I am 19 years old and I don’t have my own car. Because I don’t have my own car, I have to rely on my parents to drive me everywhere and some people look at me like I’m lazy and not independent because I don’t have my own car and it makes me really upset. I don’t want people to look at me like I have to rely on my parents to drive me and by getting my own car. My parents won’t let me drive their car on my own because they need it all the time and we only have one car. Everyone in my neighborhood my age and younger has their own car except for me and it is honestly embarrassing for me because I need to drive myself places and not have to rely on my parents to drive me. I got my driver’s licence almost a year ago and I still don’t have my own car. People in my neighborhood that got their license got their car right away and some are younger than me. I am sick of tired of people perceiving me as a person who has to rely on my parents to drive me everywhere. I need one to drive myself places and not have to rely on my parents to drive me to school and work. Everyone my age in my neighborhood at my age is driving themsleves to school and work and I have to have my parents drive me there which is embarrassing at my age. Why won’t my parents get me a car if they know that I suposse to have one at my age so I can be idepenedent and responsible? Whenever I have to walk places or have to take the bus becasue I don’t have a car, some people give me and my parents dirty looks because they know that I need a car at my age becasue I need to be independent and responsible and people don’t think that way about me because I don’t have a car. Are my parents wrong for not letting me get a car at my age?
Do they have the money for it?
They do but they don’t want me to have a car right now and I’m not sure why.
Feel free to get a job and buy one.
If you don’t know why they won’t give you a car, ask them. We surely do not know why.
You are free, however, to get a job, save up, and buy yourself your own car. You might need to rely on them for transportation to and from your job for a while.
If you’re 19, do you go to college? Are you in school?
Additionally, you cannot blame your parents for not getting you a car. They don’t have to get you a car and comparing yourself to other kids in the neighborhood will not want them to get you a car any sooner. You are their child, not the child of any other parents in the neighborhood.
We did not automatically buy cars for our kids when they got their licenses. They all worked and earned money to help pay for the expenses of owning a car. We told them we would double the money they saved towards the purchase of a car and would split insurance costs. They covered gas unless they were running errands for us. I have a hard time believing that people give you and your parents dirty looks because they know you need a car to be “independent and responsible”. More likely they are looking at you feeling sorry that your parents have to deal with a kid who is too irresponsible to go out and get a job and then whines about it. You don’t " deserve" a car just because you got your license. Get a job even if you have to ride a bike to work and show your parents that you are are becoming more responsible.
You may not want it, but it appears that people who do this are 100% correct in their assumption.
Vehicle ownership is a privilege and responsibility. Not to mention expensive.
Your parents may be doing you a favor in trying to get you to understand these things.
I don’t think people are looking at you or thinking those things at all. I think you are imagining what you want to see and hear.
You said that your parents only have one car and they have to use it all of the time, so, you can’t use it. Hmm sounds like they don’t have the money to buy another car.
I don’t believe that you are 19. You don’t sound like you are 19.
I’ve been through 3 kids at 19, and they didn’t give a rat’s a$$ what people thought of them. Why don’t I believe you? Because most 19 year olds, and that includes my children, have/had the following issues:
- They were/ are all at colleges that didn't allow freshman to have cars. I suspect you are not going to college because most college freshman WANT their parents to drop them off at their schools (my neighbors do). Then they don't have to deal with the parking issues when mom and dad drop them off. The universities, that my kids attended/attend, provided shuttles to all areas of town, which a large majority of the kids used or use. Ten friends can ride the shuttle together.
- They rode bikes everywhere because it was a quick and efficient way to get to their buildings.
- Cars COST real money. You cannot be 19 if you haven't realized the cost of buying and maintaining a car. There's this little thing called "insurance". There's gas to pay for and tune ups, oil changes, alignments and tire rotations. There's the fender benders caused by people who hit parked cars, that we have to take time off of work to get fixed. The older the car, the more maintenance. My son's hand-me down car is 16 years old. It needs struts and new tires. How much do you think that will cost in his tips and wages?
- You've said nothing about how you will be paying for the car. Children who are responsible adults work either at part time jobs or helping out with major chores around the house or both. No money, no work =no car.
- You have a lot of serious issues, at 19, to be assuming that the world views you negatively for lacking a car. Your complete identity seems to be tied to driving a car; that is sad.
Insurance for newbie is very expensive. I started both of my kids on clunkers, one had nearly 200k miles or more, my sister gave it to kid#1 when she was buying a new car. Kid#2 started on a 185k miles car, still going good.
The cost of these cars are less than a $1000 , maybe $500, but if I remove them out of my insurance, the cost to let them drive on my car skyrocketed, sometimes it costs me more money to remove the clunky cars.
They need to have clean driving records for 3 years before it becomes cheaper. Both of my kids are excellent drivers. I think part of the reason is that they didn’t want me to drive them everywhere, they need to add 15 more minutes extra because I’m a slow driver.
