<p>^^agree with SportsMama. As a former teacher, I would want the principal there as a witness and mediator if a parent requested a meeting with a group of us. Group meetings would only be scheduled for a serious issue. The principal’s comment was out of line, but we don’t know the history here. There are parents who truly believe that intelligence exempts their children from having to behave decently in school; the kids are “bored” and “unchallenged” and “it’s the teacher’s/school’s fault.” These people are always trying to deflect the blame for egregious misbehavior and disrespect. I’m not saying that’s the case in this instance but it happens often enough to make staff and administrators “allergic” to the kind of meeting described.</p>
<p>I suspect that (1) the principal felt that you were calling a group meeting over a problem that many other parents would consider too minor to warrant one, (2) this type of action is typical of parents who have high academic aspirations for their children, and (3) such meetings are a time-consuming inconvenience for the school staff and are best reserved for much more serious situations only.</p>
<p>None of this excuses his comment, however. What he said was unprofessional – indeed, downright inept. This principal seems to lack some of the skills necessary to perform his job well. </p>
<p>In the future, it may be best to deal with other people at the school as much as possible.</p>
<p>As a parent you have every right to call a meeting to discuss a situation involving your child. I would not have had a problem with the principal attending the meeting, but his comment was inappropriate, not relevant and frankly way out of line.</p>
<p>“I called the meeting with the teacher and the guidance staff” - singular. She didn’t call all the teachers. </p>
<p>“My S was acting out in class - very unlike him - the english teacher called several times and I wanted to pin down EXACTLY what was going on in class” - so this was initiated by the teacher, not the OP. ‘Several times’. </p>
<p>“The older more experienced science teacher assured me and the very new english teacher that he was exhibiting normal 14yr old boy spring shinanigans!” Your new advocate! Sounds like the English teacher was feeling attacked and was circling the wagons - no doubt she/he got the principal all riled up.</p>
<p>“The gc walked me to my car - she was shocked as well” - a second person in your corner on this one. </p>
<p>The OP gave us plenty of background information. I see nothing adversarial nor do I sense entitlement, just another parent trying to solve a problem.</p>
<p>What, pray tell, is wrong with wanting your kid to go to Harvard or other fine school? Is this not something to aspire to, if your kid has got what it takes? Seems to me this principal is indicating that he thinks there’s something wrong with that ambition. Is the school’s focus on making college possible for every child – or is it a drone-hive behavior factory? </p>
<p>Anyway, a parent has every right to ‘call a meeting’ if he/she feels that it is a) more efficient, b) more effective, and c) easier than taking or making a series of phone calls/emails. Without that principal’s (ahem) assistance, the whole thing could have been done and dusted in 15 minutes. I called one when my kid was being bullied and had gotten the usual run-around – I expected to meet with 1 teacher; there were three and an associate principal…so little bit of an ambush there. I laid it on the line that I had expected more from the school and from the group (a highly intelligent bunch of youngsters). They agreed to take more positive action and lo, the bullying stopped. No hassle, no attitude, and no more days of phone tag and mixed messages. </p>
<p>I’m a believer in dealing with problems while they are small…before they turn into huge issues or turn people into adversaries. Your principal’s attitude <em>started</em> at adversarial which is no way to greet a parent who is trying to understand the what and why of her child’s changed behavior. </p>
<p>I would have given him a ‘mom-look’ and ignored him the rest of the meeting. Waiting a few beats after someone speaks and then picking up with a drawn-out ‘Anyway…’ works really well.</p>
<p>Our middle school encourages parents to schedule meetings with the cluster of teachers they have so that if a parent is worried the teachers can see if the problem is in just one class or across the board. I only scheduled one in six years and the principal had better things to do. This is in lieu of any kind of official conference day, so you don’t have to have a problem to schedule one.</p>
<p>^ Agree. The OP wanted a meeting with the teacher because she was concerned about her son’s behavior and wanted to work together with the teacher to solve the problem. I applaud the OP for this! It is our job as parents and teachers to teach positive behavior, and we are able to do this when we work cooperatively and consistently.
How do other parents feel about this principal? How do the teachers feel about him? You may be seeing just a small slice of a very dysfunctional system.
