<p>Wow–paying3tuitions–that is really well thought out!</p>
<p>paying3tuitions: I really appreciate you taking the time to come up with all that. Let me consider the suggestions that you have made.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Speak to my dad.
My dad and my mum actually work together - it is a company that my mum set up, which my dad joined at later date. It thus follows that my mum is the one guarding the funds here, I have to say that my dad is the less capable financially. Strangely enough, she holds his opinion in high regard. The problem with this is that my dad is also reluctant to let me go, but he likes to assert his cynicism that all daughters marry out of the family anyway, so I’ll have to leave the family sooner or later. Quite a depressing way of coming to terms with things, huh?</p></li>
<li><p>Yes, I do intend to leave Singapore and possibly live in the US. I might be taken with my sister’s way of life (considering that she is one of society’s rejects [couldn’t get into university], she has carved a very successful career for herself and enjoys life.) I might be bored here, I might be tired of having my every whim and fancy pandered to, I might just be naive about my prospects there. In fact, I might even blame my parents for my current situation, who have never taught me to see money as an obstacle to what I want to achieve, and hence I didn’t come up with any backup plans. My bad, or theirs? The fact that they are now using as a money to rein me in is something that has unsettled me greatly. Ah, I guess it’s something I’ll have to learn sooner or later.</p></li>
<li><p>My parents hate NYC. They do not understand why my sister wants to continue living there, and hates visiting. It’s dirty, grimy and there is too much going on. They think my sister and her family could have a lush life back here, with a live-in maid, a landed property, and a car. My mother does not understand why anyone in their right mind would want to live in a cramped apartment that is assaulted by noise pollution, a nanny that charges exorbitant prices, and have no vehicle at all. I doubt they’d want to visit, and besides - wouldn’t it be cheaper for one person (me) to return than my family to come? Whenever they visit, all they do is hang around Chinatown and go to Costco in New Jersey. I might be exaggerating but you get the gist; they are rather closed-minded and not entirely open to new experiences. Gosh, you know, my parents visited Vancouver and San Franciso earlier this year and all they brought back was boxes of 60-pack trail mix bars.</p></li>
<li><p>Which goes on to my next point: that despite all the helpful advice everyone here on the board has given, it is going to be very hard to go into a emotionally exposing talk to either of my parents. They are typical conservative Chinese parents - they criticise without abandon but praise and affection is expected to be transmitted telepathically. Your suggestion that I assure her of my constant and everlasting affection for her is something whose meaning will be lost via Singlish (Singaporean English) and also much too cheesy for my non-too close knit family. Yes, we spend time together, we update each other on our lives, but we don’t discuss worldviews or personal principles. It’s just not something we do. The best I can do is show my mother this thread and see what she thinks. Then again, her command of the English language is functional at best and she is rather averse to technology. Yes - both technologically handicapped but I have two tech-savvy brothers, Skype should not be a problem.</p></li>
<li><p>That having been said, I’m tempted to take out a loan and put my sister as a cosigner. (Did I mention that my sister is willing to pay two years of tuition? Tuition alone, though, and nothing else.) I haven’t came up with the figures but I think I will be in debt for life - a very extreme departure from my current lavish lifestyle.</p></li>
<li><p>I’ve been to an accountancy interview at SMU, and I spoke to the very maternal professor about my NYU dilemma. My mum’s new take on going abroad is this: I study here for a year or two, then transfer out. What the professor said was that if I have no interest in accountancy, the year or two that I remain here will be miserable, because it’ll be all math and I won’t get the chance to fall in love with accountancy’s nuances when I study it at a higher level. Furthermore, I might not be able to transfer credits since I’ll be doing something quite different in NYU (Economics). Hah, I think she likes me though - she’ll probably offer me a place in SMU Accountancy which will worsen my problem.</p></li>
<li><p>I am quite certain that if I somehow wrangle my way into NYU, I will work my very hardest to obtain funding through various avenues such as merit-based scholarships, residant assistantships or part-time jobs. When I want something, I will be very single-minded in achieving it. While I could strive to maintain a 4.0 GPA for my first two years in accountancy locally in order to up my transfer chances, I think I will be utterly miserable studying the subject. I am confident that if I put my mind to it, I could suck up to teachers to write me referral letters and join clubs/societies that will give me an edge for transferring.</p></li>
