<p>Well, I didn't want to post this at first, but since it seems like y'all always give good advises, so here I go...</p>
<p>Well I'll be leaving for college soon, thus leaving my room vacant for the year except for Winter & Summer Breaks (so probably 3-4 months?). With me leaving, there is an extra room, thus my parents invited my cousin to live in my room for the time being (her college is nearby, so without the cost of living expenses, it'll save her money). They said that whenever I come back, I would get my room back and that she will move to the living room for the time being (we have a bed there too). At first I didn't really mind since I'm away, so might as well let someone else in the family to use it. </p>
<p>Well as time go on, I feel a bit weird now... I feel like whenever I come back, the room is no longer mine and making my cousin move to the living room is like asking the owner to leave their room for the guest. I guess I kind of feel like an outsider now... I've been thinking of living in the living room when I come back, but summer is like 2-3 month long and I would not like to live in the living room for the whole summer... I wouldn't mind doing it for the winter since I'd be only be there for like 2-3 weeks.</p>
<p>So now is my question... am I overthinking? I feel like part of me is being a bit selfish here, but I'm not sure if this is the right way to feel. The feeling of feeling like an outsider when I return home from the breaks makes me feel a bit homesick/sad/uncomfortable now. Of course I do not mind my cousin living with us or living in my room when I'm gone, but now that I keep thinking about when I'll come home from the break, I feel kind of sad... </p>
<p>Well should I be feeling this way? And how should I handle this? I have no intention of telling her to not stay with us, so it's more like asking your advises on how I should handle this. Sorry if I sound a bit childish... </p>
<p>If you have any questions please feel free to ask me.</p>
<p>I’m not good at creative solutions for this kind of thing, but other parents will be along soon with great advice for you. I just wanted to say I don’t think it’s silly or childish or strange that you feel this way. It’s been your room, and now there’s going to be some awkwardness about it, at the least. What would be childish and selfish is if your attitude was “How can I get my parents to withdraw the invitation?” I don’t hear that in your post. I’m impressed that you’re thinking of your cousin as well as yourself.</p>
<p>You’re not overthinking. Your feelings are legitimate. College students are home quite often, and your “home” situation is going to change substantially. That has to feel weird. </p>
<p>But what I’m wondering is why your cousin would be at your house when you are? Won’t she go to stay with her own family during some of the breaks, especially the long summer vacation? She’s a college student, too, after all. Your time at your parents’ house may overlap a little with your cousin’s because breaks start and end at different times at different colleges, but I wouldn’t think that the two of you would be tripping over each other all summer.</p>
<p>If your cousin is as considerate as you appear to be, she won’t be comfortable with you sleeping in the LR for any length of time. She too will look for comfortable solution. She will go home for winter break. If you really do come home for summer (the worm got summer jobs near campus every summer), then you will find another solution. The cousin may be happy to sublet in summer, when rents reasonable. I suspect your cousin would rather live on campus than with your parents.</p>
<p>I think it will work out fine-- your cousin is probably just as thoughtful as you are, and clearly your parents are thoughtful too— it’s easy to forget just how strange and uncomfortable this time is, when a young person is leaving home for college and still feeling very attached to his/her home of 18 years! Talk to your mom or dad about the feeling, and how to preserve your sense that this is very much your own place-- that will help you be okay with this. (I’m sure your cousin is going to be wishing to be with his/her friends in the dorms.)</p>
<p>I dont mean to be cruel, but maybe just be glad that your parents are willing to pay for you to live on campus. Of course it is not silly how you feel, but try to look at the bright side. </p>
<p>My grandparents not only let cousins live with them (they lived in same city as their flagship U), but would not pay for my mom to live on campus. It got crowded, but my Grandma thought it was the right thing to do.</p>
<p>If your parents live near a college town, my guess is summer sublets are very reasonable. Your cousin may want to move out.</p>
<p>If both of you are going to be in your parents’ home town for the summer, it may make sense for one of you to get a cheap summer sublet, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be your cousin who does it. You might enjoy being the one in the off-campus apartment. </p>
<p>In any case, the possibility that both of you might be there for the summer – and that things would get a little squashed if you were – is something to discuss with your parents a few months down the line. Remember, the new arrangement is going to inconvenience them, too, whenever both of you are there, because access to the living room will be limited since someone will be sleeping there. They might be very pleased with the idea of one of you living elsewhere for the summer.</p>
