How can I convince my parents at I am not special?

College Search & Selection
1

With the January 1st deadline looming, I am finishing up my applications to be sent off (Vanderbilt, UNC Chapel Hill, and Brandeis). UNC is the only school requiring a supplemental essay, which I am about halfway done with. Also, I’m going on a camping trip from the 26th to the 30th, so I need to buckle down and finish the apps, but it’s definitely possible.

My parents desperately want me to apply to Stanford, but I really don’t. Personally, I feel that my chance of getting in is so tiny that the application fee combined with the sheer amount of time that it takes to apply makes it not worth it. Also, the essays are going to take at least 15 hours, probably about 10 more than that because I’m a slow writer.

I have a 34 ACT and my GPA will drop to 3.8/4.3 after this semester (weighted is low, does not reflect strength of schedule), and my grades have been much lower than my norm both this semester and the one prior. I have three solid business related ECs, a couple clubs and a sport (not even played varsity level). Perhaps more importantly, I’m white and middle class. Both of my parents graduated college. My stats are good, but I am so generic compared with all Stanford applicants.

My parents see me as special. Compared with my friends and teammates along the years, I have been. But what they really don’t understand is how even I am with everyone applying to Stanford. Sure, I’m special. And I think I’m smart, hardworking, and have a lot to look forward to in life. But there’s no way that Stanford is a viable option. I’m not that special.
Another reason why I don’t want to apply is that I’ve been deferred from UMich and Boston College. I have been accepted into Temple and Northeastern, both of which came with hefty scholarships and excite me greatly, but the fact that I didn’t get into two colleges with acceptance rates 6x greater than Stanford’s is telling.

Mainly, I’ve used the arguments of time, money, and no chance. They think that I’m being lazy for not wanting to put 20 hours into all of the essays. Honestly, yes, I have been spending a lot of time with friends. That said, 20 hours is hefty no matter what. They also insist that the $80+ application fee is no problem, but I know that it is because we are struggling for money more than normal right now. And I’ve already gone over the fact that they think I have a chance when I know that I don’t.

So help me, CC. What do I do in this situation? Do I cave in and apply? Do I persuade harder? Any input is appreciated.
*side note: Here is a more detailed explanation of my stats and such that I posted on the UMich results thread in college confidential:

Applied (ED,EA,RD): EA

Objective:
SAT I (breakdown): 650/690/760/8
ACT (breakdown): 34 (34 E/35 M/32 R/33 S/8)
SAT II: 770 Math II, 590 USH, 560 Lit (only submitted Math II lol)
GPA (out of 4.0): 3.91/4.37 (maxed out my schedule in difficulty, a lot of extra community college classes weren’t weighted)
Rank: 15/101 (super small, super competitive middle college high school)
AP: Haven’t taken any APs; school offers classes at community college up to 11 units, so I’ll have over 70 units done when I graduate high school.
Senior Year Course Load: Honors US Gov 1st semester, Honors Economics 2nd semester, Honors English 12 (College: 1st semester- a couple business classes and stats; Winter- 3 Gen Ed classes; Spring- Calc III, another business class, Gen Ed English class)
Major Awards (USAMO, Intel etc.): I got Principal’s Honor Roll but that’s like 3/4 the school; I was commended for National Merit but I don’t even know if they knew that.

Extracurriculars:
ASB (Treasurer), Virtual Enterprise- a virtual business simulation class (CEO since Junior year), NHS member, played baseball since I was 5, President of the first chapter of FBLA at my school, getting an Associate’s Degree in Mathematics and a Certificate of Specialization in Finance when I graduate high school, Sports Club (founder, President, later disbanded)
Job/Work Experience: none
Volunteer/Community service: School National Honors Society got me about 100 hours cumulatively
Summer Activities: boatload of classes at the community college Essays (rating 1-10, details): Honestly I have no idea, I’ll guess 7.5/10; it’s good not great, pretty well written IMO; I wrote about how my transition from childhood to adulthood happened when I moved; supplemental was very generic and probably a big reason why I was deferred

Teacher Rec #1: 8-Sophomore English teacher, probably well written
Teacher Rec #2: 9-Business professor from over summer who wrote a very professional letter; not super unique but a cool perspective to get
Counselor Rec: 8-I actually know who she is and she’s good at her job
Additional Rec:

