Horace Mann High School vs Trinity High School vs Riverdale Country Day School

I was going to try and ignore some of these comments I’ve been reading but one thing I love about being in my late 40s, I don’t hesitate any longer, I say what’s on my mind.

@DeepBlue86 first of all what’s a “high end NY Private school”? They all charge tuitions upwards of 40k…I guess “high end private” is subjective.

Now let’s talk about how you’re talking down about my city and our private schools. I don’t know if you’re a NYer but I can tell you, your experience (assuming you have some and not just repeating hearsay) is very different than mine. I am a native NYer (born and raised in Lower East Side of Manhattan). You said, “living here is inherently abnormal relative to ANYWHERE else on the planet.” If you consider the largest melting pot of ethnicities and cultures abnormal, then yes we are abnormal and I’m proud of that! Is NYC perfect? Absolutely not but we must be doing something right when so many flock here daily for not only job opportunities but educational ones too.

As for our private schools being filled with “an alarming proportion of whose families are extraordinarily wealthy/influential.” Yes, there are tons of wealthy people here in NYC (I’m not one of them). Who else would be representing the majority at schools with tuitions over $40k year? But let me tell you one difference between a NYC private school and let’s say, a wealthy NYC public school or a wealthy NY suburban public (where my nieces and nephews attend). The difference is opportunity for all. You see, these (as you called them) NYC Gilded bubble schools, have huge scholarship funds. It is because of these scholarships that the schools bring in kids from “the 'hood” (where I was raised). It is the opportunity given by these “high end” private schools to many smart children whose families are economically disadvantaged. These schools (some do it better than others) have a real commitment to diversity They bring all types of socioeconomic groups, same sex families and all types of households into their mix.

You also said, “no high-end NY private school is set up to foster “normalcy in childhood.” I’d say our students serving lunch to the homeless once a week is forstering much more than normalcy. We have a commitment and a relationship with our local soup kitchen. We also have a huge charity network where the students not only take part in but come up with ways to help and give back. We have older students mentoring our younger students (big sister, big brother set up). Our school community is very service driven and I find the children love helping because they want to especially since there is no obligation to do so. I think we are doing a great job when it comes to fostering our future leaders. Instilling values, empathy, courage and love of being there for your fellow man.

You did say something I agree with. You said, “make friends with the surprising number of kids who are relatively normal and grounded in spite of their environment.” You know where they got that normalcy from? Their diverse neighborhoods and school communities. Acceptance and inclusion does not care about your economic status. I prefer schools that don’t hesitate to let someone in just because they don’t live in the right zip code.

I know NYC is not for everyone but many of these school communities have made it possible for many children to obtain an education that otherwise would not be attainable.

I’m all for everyone expressing their opinion. If one doesn’t like a particular school, can we please keep the comments about that one particular school? Blankets statements tend to be divisive.

Thank you @NYCMomof3 - if I could hit the “Like” button on your post a thousand more times, I would.

@NYCMomof3, your comments prompted me to re-read my my most recent post on this thread, and I stand by what I said.

I try to avoid providing identifying information in my posts, so I won’t be getting into a discussion with you about which of us has more direct experience/knowledge of high-end New York private schools (by which, since you ask, I mean the most prestigious, non-religious ones, where the wealthy and influential families tend to cluster).

If you read my post #6 further upthread, though, and some of my posts regarding New York private schools on other threads, you’ll have a fuller basis to judge whether or not I know what I’m talking about.

Never mind me, though - read the New York Times article I linked to in my prior post discussing the letter from the Trinity headmaster. I hope you’ll acknowledge that he’s got standing to express his point of view, which happens to overlap with mine.

By the way, I agree with you that New York can be a great place to grow up in and that high-end private schools provide a great many opportunities to students, a number of whom are, as you say, on scholarship. That world is a gilded bubble, though, and an outlier relative to anywhere else.

I agree with parts of both @DeepBlue86 and @NYCMomof3

To quote from the Trinity letter
“… for an increasing number of our older students, with increasing intensity, as they leave our Lower School, our students’ default understanding of the purpose of their schoolwork becomes to make good grades, gain admissions to a highly selective college, set themselves on a path of lifelong superior achievement. And this default setting – one of narrowly individualistic self-advancement – has been locked into place by a frenetic pace of life and expectations of perfection that devour the energy and time students need to reflect on the meaning of their schoolwork.”

I agree that there is often more socioeconomic diversity at a top NYC private than a suburban public, but no amount of volunteering in soup kitchens can counteract the truly breathtaking sense of entitlement and the opportunities given to a significant majority of the (full pay) students. By the time they are seniors their sense of school being a place of “narrowly individualistic self-advancement” is fully cemented by the competitive college process where they are in direct competition with each other. For some the doors to the handful of coveted colleges (or to the stepping stones such as internships for Senators etc) often magically open due to parental resources, for others they do not. While pockets of this exist in affluent communities nationwide the pervasiveness within the broad private school network in NYC is without compare. This is not just wealth - this is truly extraordinary wealth/influence. The expectations of achievement and pressure cooker aspect is very real. I know kids who are truly devastated that they will not be attending top 10 universities/LAC; they truly feel like they failed High School. To pretend that those who are at the lower end of the economic scale (like our family) have a HS school experience at the same level as the more well off is simply untrue.

I do wonder if the OP can fathom how these schools will be different than their current situation, but that is not the question posed as they seem bent on considering them. IMO there are cultural differences between these 3 that may or may not be apparent to someone from Texas visiting for a day. Trinity is understated quiet power and generally more conservative, HM is more openly competitive and ambitious. Being on a campus or hill school feels very very different than being within NYC.

@DeepBlue86 this discussion can go on but we will agree to disagree. I can only assume (because I don’t know if you have had children in a NYC private) that our experiences have been different. (I don’t have time to look for past threads) According to what you consider a high end school to be, I have been a part of that type of school community. My experience over last 16+ yrs has been a lot more good than bad. We are working class with scholarships and we’ve always felt welcomed and my children never once complained or compared their life to the lives of their classmates. Blanket statements just don’t sit well with me. With that said, I chose wisely and I am happy I had a choice. Not all schools are the same. I’m happy Trinity’s head of school wants them to go in a different direction but I do find the many of the NYC private schools are what Trinity wants to become.

Thank you so much. I appreciate everyone’s help.

My impression is that HM no longer offers APs or is phasing them out, as are many NYC independent schools.

Where did you get in and where are you going?