Tough skittles. I was 20 when I got my first car due to financial reasons. The best way to convince your parents to let you get a car is to prove you are responsible and mature enough to care for it. Sorry, but you whining about how lucky your friends are and how you look “uncool” for not having a car or using the bus doesn’t give me the impression you are mature. You also need to have some kind of use for it to justify it from a financial point of view. What “places” do you need to go so badly? School? A job? You need to be able to afford gas, maintenance, and other payments. Are you able to do this?
Are your parents not letting you get your own car? Or are your parents not giving you a car? Because there’s a world of difference between the two.
If you have the money to buy a car and pay for insurance, gas, and maintenance and your parents are not letting you purchase the car, then ask them why they won’t let you buy and take responsibility for your own vehicle.
But I suspect that what you really mean is “why won’t my parents give me a car and pay for all of the expenses that come with a car.” In that case, I would say get a job, work hard, and save up your money to buy your own car (and pay for the insurance/gas/upkeep). A car is a privilege, not a right. Your parents don’t owe you a car just because you have your license, and they don’t owe you a car just because other kids in your neighborhood have a car. Stop worrying about what other people think of you. I promise you, peopley don’t care or think about you nearly as much as you think they do.
Just because your parents can get a car (and you have no concrete idea if they really can get a car or not, I suspect) doesn’t mean they should or that they have to or that they should be convinced to. The fact that your family (which I’m assuming is just the three of you?) share one car and they haven’t already gotten another one suggests that they aren’t interested in or can’t afford to or would rather not get another car. And that’s their decision to make. Not yours.
Being given a car would not make you less lazy and more independent. Saving up and buying and maintaining your own car would. Stop complaining about why mom and dad won’t give you a car. Forget about the other kids in the neighborhood. Be hard-working, independent, and responsible, and get yourself a car, if you want one so much. Make sure you also have the money for insurance (which is very expensive! Especially for a new driver), gas (which is also expensive! And really adds up if you drive often), and maintenance (which can also be expensive! Especially if you get an old car that needs a lot of care and repairs).
I was in a similar situation but never once did I complain about it. I biked when I could, I walked in rare occasions, and when the car was available I would use it. If I really needed it, I would give them plenty of warning, and if possible/allowed by them, I would drive them into work in the morning and pick them up in the afternoon. It’s their car, and unless you can save up to buy your own then there’s no reason for you to be frustrated with anyone but yourself.
I would guess that part of not giving you the car may be to encourage you to buy one yourself. If they don’t allow you to buy one yourself then something else is going on. As others said, ask them first in a polite and non-accusatory manner. Start a conversation.
Then buy a car. You’re talking about how you don’t want to come across as being dependent on your parents, but expecting your parents to buy you a car shows just how dependent on them you are.
Cars are expensive. One must pay for insurance, gas, maintenance, and repairs. I’m 28, going into my junior year, and I don’t have a car. By choice. I don’t want to deal with the expense right now, and I’m more than happy to use public transportation and carpool.
“Whenever I have to walk places or have to take the bus becasue I don’t have a car, some people give me and my parents dirty looks because they know that I need a car at my age becasue I need to be independent and responsible and people don’t think that way about me because I don’t have a car.”
I can basically guarantee you that these dirty looks exist entirely in your own head.
ETA - first world problems
I got my Driver’s License at age 23 after finishing Graduate School and my first car a year later, at age 24. I lived in New York City with an excellent Bus/Train System and Commuted to College via the Bus/Train for 4-years like a lot of Commuting College students in NYC. For a year I made use of a Van Pool to commute to work in New Jersey. Never did I think I needed a car or must have one. Frankly, a car was a hassle in the City with parking and other issues.
I use to drop my daughter at the local Community College that she was doing her Dual Enrollment while in High School, there was a Public Bus that transport a lot of students to the campus. My guess is at least 50% of the students use the Public Bus System to get to and the Community College because they or their parents could not afford a car. You are 19 years old, work, save and buy your own car. Just remember, the upkeep on a used car is very expensive, not to mention gas and insurance.
You mentioned in another thread that you have anxiety attacks when you drive on busy streets. Could that be the reason your parents are reluctant to let you have your own car? You also said that you have had a job since you were 14. Did you save any of those funds to use as a partial or full payment for a car?
If you’re 19 you don’t need your parents permission. Take YOUR money and just go purchase a your own car.
Here’s the problem, from the OP:
“Why won’t my parents get me a car if they know that I suposse to have one at my age so I can be idepenedent and responsible?”
If you want to be independent and responsible, then get yourself a car.
You want THEM to BUY you a car, so you can be independent??? Can’t you see how huge that contradiction is???
I think the number one reason that parents give teenagers a car is for their (the parents) own convenience. My oldest got her grandmother’s hand-me-down car, and it is wonderful to have her drive herself to school, activities, job, etc. We pay insurance and repairs. If your parents do not mind/are not too busy to drive you around, you don’t have much of a case for them to pay for a car.
Why don’t you just get an Uber or Lyft account so you can arrange for your own rides?