Other
Applied for Financial Aid?: Ohhhhh yeahhhhh
Intended Major: Economics, potentially dual with Business Administration
State: CA
School Type: Small charter middle college high school school, technically public; located on the community college campus, which is where the campus is located
Ethnicity: 100% White
Gender: Male
Income Bracket: 70kish
Hooks (URM, first generation college, etc.): Middle college high school is kinda but not really; didn’t seem to work as a hook for students in the past

Reflection: I thought I would get in so I’m just kinda annoyed that I got deferred. I’d rather go to Northeastern so I’m fine.
Strengths: ACT, business-related ECs, LORs, essay kinda, strength of schedule
Weaknesses: No working, little volunteering, white middle class male
Why you think you were accepted/deferred/rejected: I don’t think that my supplemental was very good
Where else were you accepted/deferred/rejected: Accepted to Temple and Northeastern (both with hefty scholarships), deferred from BC

2

I wouldn’t say that you have no chance. No chance is not applying. But yeah your chances are extremely slim, like everyone’s are. And my parents are the same way lol. They’re all like “I’m sure you’re going to get into an Ivy!” when I know I’m not. Also got deferred from Michigan lol.

If you see it as a waste of time and money, don’t do it. If you truly don’t think you have a shot at all, I don’t see how you would write good essays anyway.

3

This thread seems so familiar. If you got in would you prefer it over the schools you’ve been accepted to so far? How about the others you applied to? No reason to include SATS right? The ACTs are very strong and you usually don’t need the SAT2s if you send the ACTs. Maybe Stanford wants all the scores. Can’t recall. I don’t know if you are special but if you prefer Stanford over those you are applying to I’d apply. It isn’t 20 hours. You will be on a roll anyway so another application isn’t going to cost you 20 hours. Be a nice offspring to your parents. They deserve it.

4

Consider it a Christmas present to your parents. Put in the hours. Send the application. Move on. Maybe you get in. Maybe you don’t. But whether the result is a yes or a no, no one will ever wonder about it again.

The admissions office at BC is distinct from every other admissions office in the country. Do not take a deferment from BC to mean that you won’t get in at X, Y, or Z.

5

@midcollegehskid This is any easy one! Follow these steps:

  1. log out of CC so your parents don’t know you are asking advice to random people on the internet
  2. look up the Stanford regular decision or EA threads and make them read it.

Pow- reality will set in!!!

CC is the most sobering website for anyone who thinks they are a rock star. Excellent reality check. Don’t waste your time on a school you are not interested in and go out and enjoy your senior year!

6

You’re a good enough to kid to have a good sense of yourself. Be straight with your parents. “I do not feel I have an acceptable chance at Stanford and I do not want to waste my time applying to a school I have little interest in attending.” It might sting them, but sometimes parents need their kids to be straightforward about things, otherwise they won’t know how big the matter is to their children.

7

Are you reluctant to apply because you truly do not want to go to Stamford - you just don’t feel it’s a good place for you - or, because out has such a miniscule acceptance rate? What if you were accepted? Would you attend?

If you’re hesitating because of the low chance of acceptance and the deferrals, but secretly you like the school (not just the name), then put in the work and apply. Sure you’ll likely be rejected but it’s best to have absolutely no expectation for acceptance at these single digit schools.

Michigan is very selective for OOS applicants, so a deferral is actually okay. If your grades took a slight dip, that may explain the deferral. The schools may want to see first semester grades.

If you think “I don’t have the chops to keep up with the Stanford students” or you just want a more relaxed but still challenging environment, then don’t apply to Stanford. Tell your parents your thoughts and stand firm. It’s your life. You get to choose where you want to spend your college years (I’m assuming finances are not an issue for your school list).

8

Kudos to you for being realistic. That bodes well for your future wherever you choose to go. The real question is: Are you even INTERESTED in Stanford? Yes, your chances are very slim (as are everyone’s, but there are certainly a lot of stronger candidates out there), but you may not be completely out of the running either. But do you even WANT to go there? If it were truly YOUR dream school, I’d say go for it. But if it’s not, it’s going to show in your essays, which isn’t going to increase your odds any.

OTOH, if you can bang out a reasonably serviceable application without devoting 20 hours (wow that’s a lot) just to throw your parents a bone, AND would seriously consider attending if you got in, eh, why not? But WOULD you attend if admitted? If not, it’s just trophy hunting, and that isn’t fair to all the other applicants out there, and you should tell your parents that. And maybe ask them WHY they’re on about Stanford as opposed to any other school.

