How badly have I killed my essay?

<p>I originally wrote an 800 word essay for Questbridge, and I'm trying to cut it down for use as my Common App essay. I was wondering if anyone would be willing to look over my 500-word Common App essay and give me feedback? I can send the original one, too, for comparison.</p>

<p>Thank you so much!</p>

<p>Diana</p>