<p>Like Oldfort, I also like having D relatively close to home. With all the stuff that gets moved to college these days, a shorter difference makes a big difference in convenience for moving in/out, and for vacation time. One thing you might want to evaluate, OP, is whether you’re concerned about a different kind of college experience if you’re closer to home. While living in another part of the country may be exciting and an education in itself, there’s time to do that later, also; on a day-to-day basis, there’ could be little difference whether you’re an hour or a continent away.</p>
<p>My other siblings are scattered across the globe. I am the one that’s close by my parents and it is not by choice. I’ve had many opportunities to take positions over sea for bigger/better jobs , I never did because of my parents. My father has told me to go if I had to, but as they get older I just couldn’t see leaving them by themselves. My parents call me for everything - from computer problem to their marital problem sometimese</p>
<p>A friend noticed that those kids who went furthest from HI were the most likely to come back to HI to settle. Those who attended schools in CA or West Coast were more likely to find it very comfortable & settle there. Just another perspective to consider. </p>
<p>I really wanted the location & schooling to be our kids’ choice–we made our choice when it was our turn. I let our kids know that. My H is the one who chose to remain in HI with his folks while his sibs move to SF. He did consider fleetingly living elsewhere but really feels this is home and he is the one his parents looked to for everything. He/we have no regrets, even if there are more & bigger opportunities elsewhere.</p>
<p>It’s always a trade off but I wouldn’t want my kids to keep asking themselves or us “what if?” It seems now when they have no dependents or other responsibilities for them to chase their dreams and see where they lead.</p>
<p>My youngest is as a college with a thread titles “Pain in the b**t rating in getting there” or something similar…
It’s got one tiny airport with 3 flights scheduled per day. Fog in the winter can cause them to land somewhere else, or cancel entirely. It’s turned into a big deal at every vacation. Yes, she is learning to be self-reliant, but if time were turned backward, I might not be quite as gung-ho on this school.
We’re near a major airport, so she could get to any school in a major city pretty quickly. Podunk-ville, not so fast.</p>
<p>You should go to the college that you feel is best for you. I wouldn’t make distance be the determining factor.</p>
<p>That said, it is very convenient to attend college closer to home. My daughter goes to school nearby, but spends every summer at internships in cities thousands of miles from home, which has been a good way to experience different parts of the country. </p>
<p>I myself went to college far away from home but never saw any difference in the level of independence between students who attended college either close to or far from home.</p>
<p>Close to home and convenient to home are two very different places. A kid from Boston can go to Oxy and not suffer from bad connections. The kid from LA can go to BU with the same non-issue.</p>
<p>Interesting perspectives. It’s reassuring to hear the positive experiences re: kids attending school far away. </p>
<p>I guess my main concern would be if son gets homesick or lonely (what if has a bad exper w/a gf, say?) and just would like to relax at home? If he’s in Austin, it’s a 26 hr drive to our home in NJ, although a direct plane flight (on Southwest). If he’s in Tuscaloosa, AL, it’s a 17 hr drive, but requires 2 plane connections.</p>
<p>Then again, son is gone at this minute in Disney World w/class trip & hasn’t called once (except a text to say he’s having a blast).</p>
<p>Curious if most of the parents who say that their kids did well away had kids who were already pretty mature & self-reliant? For whatever reason (bad parenting!) I’ve ended up nagging son a lot (wake up! do your homework!). This hasn’t resulted in a ton of self-reliance…</p>
<p>
Nope.</p>
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No worries. Thats what cell phones are for.</p>
<p>We had no choice in distance as we live outside the states. My S chose schools that were on the same coast as family members and family friends because he felt he needed the option for help as we are so far away. He came home for winter break, went to see family on the same coast for Thanksgiving and spent spring break volunteering with habitat for humanity. Was it worrying the first time he became ill? yes for both he and me. The second illness I found out about after he was better. Is communication a problem? no. phones, skype, msn and google chat as well as sms keep us well connected. Does it afford him a different feeling of independence? I believe so. He is also near a major airport, which is certainly helpful.</p>
<p>My analytical head (and experience) have taught me: swallow your fears, self-doubts and doubts about your child’s ability so far to manage him/herself when away from you. Ask child where s/he most wants to be and let that answer trump your concerns, provided you have the funds to honor the child’s request to study at a distance.</p>
