I would strongly agree that making broad generalizations about schools based on a few specific anecdotes can unfairly bias you and lead you to potentially make a desision based on something that’s just frankly not an accurate portrayal of the school and student population in general. With that said all three are excellent schools, and I think you’re in the area where it’s more about what subtle differences are more of a match for what you are looking for. I’m less familiar with Choate specifically, but our impressions of Hotchkiss and Deerfield are that they are very similar to each other at a high level (school size, rural setting, general feel) to the point that I would be hard pressed to find any significant differentiators. Hopefully you can (re-)visit each and see which one seems to feel like the best fit for you. None of those three would be a bad decision…