The good news is that you really can take steps to change this, if you work with other parents, and with your allies the science teacher and guidance counselor, who may not have the freedom to speak freely but who can give you “hints” about what is going on. You can start by going to as many meetings as possible (PTO or whatever governance system your school has for parental voices). If they are just dealing with non-issues, you can call your own meeting of parents to hold a discussion group and discuss “concerns”. If you can include parents who are in an educational field, all the better. Try to get a diverse group representing the parents. Start by discussing the strengths of the school, and then move on to areas where you would like to help improve things. Take notes so that two parents can then present the “findings” directly to the principal (you can use a formula: this is what we like, this is what we would like to see more of, this is what we would like to see less of, and end on a repeat summary of this is what we like.) Do NOT finger-point at any person, just tell him about processes. Then, meet with your school board representative and go over these “findings”. In both of these discussions, emphasize that you and the administration are all after the same goals, which include educational excellence, continual quality improvement, etc. etc. so that they can’t even argue about what you want.
I realize that I am suggesting a big time committment, but if it has to be done, somebody has to step up and do it! If this is you, the rewards will outweigh the time and angst involved in carrying it out.
Your other choice is to walk with your feet - and to let the powers to be know that this is your reason for this.
Good luck!</p>
<p>@Novelisto - That is EXACTLY the way I felt about the situation!! The teacher called several times to tell me about small incidents - like talking out in class, goofing off at an assembly - these seem like little non-actions but they are very out of character and I felt we needed to get face to face - with my son by the way - so we could make sure it wasn’t something more significant.<br>
I have NO IDEA what prompted the principal’s remarke except to say that my oldest made quite a stir when she was in that school several years ago when her principal requested -demanded- she skip a grade and then further be subject accellerated. We did not prompt this action - he found out her SAT score from when she participated in the CTY talent search when she was in 6th and he freaked out!! We live in a very small community so I’m sure it has been circulated who we are and what happened with our D.<br>
I have calmed down and I realize our S and younger D still have to finish their year(s) at this school and I shouldn’t make too much of his inappropriate remark. I’m going to let it go…but ooooooo no no I’m going to let it go…
Thanks everyone for letting me vent and for the support!!!</p>
<p>If the OP has a student at Harvard and another who school officials think is a candidate for Harvard, then the kids are outliers in their HS population. As a parent of kids who were / are atypical in their school, I know that outliers can wear thin on school personnel. They frequently need special accommodations so that they can do things such as joint enrollment or online coursework in order to ramp up the challenge of their schedule, or they want to be able to come and go for the various activities in which they’re engaged. If their college goals are beyond the norm for the school population, then the parents are frequently in the mode of advocating for atypical treatment, whether it’s course selection or accelerating the normal sequence of courses. And of course, those parents are far more involved and attentive to detail than those of more typical students. To advocate assertively but collegially for advanced students requires walking a very fine line. It sounds as if the OP may have a certain reputation among the faculty - could be deserved or undeserved - that caused the teacher in this case to believe that s/he might be under attack or scrutiny in the scheduled meeting. Regardless, the principal’s move was unprofessional and uncalled for; I would guess that as a rookie, the principal was showing off in front of the teachers to try to win their support.</p>
<p>Is this the same principal who “demanded” that your daughter skip a grade?</p>
<p>Recommended Response: “Oh, I see. And, if I may ask: Where you you earn your degree(s)?”</p>
<p>The only types of people who have a problem with Harvard, are those who were either rejected, or never had the credentials to warrant an application.</p>
<p>After this unprofessional jerk tells you where he matriculated, respond as:</p>
<p>“Oh, now I understand why even little Johnny annoys you so.”</p>
<p>Just sayin’.</p>
<p>Kandjad, I just re-read your original post and see that it is a new principal. I hope you get the situation resolved about what is causing your son to act out in class when it’s not his normal behavior (and it probably IS spring fever, coupled with moving on to high school from middle school). What does HE say about his behavior, when this is not typical for him?</p>
<p>As a taxpayer and parent (not necessarily in that order), I agree you have every right to call a meeting. If meeting about a child’s well-being/behavior is a waste of his time, then he is in the wrong business. I totally understand that teachers have to deal with “crazy” parents who think their kids can do now wrong, but that unfortunately is the nature of the beast when dealing with the public. Heck, just read some of these CC threads to see how things are taken out of context and people slam others just for stating their opinions/questions/whatever. Lots of different personalities to deal with. I think crester had the right idea. Ah, hindsight!</p>