I see so much interest on CC about chances, Ivy’s, tiers etc and I just wonder how many are really concerned about these things and how much pressure these young people are putting on themselves and it concerns me. I have 3 children, One who went to college but did not finish but managed to work herself up to supervisory level at her job (wish she had finished and believe that she has what it takes but the maturity was not there). One who went to an Ivy and graduated and doing very well now, however that particular Ivy was not the best fit for him. The last, DD20 who will be graduating from H.S. next year and is a high performing student. I’m at the point right now where I am not concerned about the tier, how competitive or whether it is an Ivy or not. DS14 went to the Ivy and his coworkers are not all Ivy graduates but attended various colleges all over the US and he is os happy and inspired at his place of employment. DD20 felt some pressure to attend an Ivy because she felt that DS14 set the bar high. After much discussion and thought she came to the conclusion that she wanted to be happy more than she wants to be able to say that she went to a school with a “brand name”. I personally just want her to be happy in a place where she can also participate in extra curricular’s that she also loves such as theater and dance because she can be a bit serious and hard on herself. I hear so much about the super competitive, cut throat, pressure cooker environments where students are leaving school without telling their parents, pretending that they are graduating, struggling with mental health or committing suicide because they think that their parents are going to be disappointed in them. I myself took forever to graduate from college because I did not have the parental support or guidance from a consultant or college counselor that DD20 has which is amazing. I have already had the conversation with my child about finances and the fact that finances may dictate where she will ultimately attend and have encouraged her to pick many schools that she can be happy at. DD20’s College counselor found many schools that I had never heard of and after visiting was very impressed. Praying that whatever school she ends up in is perfect for her.
We must be the slacker family, at least by CC standards. My kids each had a list of a dozen or so colleges, ranging from likelies to reaches and I honestly think they would have gotten a solid education and had a good fit at any of them. One kid got into their ED school which was a reach. One kid was not accepted at their ED school, had 9 to choose from and went to a match, passing on a few higher ranked schools. Each had 1 Ivy on their final list which was a reach for both. It was on the list based on fit not prestige.
My kids didn’t do all the test prep talked about on CC, either.
There are so many excellent schools out there, especially if you don’t get hung up on what impression might be made on other people. My kids both attended excellent LACs which the average person has never heard of.
Maybe we’re more laid back about things than the typical CC frequenter because we, as parents, didn’t go to a super prestigious college but did quite well anyway. I think happiness and success (however one defines it) is largely attributable to skills and factors not measured by grades and what college one attends. There are a few career paths where that is a factor but very few.
On the flip side, stress and anxiety can take a huge toll on one’s success and happiness. Some people thrive on it but not the majority.
My D has the grades to shoot for the top tier and we toured a number of reach schools. She hated the uptight, competitive vibe at most of them, including our family alma mater. We toured 15 schools and she chose 8 to apply to that all “felt right” to her. Only one reachy school and that was only because we asked her to put in application to at least one. She was rejected and didn’t care a hill of beans as she was accepted EA to her top pick.
One of her friends applied early rolling admission to one school and that was it. She had her acceptance and merit money in October. She had a great, pressure free senior year. It’s possible!
And I agree that there is a crazy amount of pressure families are putting unnecessarily on or students.
@doschicos, thank you for that. My daughter has taken the SAT and ACT and has not taken any test prep other than online when she thinks about it and that’s probably not often. She is taking 2 subject tests next week with no prep also. She manages to do pretty well.
@momofsenior1, OK so I don’t feel so left out now. We have a few reach schools because they matched the profile to what my daughter is looking for (small school, near a town, major and ECs) but her initial first choice was a public college about an hour from our home. talking about slacking huh and she is in the 97% for SAT & ACT.
“we toured a number of reach schools. She hated the uptight, competitive vibe at most of them”
Older child and I went to visit an Ivy because we were in the area visiting other colleges. The info session was first. Thank goodness we chose aisle seats because the crowded info session had such a highly wound up and intense environment generated by both the admissions staff and uptight parents that my kid wanted to bail halfway through. So we did, skipping the rest of the info session and the tour. We had a really nice and relaxing lunch nearby. 
@Sarrip I’m sure your daughter will do just fine and will have good choices. Kudos to you for focusing on happiness.
My older daughter selected colleges where she was 50%-ile and higher, with 40+% acceptance rates, so we weren’t stressed at all. She had 4 applications in by Nov. 1 and was accepted to her first choice and a local safety within 3 weeks. Having the search complete by Dec. 1 made things pretty easy.
