<p>Because I care a lot about higher education.</p>
<p>Because I care a lot about my children and tend to get interested in whatever is important to them at the moment.</p>
<p>Because the application/choice process was so intense, weird, and emotional. And interesting.</p>
<p>Because it’s a distraction from my own problems.</p>
<p>I like to brag about my kids (a little, within reason), but which college they go to is only a teeny part of that. I want to brag about who they are, what they do, how they think, not where they go.</p>
<p>Harvard vs. Dartmouth? Neither would be my top choice. Average lifetime earnings statistics wouldn’t even enter the discussion, between those colleges or any other colleges. If either of my kids had been interested in Dartmouth, I would have swallowed my historical dislike of it and been enthusiastic, but neither was interested in the least. I think Harvard is the greatest university in the world, and I turned it down twice, because I had other options I liked more.</p>
<p>I could have written post 21 except for the last paragraph. (Have no interest, nor did my kids, in H or D.) </p>
<p>Additionally I will say, reinforcing the “intensity” part of that post, that the process is way more complex than when we parents were that age – a process that seems to profit from a combination of adult + student perspective, if for no other reason than pooling research. When you have a lot of choices to consider + 5-10 times the competition (unlike in previous generations), a lot more data is necessary in order to achieve a positive outcome, even if that outcome is not predictable or “perfect”/ideal.</p>
<p>Ever the academic, I was “so concerned” about research & strategy, more so than “so concerned” about final results.</p>
<p>Finally, families with any kind financial aid need should be very “concerned” about admissions, because offers of aid differ widely among colleges. Parents actually need to be involved in that, not only because their incomes are at issue in awarding aid, but also because finances will then figure into every college on that student’s list. It makes little sense to achieve an acceptance that the family (or the U) cannot fund.</p>
<p>Well, since I’ve got one of each, I can honestly say that either one is fine with me. And truth be told, I’m kinda disappointed neither one of them showed much interest in UC Berkeley, which is even farther down the bragging rights hierarchy.</p>
<p>Excellent question, OP. Speaking for myself:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>It’s not about bragging rights at all. In fact, among the colleges my son is applying to, one of the less highly-esteemed ones is the one I think he’d be happiest at, and I’m encouraging him to consider it seriously regardless of how the rest work out.</p></li>
<li><p>I define my success in life largely by how well I provide for my children, and that includes ensuring their future with a good education. In my family, we have done a little better from each generation to the next, going from uneducated immigrants, to graduating from high school, to graduating from college (me). If my kids get into better colleges and have more opportunities than I did, I will rest easy.</p></li>
<li><p>We are not wealthy, so financial aid is a big consideration. Finding the best college (defined by both quality and personal fit) for the best price is always on my mind.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Being a parent and knowing many parents, I’m sure that few of them care about bragging rights. Most of us genuinely want what’s best for our kids and nothing more; we just define “best” in a variety of ways.</p>
<p>Because I’ve raised her alone since day one…because she was a LIFE, not a CHOICE. So I OWE her what her “sperm donor” (that’s the only title he deserves) never wanted to give her - a CHANCE. Not just at an existence, but at the best possible life I can help her attain. And I then spent 18 years giving every moment of every day to her future because she’s had it bad enough, and DESERVES that from me. And she should reap the best that we can possibly do as far as education. Because I’ve also spent every dime I’ve ever had on her, and will go into further debt for her education (an education I was never lucky enough to have). It might be very difficult to pay off this debt in my lifetime, considering my marital status, age, health situation, and earning potential. </p>
<p>So…enough of the “sappy stuff”…it’s really so that she can -TAKE CARE OF ME in my old age!!!</p>
<p>(Your parents are not trying to ride your coat tails, glam on to you, attach themselves to your star, live vicariously. If they brag about you, it is because they are PROUD of you, and love YOU, not themselves-for having a son who goes to Harvard. Most kids are NOT ready to search for a college, complete the crazy admissions process (especially at top colleges), and make these decisions - alone. YOu should WELCOME your parents’ help, not belittle it. Other kids whose parents “dropped out” when the going got tough (in high school, when you’re getting snotty and know-it-all and your friends are doing drugs) - THOSE kids might WELCOME a little guidance. Accept your parents’ involvement and excitement about this wonderful step in your life, or don’t accept their help paying for it).</p>
<p>People like to throw in “bragging rights” when it comes to parent’s involvment with their kid’s life. I don’t know about most of you out there, I don’t getting that much bang out of it. Other than CC, I don’t talk about my kids that much (maybe that’s why I am on CC so much) because most people are not that interested. So the idea that I would want to kill myself and worry about them just so I could tell people where they are going school is really stretching it.</p>
<p>I am concerned about their college process because I care. It is also a huge investment for us. I don’t think I would feel comfortable in letting an 18 year old make a decision by herself on how to best spend the college money (may it be 5000 or 50,000). I think the most important thing is we want her to be happy, and with a secured future. As a parent, I would like both of my girls to have as many options in their lifes as possible, not be limited because of lack of education.</p>