<p>If finances are a factor in the “mosquito-bite” category of annoyances/tradeoffs, then recognize that a location cross-country could add $l-$2K per year in travel costs, plus days of airport agony, but this might be offset by the financial aid/marit package awarded, washing away the cost of plane tickets. As well, as your child learns to negotiate air travel, this can be a job skillset advantage when apply8ing to some jobs or gradschools post-college, where business or study-travel is expected, akin to being “able to drive.”</p>
<p>Consider longterm hopes/dreams/career goals: If the distant place offers a unique program or indicates promise of a stronger career future, it might pay the family back later in a student better able to self-propel into a better job, grad school fellowships, etc.</p>
<p>If the economy is falling-apart horrendously in your region, encourage him to go elsewhere to try to reestablish some family strength in a more viable economic region of this country. There are some real differences (sez me, a “Rust Belt Mama” with kids now on both coasts). </p>
<p>Sure I miss them, but this is very much eclipsed by my joy in what they now do, and realization they couldn’t possibly have the same work available to them had they moved back here after college. I envy those who find their young adult kids moving around them, and wish I had them near to share a meal, fix my screens; let me babysit any future children. That’d be nice. But I wouldn’t like to see their careers stunted by the economic dilemmas of Upstate NY, just so I could enjoy my own concept of comfortable family distances.</p>
<p>My heart has taught me: THIS is the hour. It’s hard because you know they are leaving home, one way or the other. You have no real data or evidence about how they’ll be without your closer supervision, so you have to trust them and yourself more to believe they will do okay without you in closer range.</p>
<p>Personalities differ, too. Someone who is a lover of home, hearth and family shouldn’t be pressed to go cross-country because of a prestige acceptance, family legacy, or a willing aunt/uncle thousands of miles away who promises to help. It won’t matter; the child will feel like legs have been cut off.</p>
<p>But if the child is ready, willing, restless, brave, or longs to spread the wings now, let him go. Someday s/he’ll thank you for not holding him back because of your parental needs.</p>
<p>If it’s a toss-up, and you’ll be okay either way, no problem. But if the child really has a strong feeling, their feelings trump ours on this one, and it’s up to us parents to adapt. </p>
<p>All this said from somone who treasures family geographic closeness, but hasn’t been able to put it into place among my progeny. The country is rearranging itself now and many are displaced or dispersed geographically, by choice or circumstance. </p>
<p>Also, there is no predicting outcomes. A local state school choice could end up with your child meeting a wonderful international student and moving FAAAR away. This happened to my friend’s D, who went to a SUNY but met an Australian cattle rancher’s son with wanderlust; married him and moved impossibly far away from her. There’s no telling.
The odds are with you that a closer school will result in a closer post-college location, but there are no guarantees.</p>
<p>Much to consider. Thanks for a good question and good thread!</p>
<p>Thanks, drb…sadly, I envision myself nagging son long distance via cellphone. Probably not a good scenario, and one I should make sure doesn’t come true. </p>
<p>expatme–interesting, I’ve heard similar things from people who live (or lived) outside the US. My friend moved from a middle eastern country, all alone at 18, to go to college in the US. When I ask if she’s nervous about her son possibly going far away…she’s got the personal perspective to say “no, not at all, I did it!”</p>
<p>paying3tuitions–beautiful post. It says a lot about what I’ve been thinking. Though I’ve vented my concerns (& recently started worrying that I hadn’t given the down-side of distance enough weight in the inital college app process) I ultimately feel (& have always felt, deep down) that having son follow his dreams is the most important thing. Wherever they may lead. </p>
<p>Thanks for sharing!</p>
<p>Interesting thread; as my oldest is a Junior and still in process, it will be interesting to see how things play out. As it stands now, this is the thinking in my house:
- DH gets awfully twitchy thinking about DD being a flight away as opposed to a drive away; he says he wants to know that he can get to her in a few hours if he has to. I’m working on that
- Since we live 1/2 hour from a major metro airport, I am supportive of anyplace that has a direct Southwest flight, or is within a 7-8 hour drive. It is something I’ve talked about with DD. A number of the school’s on her list are 2 1/2-3 hours away which means that she could easily come home 2-3 times/semester. Otherwise, depending on how break’s fall, she might only be able to get home in between semesters. And only she can answer the question of how she would feel about having Thanksgiving and Easter in the school cafeteria.
- I’m not so worried about keeping in touch. Between cell phones, texting, email and Facebook…we’ll it won’t be like in my day, when you had to call a hall phone in a dorm and try and catch someone.
