How can I get through to my dad?

Parent Cafe
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<p>As a rising senior, college is a pretty common discussion topic between me and my dad. However, we always end up back at the same place - he thinks to be successful I should go to the school with the best name (that I can), regardless of the price. I have a few issues with that, one of which being the cost. I don't know what kind of money he has set aside to pay for 4 years of a college that costs 50k plus per year (he says not to expect much financial aid), then 4 more years of med school, as well as college and possibly grad school for my 2 younger brothers. He tells me not to choose a college based on cost, but it's really hard not to factor that into the equation.</p>

<p>I've heard a lot of people on these forums saying that one doesn't need to go to a top university to get a decent job and make a decent living. Does anyone have articles, studies, statistics, anything I can use to get through to him and show him that I'll be fine if I go to the school I want to go to, UW - Madison, because I really like Madison and it is a good school, just not good enough for him.</p>

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<p>At this point you don’t have to choose a college. You just have to choose where to apply.<br>
So apply to your state Flagship…that should be a good college at a reasonable price.
Also add some other colleges that fit your scores. Add some schools that your dad suggests.</p>

<p>In May, when you choose, ask him what he can pay per year. If he says I can pay $50,000 per year, then you could say if I go to school X which is only $30,000 after Merit, can you put the money toward possible Med School in the future?</p>

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<p>" he thinks to be successful I should go to the school with the best name (that I can), regardless of the price."</p>

<p>Where did he go to college? Does he feel that he would have done better graduating from a different place? Or if he did go to a “top” institution, does he feel that only people who went there have been able to go anywhere in life?</p>

<p>If you can get a better understanding of his reasoning, you will be able to find better ways of dealing with it.</p>

<p>Meanwhile, keep your head screwed on right about the money, and make a list of options that you can afford with only minimal (or no) help from your family. That way you will have a solid back up plan.</p>

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<p>He went to Yale - so my guess would be he wants to feel like the education he got was the best there was, and he wants me to get the “best” as well. Kind of like he got this great education, and he doesn’t want to hear that people can get just as far going to other schools that the ivies or other elite colleges.</p>

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<p>Yes. Apply to multiple schools, and find some interesting schools with good financial aid not just UW so you have some comparison points. There is no harm in applying to a couple of your Dad’s suggestions - he may know you better than you think and even if he doesn’t what is the harm in applying to a couple of your reaches to satisfy your curiosity and/or his?</p>

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<p>UW-Madison is a great school!</p>

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<p>Does he work in investment banking, management consulting, or law?</p>

<p>In any case, ask him how much he will spend on your schooling. If he can spend $260,000 on your undergraduate, plus $300,000 on your medical school, and have comparable amounts for your younger siblings’ college costs, then perhaps you do not have to worry about costs. But if the limit is lower, then cost necessarily becomes a factor in your college choice.</p>

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<p>If he is going to pay for it all that is one thing. Just make sure when the time comes to pick that you don’t take on any of the debt. Your student debt can only total 27k for 4 years. He can’t make you cosign for more. It sounds like you will have plenty of debt doing your grad or professional schools. It is usual for the person to pay for their own grad or professional school expenses, not the parent. some parents do contribute and that is a nice bonus…</p>

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<p>Dont’ wait til May to ask…ask NOW.</p>

<p>Sit down and calmly ask, “Dad, how much can you pay each year towards college?” If he doesn’t give you a number, say, “Can you pay $60k per year?” If he says, “yes,” then ask if he can also help pay for med school.</p>

<p>If he does say that he can pay for all of undergrad (and maybe some of med school), then apply to a variety of schools and see where you get in.</p>

<p>What are your stats?</p>

<p>BTW…what does your dad do for a living?</p>

<p>As an aside…what is your mom saying about all of this? Is she on board with the parents paying? </p>

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<p>My school doesn’t rank, nor does it give percentiles. I’d estimate top 25%, maybe 15%, but I really have no idea.</p>

<p>Extra curricular activities:
Erika’s Lighthouse club: 9th-12th, hopefully a leadership position this year, since I’m pretty much the reason the club is still around.
PAWS animal club: 9, 11 - couldn’t do it sophomore year b/c of a schedule conflict. Board position for senior year.
FNHS: 10th -12th grade
Job as an assistant at an orthodontist’s office a couple days a week, usually from about 3:30 to 6 if it’s a school day, and 8:30 to 1:30 on some Saturdays.</p>

<p>I’m getting one recommendation from my calc teacher. If I need another one, I might ask either the teacher I had for Brain Studies, or the sponsor of Erika’s Lighthouse, depending on the situation.</p>

<p>School: Pretty decent reputation, located in a good suburb. I’m lucky to be able to go there.</p>

<p>Me: White girl from Illinois. Lives in a suburb of Chicago. Pretty average.</p>

<p>Financially, things are a bit complicated. My dad has told me he’s been saving for a long time and that I shouldn’t worry about cost. However, he and my mom are in the middle of getting divorced, and I know that causes some complications. My mom works at an athletic clothing store as a sales person. My dad is a lawyer.</p>

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<p>Your parents are divorcing and your mom is a lowly paid person. Even tho dad is an atty, he may be wishfully thinking that he won’t have to pay much/anything in spousal support. That is doubtful. Who knows how the finances will play out with this divorce. Assets will get split. Heck, even the college savings may get split between the parents. </p>

<p>You have other siblings who also need to go thru college. </p>

<p>Be cautious no matter what dad says. Apply to some top schools, apply to your flagship and matches, and apply to a couple of schools where your stats will get large merit. </p>

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<p>You could write a letter to admissions explaining that your father made you apply and ask to be rejected.</p>