<p>A few years ago, I broke my leg and couldn’t climb the stairs. I had to use the first-floor living room as a bedroom for a couple of months. This really annoyed my family, even though they were still sleeping in their usual bedrooms, because it limited their use of the living room. This is why I think your parents, after seeing how awkward the situation may be during the short college breaks, might want to consider a different arrangement for the summer.</p>
<p>Your feelings are understandable. You and your family are very generous. But, remember, it is your room. So, don’t sleep in the LR. You are doing your cousin a favor. As earlier posters said, cousin will probably be home most of time you are home, so may not be so much of an issue.</p>
<p>Thank you for all the helpful posts, parents! Really helped me a bit now since I was feeling extremely guilty for feeling the way I felt as I wrote this thread.</p>
<p>Basically, my cousin is an international student, thus have to pay an OOS fee. Because of that, our family was more than happy to help her by providing her with home/food, etc… to help reduce the cost of her already expensive tuition. I am not sure if she will be going back when it’s the break, but I highly doubt she will and I really understand that (the cost of going home probably cost a lot 500-700+?).</p>
<p>We’re not the same gender if that will help in this discussion. This is probably one of the main reasons why I feel weird when I think about it. </p>
<p>I really feel like I want to tell my parents that I might as well as stay on campus during the summer for summer school/job to avoid this situation. However, I feel like if I bring up that idea, my parents would begin realizing that I’m uncomfortable with this arrangement. I’m just worry that such idea would make them reconsidering housing my cousin, which I have no intent in doing. I never felt this way until recent when I begin cleaning my room for my cousin. </p>
<p>I guess this is a deadlock situation, but I don’t know how I should really feel… </p>
<p>But anyways, many thanks for all the responses so far. They were very helpful!</p>
<p>I think you’re having totally reasonable feelings that probably have more to do with leaving home than with your cousin. Don’t plan for next summer now-- who knows what you or your cousin will be doing? Just do the best you can with your move and think about all the exciting times ahead at school. I would definitely discuss this with your mom though-- of course you want your cousin to have this chance, but what can you do to make it more comfortable for yourself? I have a feeling there are some simple things you can do that will improve your sense of things.</p>
<p>While your cousin likely won’t go home for winter break, that passes quickly. The real issue is next summer and summers thereafter. This may be a stupid question, but are there any other sibling rooms or is it a two bedroom house? Since you and your cousin are different genders, you may not want to stay in the same room, but maybe one of you could sleep on an air mattress in another kid’s room or maybe an office area? The living room IS really awkward, I understand your feelings. I spent three months in ours when I was unable to get upstairs and it was a pain for everyone and I’m the mom!
I also understand that the uncertainty makes it harder to pack up and leave. Leaving is already hard enough without this issue. You have a lot on your plate right now–maybe you can table the issue for the moment and get settled in to school and then reevaluate in the spring. Lots can happen between now and then.</p>
<p>"what I’m wondering is why your cousin would be at your house when you are? Won’t she go to stay with her own family during some of the breaks, especially the long summer vacation? She’s a college student, too, after all. " Your cuz should be going home for the summer, so it shouldn’t be a problem.</p>
<p>I will say that you should not discount your own feelings about “losing” your room. i think that is a normal feeling. I would suggest that you reflect on the historic nature of the economic stress that this country is under right now. Many people lose their homes, families fall apart, etc. There are people really suffering right now. There are a lot of kids right now that are forced to put college off a year or two because what what this recession has done to their families’ economic status. If you can make the sacrifice to help your cousin stay in college and do so with less financial strain onthe family, then chalk is up to your willingness to telerate a less than ideal situation because of the double dip recession. A lot of people have it a lot tougher. In the long term, you will be glad you did this for her.</p>
<p>sympathetic to your thoughts of displacement in your home BR…however, will just throw out there that our sons didn’t come home anymore after sophomore year…there will be ways you can probably figure out how to support yourself or break even summers in places that are resume builders or just places to take a class and work part time locally…so even if you have to bear up to a first summer at home, once you get settled in your college…after year one or two…the moon shifts. And students start working much harder to get “experience” in the summers. Sad for parents but part of the process in most families as we no longer have our kids home more than a couple of weeks at a time. Lots of ideas will appear if you look.<br>
By all means immerse yourself in your freshman year, come home, do your best with your family, but recognize that college life has “chapters” in it, and midway through…you may have resolved this problem by not being around that much and by enjoying your independence a lot in the summers…ditto for your cousin.<br>
take care and hope you have a great fall semester…</p>