ruins (okay not to that extent, but I still felt like I lost something). I don't know; home just doesn't feel like home that much. </p>
<p>Am I just being too selfish? Should I just move on and accept the fact that where I sleep at home will be temporary before I have to go back to college again after every break?</p>
<p>Yes it’s just temporary. You’ll get to go back to college in a week. Go spend time with your family on Thanksgiving. You’re seriously being overly dramatic.</p>
<p>I get that’s it’s hard when things change while you’re away, but yeah, you should just accept that your brother gets your room now (you couldn’t have honestly expected them to keep your room exactly the same even when you’re not living there anymore). It’s not unreasonable to just have a temporary place to sleep while you’re only there for a week, and then go back to school. If you’re really need to get away from your family every once in a while, just get out of the house and go for a walk or to the store or something.</p>
<p>And if you really can’t handle being at home for that long, then plan on doing something else for your breaks. Go on a trip with friends during spring break, stay at school over the summer, etc. After my older sister she rarely came home because she was always doing other things, and when she did, she usually slept in the living room because she didn’t have a bedroom after we moved. It wasn’t a big deal, really, and to be honest, it doesn’t sound like your situation is that devastating. Hang out with your family, and make the most of it. At some point, you won’t have “breaks” anymore where you can just go home and see your family. Don’t let not having your own room ruin your time with them.</p>
<p>What are you doing to help your family out while you’re back at home? They are adjusting, too. It seems like you’re expecting things to be the same as they were when you lived there- except you should have your autonomy, too.
You seriously expected your little brother to continue to sleep with his parents while the room you had sits empty? That would be weird, and you know it.</p>
<p>Pitch in and help your parents out. Spend some quality time with your little bro and be grateful for your family.</p>
<p>Parent here…that first Thanksgiving was tough for us too! One of my friends nailed it - when you first left for school, we were doing the same stuff, and you were doing all kinds of other interesting things. It was like we were a puzzle missing a piece. Gradually, we developed a new rhythm to our family without you being there 24/7 - we built a new puzzle, filled in the gaps, etc. when you came back, it was as if you expected everything to be the same, but you were different, and our family rhythms were different. It was easier at Christmas - easier at Spring break, and by summer we had a new reality. </p>
<p>The truth, though, is that if school is going well, it is natural to want to stay!! You miss your friends - your new city - your routine - your independence. Use what the other posters said, and look for ways to help and show your new perspective. Savor your time with your siblings.</p>
<p>Sooo…the family should leave your room as an empty shrine while you are away at school, while your parents continue to share the room with your brother…while they are paying for you to have a room at school…? And your brother should not have the chance to have his own room either? I’m sure you don’t really think this way.</p>
<p>Yes, things have changed, for you and for them. When my sons went away to college, they fully expected to graduate and go on to the next phase of their lives…which they intended to be not sitting on the couch at “home.” “Home” became more of a home base or launching pad for the rest of their lives–they never really expected to live at “home” again, except as a place for extended visits to love up on their dear old mom and dad.</p>
<p>They also found that other aspects of their lives at home had changed with their going away to college. The lives of their friends had gone on with out them as well. Life didn’t stop in a freeze frame just waiting for them to return to center stage.</p>
<p>I am sure that you don’t expect to come home from college and have all the old middle school and high school rules still apply to you. You want your family to respect your new independence and to treat you accordingly. You’ve changed, you’ve grown, you’ve spread your wings. And change works both ways.</p>
<p>You’ll be fine, just have to adapt.
Also keep in mind that it’s probably hard for your family when you’re gone.
While you’re out at school, they probably feel an emptiness when you’re gone.</p>
<p>This’ll sound like an odd complaint, but I wish my brother had taken over my room. He wanted to, and I openly said many times that it was fine, but my parents still insisted he leave it alone. So it’s still cluttered with junk I pulled out from drawers, etc. while I was packing for college. I’d rather come home to someone actually using and enjoying the room than to a corpse of its former self.</p>