<p>Would I rather see my son at Harvard or Dartmouth? :D:D:D I’d rather see him at Harvey Mudd – because it’s a place he’s called “home” from the very start, it will challenge him and prepare him for some of the things he wants to do with his life, and he’s already grown so much in just a few months there. Bragging rights don’t come into the picture, as very few people I socialize with have ever heard of Mudd (and I don’t really care to impress anyone here on CC – nothing personal, just not into bragging at random strangers on the Internet).</p>
<p>Why was I involved? I was involved because parents are advocates for their kids. I was involved because I had held him in trust for his adult self for 17 years, and I wasn’t going to bail on him at the moment of his first adult choice. I was involved because nobody thought to help me with the process at all, and I didn’t want him to look back as I have and wonder “what if?” I wanted the next stage of his life to be something he had chosen for himself – with purpose, not by default, and with an eye toward what would fulfill him and make him happy. He is now challenged to the utmost, exhausted most of the time, and almost deliriously happy at a place his high school GC had never heard of (and vice versa).</p>
<p>When he shared his stress over the application process (long after it was all over), I told him that the world was his oyster and I’d be perfectly happy and satisfied and proud of him if (for example) he preferred to attend the local community college and move on to a state university afterward. Or anything in between. He was silent for a while, then said, “I wouldn’t.” Where he is now is where he chose to be. I’m happy that I was there to cheer him on… and, yes, sometimes to egg him on.</p>
<p>There are thousands of good colleges in this country. </p>
<p>To answer your question, my primary concern is that if I’m going to pay tens of thousands of dollars a year, I want it to be for a college at which my sons will thrive academically, athletically and socially for 4 years. My older son is at such a college (minus the athletic part - not his thing). My younger son is narrowing in on the right college for him, which will be very different from my older son’s.</p>
<p>The name brand has nothing to do with it, nor do bragging rights.</p>
<p>I really cared a lot for my D for lots of reasons:</p>
<p>She really had a dream U and wanted to go there. I felt it was a good fit and I like my <em>baby</em> to get what she wants when it’s something I think would be good for her. </p>
<p>My D tends to be a bit like the hare in the story of the hare and the tortoise. If she doesn’t have some competition, she accomplishes less. It may not be an admirable trait, but it’s the way she is. I swear if you stuck her into the Olympics–she’s nowhere near a good enough athlete to qualify–she’d probably pull off the performance of a lifetime–though she would still come in last. Ask her to run, swim, bike, etc. against the clock, and she’ll post miserable times. So, I felt strongly that she NEEDED to go to a school where she would have some competition. </p>
<p>My D tends to blend into the environment. I wanted her to go to a school where working hard, discussing your classes, etc. would be “mainstream.” If beer pong was the most important activity on campus, my D would probably become an expert player. </p>
<p>I thought she needed to improve her writing. I didn’t think this would happen if she went to a U where she took scantron tests.</p>
<p>I also --being truthful here–wanted her to go to a school where there would be some guys at the same intellectual level. I wanted her to have at least the possibility of meeting “the one” in college. I did not want her to go to a college where 99 out of 100 guys would be less intelligent than she is. I think being of somewhat equal intelligence makes for a better relationship. I wasn’t hoping she’d get a Mrs. degree, as we used to say way back when, but I knew she’d be unhappy socially if there weren’t a fair number of guys who might be of romantic interest.</p>
<p>as for H v. D, H hands down because D would be very, very wrong for my kid. Too rural, too Greek, too jocky. She would not fit in. For a different kid, I might give a different answer. (My D’s dream U wasn’t H and she didn’t apply there for undergrad.)</p>
<p>For my oldest, I’d rather see him at Carnegie Mellon which convinced the whole family that it was a better place for a budding computer scientist than Harvard or Dartmouth.</p>
<p>For younger son - he’s not in love with either place.</p>
<p>I chose Harvard - strictly because I only applied to universities in cities.</p>
<p>Why do I care? I want my kids to end up at universities that allow them to develop to be the best they can be.</p>
<p>It is in part because it can cost me $200,000, and because the fact that someone thinks I have $200,000 to spend ought to mean something.</p>
<p>"And regarding the Harvard vs. Dartmouth question "</p>
<p>I’ve heard of those… why do you ask? I’m looking for info about CSU’s and Div II soccer for a kid with average (3.0 GPA and 160 PSAT’s) stats… anybody?</p>
<p>1) I wouldn’t phrase it that way but generally, Yes.
2) No.
3) Harvard, because my D prefers it over Dartmouth.</p>
<p>The honest answer to OP’s title question:</p>
<p>I am concerned because the colleges that my child wants to attend are hard to get into and I’m told that parents can help by playing a supportive role. I want to help her reach <em>HER</em> goals.</p>
<p>I went to my state school and assumed my kids would go to their state school for their bachelors. I had no idea how much things had changed. So many kids with good gpa’s aren’t getting into our flagship school where I am. </p>
<p>So I am much more involved in the process than my parents were because college is impacting our finances much more. There’s a lot more paperwork when you have to have a scholarship…when you’re forced to apply to privates you can’t cash flow. Two of our kids have the grades and scores to go to the best but we’re all feeling nervous about budgets and jobs these days and all agree to walk away if there’s not merit money with those ivy league acceptances.</p>