Younger one has an initial list that’s pretty much the USN top 20, and the stats to go with it, so I suspect this will be more challenging.
“Younger one has an initial list that’s pretty much the USN top 20, and the stats to go with it, so I suspect this will be more challenging.”
Even these students need matches and safeties and applying EA or rolling to a school or two gives some comfort by December.
“Younger one has an initial list that’s pretty much the USN top 20, and the stats to go with it, so I suspect this will be more challenging.”
Excuse my ignorance but what is USN? I’m not familiar with all of the acronyms on CC.
US News fits more than US Navy, so I’m going with that.
USN= US News as in USNWR USNews and World Report.
We’re total slackers as well. S20 is going to apply to three schools - Arizona, Washington State, and Oregon. He’s not even all that interested in Oregon anymore, but he’s been a huge fan of their sports teams for years so he feels obligated to apply. U of A and WSU are solid matches and Oregon is pretty close, maybe a slight reach. He’s planning to apply as soon as the open the apps so he can find out early, and then relax the rest of the year.
He said the GC told his class they need to have a reach school, so he looked for one but couldn’t find a school that he was interested in.
Thanks, I guess it’s apparent that I have not done that research. As a matter of fact my daughter has decided not to even share her list other than with immediate family and and of course college counselors to avoid the pressure, competitiveness and opinions of others and I absolutely get her. My son had a friend stop speaking to him when he got into a school that they did not.
“As a matter of fact my daughter has decided not to even share her list other than with immediate family and and of course college counselors to avoid the pressure, competitiveness and opinions of others”
This is the course that was followed in my house as well. Many people’s opinions aren’t up to date or informed anyway.
I actually found this site when I was convinced S17 wasn’t getting into college with his 2.8-ish GPA. He ended up making a good list and went 9 for 9.
D21 is a more high stat kid, but at a different, much more competitive high school than her brother. After starting high school talking of Ivies, she’s now declared she doesn’t want 4 more years of stress and prefers bigger fish/little pond and wants to go wherever she gets the best deal. I’m on board! Lol. She’s doing some self prep this summer, with an SAT prep class at the local community college for the August SAT and we’ll see how it goes. This one puts a lot of pressure on herself, so my husband and I mainly just assure her to do her best, if that’s a C, then we’re good with it, as long as she’s trying.
We are not overly pressured. S20 is not a super high stats kid but his list is mostly safeties and matches. Some of the less competitive Cal States, UC Merced, University of Nevada Reno, Oregon State, Arizona State, Saint Mary’s College of CA. We have done no visits yet but will be seeing a number of the closer campuses over the summer. He is doing an SAT prep class at his high school in July and retaking the SAT in August.
For anyone interested Groupon has a coupon for a 4 hour assessment and 2-2hour test prep tutoring sessions for $99. A friend sent it to me and is very happy with the service that her DD has received. While I know that they are using that promotion to get you in the door and get you to purchase additional sessions I am very tempted to get the assessment for my daughter. We are already pretty happy with where she is but if there are additional tips that she can get for her future tests it would be helpful and for once she agrees with me 
.
I am sitting next to my daughter right now and asked her if she felt compelled by us to apply to Ivies. She looked at me like I had two heads.
We wanted her to attend a small LAC, but I guess she got what she wanted.
In terms of the college tours, only Princeton made us want to run far away. This was due to the intensity of the parents in our info session, not the students.
We didn’t use any test prep services but instead encouraged our daughter to take practice tests from various prep books, mainly to familiarize herself with the math and then relearn problems with which she struggled.
My perception of the CC forum is different, but then again, I have never even looked at a chance thread.
These threads are always popular but I hope it doesn’t turn into too much negativity about top schools like Ivies, which can indeed be a great experience if the fit is right (and the money is helpful!).
My kids were all over the place in terms of where they attended. We did not talk GPA or grades (I didn’t even look at them, I knew who was working, and it was often the one with lower grades I think), or do test prep, or talk much about college until late junior year, but actually one did end up at H unexpectedly. It was great. So was the community college another one went to.
“These threads are always popular but I hope it doesn’t turn into too much negativity about top schools like Ivies, which can indeed be a great experience if the fit is right (and the money is helpful!).”
@compmom - I hope it doesn’t turn into one of those threads either. If it does , that’s definitely not the intention. My son went to a top school and my daughter may end up at one (who knows) but in reading through the threads it just seemed to me that i was seeing a lot of stress, worry and pressure which I am hoping that parents are assisting their children with unloading some of the weight and assuring them that they are proud of them no matter where they end up.