We have a similar situation here with a relative who’s pushing a seemingly random “top school” my kid has no interest in, and it’s frustrating, because we’ve put a LOT of thought into the search, and there are enough reaches already without adding in one with vanishingly small odds that my kid isn’t even interested in. (In large measure because he doesn’t want a hyper-competitive environment.)

Good luck…

9

p.s. You’ll never convince your parents that you’re not special, but you might be able to persuade them you don’t want to apply to Stanford. :wink:

10

If you don’t want to ATTEND Stanford, then I would go with that angle in speaking with your parents. Don’t talk about APPLYING…parents may just think you are lazy and are giving up. If you have acceptances to colleges you want to attend, that your parents have agreed they are willing to pay for, then I don’t see the need to continue.

Also, you can play the “homesick” card. “Mom and Dad, I’ve thought about it a lot, and don’t want to go to school all the way across the country.” (If that applies to your geographic situation.) Hard to argue with geography. If that isn’t applicable to Stanford, then find another “real” reason you don’t want to attend Stanford.

Your parents are not going to change their minds just because you think you can’t get in. Step back, rethink your strategy, and use some other reasoning to try to get Stanford off their radar.

Let’s switch the focus for a second…where do you WANT to attend college? Do you know yet? List where you have applied to so far, and what results are.

What state do you live in, and what is your intended major? How much can your parents afford to pay each year for you to attend college?

11

What schools are the best fit for you if you were accepted?

12

@powercropper OP lives in California.

13

Smart kid! I am trying to convince my D NOT to apply to an Ivy school, because I think she has virtually no chance. My husband thinks she should go for it, even though she will spend many many hours writing the supplements. Tell them straight “I have not interes in Stanford.” If they insist, write up half a$$ed essays and submit. Do not wast 20 hours of your time and energy on a school you,have no interest in.

14

Back when DS was looking at colleges I dragged him to Stanford for to see the campus and attend the standard admissions meeting for prospective students and their parents. Later, as we were strolling around, I asked him if he was going to apply. He said “No…I would never get accepted here”. He was probably right…and we did not push him from there on.

15

Not being academically super gifted does not make you any less special. Do not confuse the two. But I agree with other posters; kudos for being realistic. Not going to Stanford will not make you any less special or successful in life. In fact, you show great maturity and courage, which tells me you are off to a winning start already.

That being said, you lose nothing by applying to a couple of mega-selective universities. You never know! :wink:

16

Aloha, @midcollegehskid

Are you sure you don’t want to apply to Stanford? You lay out your reasons for not wanting to, but then share your stats similar to a “chance me” thread. This leaves me a little confused.

But let’s assume you really don’t want to apply. I took the liberty of checking out your other threads. It sounds like you want to go into finance/business. Time to practice your killer negotiation skills! Figure out what makes Stanford so attractive to your parents, then find the counter argument. Some possibilities, based on what I’ve read:

Money. I saw you are applying for FA at other schools and Stanford is extremely generous. You already have a financial safety in Temple so push why you love that choice, and that you 100% grasp acceptance to a college and your family’s ability to pay for it are two separate things.

Location. You are in CA, and I didn’t see you mention any other CA colleges you are applying to. We miss you little farts when you’re far away! Find a different CA college to replace Stanford so they can hold out hope their baby boy will only be a car ride away.

They believe in you, which is awesome, but as you seem to grasp, not always helpful. Google articles about helicopter parents and/or the pressure cooker experience at selective schools, you will find plenty. Casually leave the page open on the family laptop or bring up a salient point from the research at the dinner table a’la Ralphie from The Christmas Story.

As an aside, my sister-in-law is a hairdresser at a swanky salon in Palo Alto and one of the deans at Stanford is her client. This dean intimated everyone who applies has amazing grades/test scores/activities. What really sets an applicant apart? The Hero Story. No pressure. You are 17. You are an amazing student. You are deeply involved in a myriad of activities. You are also a hero. You should go to Stanford.

Or, instead of being a hero, you prefer to go camping, and that’s a great choice too. Good luck with your parents. They love you.

17

Thanks for all of your help, this got a lot more interest than I expected. Based on your comments and rethinking my scenario, I’ve decided to apply. I was really going in with the wrong attitude, as I do want to go to Stanford. If I don’t get in, whatever. If I do, that’s phenomenal, and I would undoubtedly go there. I just need to be rational without being a pessimist. Thanks again!

Also, just reread the title. *that smh

18

Glad to hear you were helped by all these comments. Didn’t care about which way you decided, but am really glad you took time to process your emotions and figure out what YOU wanted.

Please come back and update us next May and let us know where you end up attending.