<li><p>I have to say that I don’t exactly know what kind of career I wish to pursue. I can only say with certainty that I want to work with ideas. (Have always been a creative kid, love writing - hence bloggergirl) How vague, I know! But I know what I want to study (I’m a very curious person and I love learning) in the kind of environment that I think I will thrive in.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>
This may be much harder to do than you think. Scholarships and RA positions are extremely competitive. Part-time jobs may not make much of a dent in the large loans you are talking about.</p>
<p>
This sounds reasonable. But why not study Econ in Singapore for a year or two instead of Accounting?</p>
<p>OP: It is very nice to see a strong-minded 19 year old Chinese girl from Singapore make bold (and dangerous) plans to take control of her own destiny and follow her dreams wherever they may lead. This attitude will serve you well in New York. I say, go for it. You only live once. Good luck, and please update us about what happens.</p>
<p>Reading this thread is making me doubt myself even more. My son applied and got into NYU and Rutgers honors program (which would be free as I am on faculty of Rutgers). My son’s reason for wanting to go to NYU - because he wants to live in NYC. That was all he could offer. Is NYU $200,000 better than Rutgers honors program for a kid who doesn’t know what he wants to study? </p>
<p>If my daughter wanted to leave home and go across the world to study at NYU, I am afraid I would feel just like bloggergirl’s mom does.</p>
<p>Bloggergirl, you are sounding more and more entitled by the minute. Your Mom may be technologically challenged with limited command of English and emotionally stifled/stifling but she sure seems to have a good grasp of your heart and soul. So brava Mom. Who by the way is financially successful and an entrepreneur to boot.</p>
<p>I don’t think parents get to choose their kids majors. But why you haven’t come up with an economically viable plan on your own (you are, after all, someone who plans to study economics) strikes me as the core reason why your Mom has suggested the local accounting option as a fall back plan.</p>
<p>Show some maturity; figure out a compromise that gives your Mom some reassurance that you can take initiative and develop a plan of action to meet your goals; counter her objections with facts and not emotion, and you’ll be halfway to NYU. Rejecting Accounting out of hand because you think it will be boring (won’t the first year require taking micro and macro economics anyway? Just like an econ major?) seems silly- where are the facts???</p>
<p>I don’t know when bloggergirl will be back, but she’s been in touch, and I just thought I’d drop a note to let this thread know how she’s doing + give more context for any further advice: bloggergirl has spoken to her mum, and has worked out a few things:</p>
<ol>
<li>her mum is willing to pay for two years’ tuition, but three seems to be tight, and four presumably very difficult. So it is partly a financial issue.</li>
<li>since the OP’s sister can afford to pay up to two years’ tuition, she is looking into that - having her sister pay half and her parents the other half, or taking a loan to alleviate the financial burden on her family.</li>
<li>the OP’s mum does have a specific objection to NYU, but not to other US schools; the reason why is not known.</li>
<li>the OP’s mum did say that she hasn’t shown herself to be self-reliant and mature enough to go halfway across the world to study. So the OP is working on using the time she has now to exhibit a little independence, doing the financial paperwork, working out a $$ plan that reduces the financial burden on her family, etc. as blossom suggested.</li>
</ol>
<p>A couple more things… the OP has a green card. So off-campus work, some student loans and working in the US after graduation are all possible financial options. It also makes her eligible for NYU scholarships (which AFAIK are not given to international students). The OP’s sister also lives close enough to NYU for the OP to live with her family and commute to school. So there are quite a number of angles to attack the $$ problem from. Thoughts?</p>
<p>Hey my kindergarten classmate!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p><em>headdesk</em></p>
<p>I will never tire of the fact that in this country, by the time you turn 18, you’re not more than four degrees of separation away from anyone else in the country. And that would be anyone.</p>
<p>I know someone who taught Lee Kuan Yew’s neighbour. (Did I mention anyone? Yes, absolutely anyone.)</p>
<p>I think given everything else that’s going on, Bloggergirl’s plan is insane. However, if she really, really wants to come to New York that much, here’s my suggestion: If she has a green card and a place to stay, why not just come here, live with her sister, and work for a while? Take classes at NYU part time and pay for them as she goes. Don’t take out a huge amount of loans. You could also take classes at Hunter college (cheaper!) for two years, then transfer.</p>