- We have close friends & family in a few different areas of the country; it has given all of us peace of mind when I mention that Aunt Sue or Mrs. Jones lives close to a particular school. At least that way, even if they’re not close to home, they have an escape if they need a home cooked meal or see a kind face (or need to get away from a roomie.)</p>
<p>RobD-now that we are done to the wire w/college selections, I’m surprised how much having a relative/friend near the school means to me. Son was accepted at VA Tech, which is at least 8 hrs from our house. But, to me it is much more a comfortable distance than the 17 hrs to AL or 26 to TX because 1) it could be driven in one day, if need be and 2) like you, we have family (by marriage) only minutes from the campus.</p>
<p>The idea of having adults who care within a short distance is so incredibly comforting, when contemplating son going away. Although, there’d be a 95 % chance he never contact them. And, he doesn’t want to go to that school, anymore, anyway! But–I get what you mean about the ‘in loco parentis’ type thing!!!</p>
<p>Proximity to airport and decent connections is really nice, and does help make things less expensive. </p>
<p>Initially, I was concerned about my kids as I have frequently had to drag them out of bed in the morning, but they knew they were on their own once they moved out & have stepped up nicely. D has always been VERY messy but lo & behold, she’s the cleanest person in their suite <shudder>, She will have hopefully neater suitemates next year (her HS buddies).</shudder></p>
<p>We all managed our health issues when we were far from home & to my knowledge, none of us told our folks until we were all better, long, long after we were 100%. Our kids are able to call us if they have health issues, but so far none have been major & if they are, it’s nice to have nearby good friends whom we & the kids know we can trust 100% to help them get whatever they need. S spent thanksgiving with them the 1st 2 years he was away; this year he went camping & rockclimbing with buddies instead.</p>
<p>Soph S1 is 2800+ miles away from home. Re health issues: The only time S1 has used his off-campus health insurance was when he slipped on the ice in February and then re-injured his elbow the next day playing basketball. Campus health services strongly recommended an off-campus x-ray. Funny thing is…H&I (and younger brother) were actually visiting him in AZ, but sight-seeing away from campus for the day. He managed to arrange for the x-ray and find a ride there and back (no car on campus for him), AND used the correct health insurance card…all without our input (but I did offer to cut his meat that night when we took him out to dinner).</p>
<p>The distance has not been an issue for our family. I figure he had to grow up and move out eventually. He was free to choose whatever school felt right to him.</p>
<p>Jolynne - Are you near the NYC airports. S is in Houston and has no trouble getting flights. I would think that Austin is similar. If Southwest is flying to the NY airports, it’s great. You can change flights without a penalty and the rates are pretty good. We use Jet Blue between Kennedy and Houston - it’s pretty convenient. </p>
<p>We had two times when we felt the need to be near S. Both times, we were there the next day. On the other hand, he’s weathered colds and stomach viruses without us and has done just fine. He’s becoming more self-sufficient.</p>
<p>One factor: Can you afford the flights back and forth? How often will he be able to come home? Can you go visit? </p>
<p>We figured out that, between breaks and a couple of visits from us, we see him every 6-8 weeks. We like to visit Houston during the school year - it’s WARM!</p>
<p>I thought of one other factor: shipping items back and forth. Most of the airlines only allow one suitcase per person right now. </p>
<p>If you’re in a big city, just buy the dorm stuff when you arrive. Bed, Bath, and Beyond lets you order locally and pick it up in the college town. It was really helpful freshman year. </p>
<p>Does the school let you store things over the summer? This will help if you’re a long distance. If not, you can look into self-storage units. </p>
<p>I found that having a child in school far away is different with regards to move-in and move-out. You become familiar with a new city, which is really fun. There’s no “load up the car” and drive to school. You become more efficient at balancing shipping, airline luggage requirements, and storing items.</p>
<p>One other factor to remember is that the distance that seems so daunting for your Freshman will be come less of a factor as they turn into Upperclassmen. As they grow and mature, and hopefully fall in love with their college experience, the distance will “shrink”.</p>
<p>Great insights. </p>
<p>BaystateNutmeg–Southwest flies direct to Austin from Philadelphia, which is great because it’s 20 mins from our house (South Jersey). Tusculoosa (U of AL) pretty much necessitates 2 flights. But, tuition is thousands cheaper, so the cost of flights is not significant, for the AL school. I’ll hopefully be working (2nd salary, after years w/out) so the cost of flights would ideally be somewhat manageable.</p>
<p>Has anyone considered ‘long road trip’ for the initial move-in to a far-away school that would ordinarily be flown to? That could be impractical, I guess, but I had a hard time envisioning how to get all the stuff there. I imagine most people ship it?</p>
<p>When my son moved in last year, we flew cross country. He packed a large duffel bag and about 1-1/2 large suitcases (I packed my three-days worth of clothes in the other 1/2 suitcase). On my return flight I brought back the two large suitcases as there was no place to store them in his dorm. We did not try to transport any “stuff” that could be purchased locally; really all he brought was clothing and juggling equipment.</p>
<p>His roommate freshman year did drive from VA to AZ, just to have a car on campus (and I imagine also to bring a TV), but I also know that his parents (one of whom flew to the school for move-in) purchased most of what he needed locally.</p>
<p>Search for numerous previous threads regarding how to purchase dorm supplies when coming from out-of-town.</p>