<p>Ha ha, my degree of separation from LKY is one. Hey, Grace, add me on Facebook lah.</p>
<p>So now I’m two degrees away from LKY. Excellent. I also love the thoroughly bizarre list of friends in common we have - illustrates the point perfectly.</p>
<p>Endicott: I doubt she will be taking out a huge amount of loans, especially since her first year will be paid for out of pocket, and she can commute. She could take summer classes at Hunter, and graduate early, saving half to one sem’s tuition at NYU. What is (almost) certain is that with the new information about her parents’ willingness to pay two years’, but not much more, of tuition, she will not be in debt for life; in fact (let’s wait for the numbers after she gets this worked out) it’s quite likely her debt will be much, much lower, and depends mainly what job she takes on while studying.</p>
<p>blossom: Trust me, I have the facts - I just don’t have to give them to you.</p>
<p>I haven’t been coming back here because it dawned upon me that there’s simply too little advice that is pertinent to my situation. But thanks for the input.</p>
<p>fiona: Omg so the fiona here and the one on Facebook is the same!! I’m soo sorry for repeatedly rejecting your friend request. And how did you know that I’m me? ^.^</p>
<p>Careful, bloggergirl, I think you just used up the last shred of goodwill blossom might ever have had for you. I can see your perspective and why NYU looks like such an appealing option over the local ones, but if there’s impertinent advice (haha) I think it’s because of a lack of information, and if at this point you were to say “hey, look, here are the numbers, this is what I’ll have to do to go, these options are off the table for whatever reason, my #1 concern is reducing the bill but x, y and z are not negotiable” then there may still be advice worth looking into (like Endicott’s suggestion about taking some classes at Hunter).</p>
<p>Tread carefully. Don’t burn bridges. Especially with someone like blossom, who has a track record of giving wise but hard-to-stomach advice.</p>
<p>Thanks, phantompong, forgive me for my ignorance; I was not aware of that track record. Blossom, in the span of time that I was absent from the board a lot of things have happened. I rant here; I get my facts straight offline and present them rationally. It’s already very stressful having to account to one parent. Nevertheless, even negative feedback has been useful. Always know thy enemy, yes? I definitely appreciate the time that everyone has taken to give their feedback. I will update on any subsequent news.</p>
<p>nursenj: Maybe this thread will help you to anticipate your son’s responses and so you can adequately kill his arguments one by one, just like how this thread has helped me. Information is a double-edged sword!</p>
<p>Bloggergirl, you are not the first and certainly not the last person on this site to post, asking for advice, and then shutting down anyone who disagrees with you or offers a contrarian point of view. I certainly take no offense when someone doesn’t want to hear what I have to say- not in real life, and certainly not on an anonymous message board.</p>
<p>But I think it’s curious that everyone agreed with the OP that the Mom couldn’t (horrors) have any concerns about either NYU or the price tag. Voila, Mom is worried about both. Well Gee, call the newspapers. I am a Mom. There are things in my kids life (and my own) that I believe are worth sacrificing for and things that are not. All the facts in the world aren’t going to change Mom’s view that if she can only afford two years of study in the US, half a degree from Wharton and half a degree from NYU are not interchangeable.</p>
<p>If you were my niece or a kid’s friend, I would give you this advice: stop referring to your Mom as the enemy. Even as a joke. It is indicative of your mindset- that somehow she is set on ruining your life. She probably hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in months worrying that somehow she has failed you by having experienced some financial set backs. She is probably distracted at work worrying as to how best help you achieve your goals. She has probably wondered how she can help launch you into adulthood without saddling you with enormous loans, if you can’t get a good job coming out of Stern. She probably worries herself to distraction that you’ll be thousands of miles away if you need her.</p>
<p>So I say give your Mom a break here. There is zero evidence that she’s being cruel or punitive or petty, and much evidence that she’s trying to do right by you. And maybe… just maybe… she’s trying to be a good mom to your sister, as well, by not encouraging you to wipe your sister’s savings out in one fell swoop, as generous as your sister is being with you. Letting one sister risk her financial future to help you go to NYU may be the worst thing a Mom can do.</p>
<p>So cut her some slack. End of my rant.</p>