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<p>Okay, so I know where you go to school based on Erikas lighthouse. I hope that club continues. </p>

<p>Because I know you go to a school where everyone is going to be applying to top schools and the competition will be steep, just make sure to look at the naviance. Also, since I know where you live, I know you won’t get any financial aid at all. But I’m guessing your dad will pay for everything. </p>

<p>He’d be embarrassed not to. </p>

<p>Just sit down, tell him your fears, and let him reassure you. You’ll be fine!</p>

<p>Good luck!!</p>

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<p>I would remind your dad to take medical school into account. If you can get a full (or nearly full) ride to a decent public, tell your dad he can save your money for medical school. You’ll both be better off in the long run. I know a family who did just that, for law school, and their D will graduate without any debt. </p>

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<p>More of the most happy, successful Americans didn’t graduate from Harvard than those who did. Harvard is a well-known school as an example, but isn’t the only worthy school. How about this guy as an example:
Robert A. Niblock
Director, Chairman of the Board, President and Chief Executive Officer, Lowe’s Companies, Inc., Niblock holds a bachelor’s degree in accounting from the University of North Carolina at Charlotte.
Or this fellow: Mr. Stephen D. Steinour, also known as Steve, has been the Chief Executive Officer and President of Huntington Bancshares Inc., and for its subsidiary, The Huntington National Bank. Mr. Steinour holds a degree in Economics from Gettysburg College.</p>

<p>I am guessing your Dad is so wealthy that costs don’t matter. Lucky him! But if costs do matter, then find out what his budget is.</p>

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<p>@mom2collegekids‌ - My dad has offered to take care of all the college costs, as long as the assets he supposedly has to pay for them are left to him. But who knows what my mom will get and what he’ll get. And trust me, I am being very cautious, hence this thread.</p>

<p>@poetgirl‌ - If you’re thinking New Trier, you’re wrong :wink: but that general area of schools</p>

<p>@younghoss - Thank you for the specific people. I’ve been trying to use stats and facts to back up my arguments, but my dad always says that they “don’t mean anything.” I’m sure costs do matter to him, he just doesn’t want me to choose a college based on the cost. Both him and my mom are still working on the divorce, so there’s lots of fees there for lawyers and other stuff. All of which he’s technically paying for.</p>

<p>Thank you everyone for the help. I wish I could convince my dad that if I go to Wisconsin or UIUC, I’ll still be able to get into med school at a school like WashU or Johns Hopkins. I know it’s a lot of work, but I’ve learned a lot about time management and getting work done before doing fun things these past few years, so hopefully I’ll be able to do it. </p>

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<p>"My dad has offered to take care of all the college costs, as long as the assets he supposedly has to pay for them are left to him. " - And a Grad. School? It is kind of stupid to pay top money for UG and then skip Grad. School. But if Gra. School is in plans, then is he going to cover both? Because if not, then you are much much better off to attend UG on full tuition Merit + and then ask him to cover your Grad. School. Otherwise, unless you are going to be employed at the place that covers Grad. School tuition, I do not see ANY point whatsoever to pay top money for UG education. My points are not theory. Both my H. and I have MBA - tuition was covered by various employers and my D. was on full tuition Merit at UG which is a priamary reason for us to cover her Medical School tuition (and living). As we have one tuition payment left to make, it is a great deal for her to gradute from Med. School debt free (as a result of her hard work and smart decision choosing her UG)</p>

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<p>Wash U or Johns Hopkins med schools? Such low standards … :)</p>

<p>Admissions at those places are <em>very</em> difficult - so, while the “name” of the undergraduate institution isn’t that important, you do want to be sure the school you choose can provide the avenues to build a superlative resume. The “gateways” to admissions at any top med school are, of course, MCAT and GPA, and you can achieve those things almost anywhere (though some schools will be better than others.)</p>

<p>But you’ll also want an undergraduate school that can give you avenues to achieving other superlative activities that will set you apart - whether that’s getting co-author credit on some published research, or extensive medical volunteering or whatever. So, when choosing your undergraduate school, look for an environment where you can achieve those ‘extracurriculars’ - in some very large state schools, it can be difficult to stand-out and experience those things.</p>

<p>That said, probably the most important thing is finding a school where you’ll be comfortable and happy and can thrive - this will be far more important in your success than choosing a school based on its name. </p>

<p>As for finances, like others have said, you really need to have an honest conversation with your father. I said things like your father to my daughter, saying “We’ll find a way to pay for any school you want to go to.” </p>

<p>But when DD was accepted to Williams, with it’s 50K+ COA, <em>and</em> her desire to go to medical school, I realized I’d over-promised - I couldn’t pay for that, and still support her through med school. I’d recommend anyone planning med school finish their undergrad debt-free.</p>

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<p>Since your father is in law, perhaps he is applying what he observes in his profession (that school prestige is highly important) to the general case, even though school prestige is less important in medical school admissions and many other areas compared to law.</p>

<p>Regardless, divorce can be very damaging to the household finances of both ex-spouses, since they will spend money on divorce lawyers, then have higher costs to maintain separate households rather than living together in one household. And do not forget to ask if he will have enough money to pay the same amount for your brothers that he promises to pay for you.</p>

<p>Due to the uncertain finances, it is best to have some very low cost schools in your application list. Look here: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/1678964-links-to-popular-threads-on-scholarships-and-lower-cost-colleges.html”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/financial-aid-scholarships/1678964-links-to-popular-threads-on-scholarships-and-lower-cost-colleges.html&lt;/a&gt; .</p>

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<p>I am sorry to hear about your parents divorce, that must suck. I agree with others to apply to a wide range of schools. Good luck with your senior year!</p>

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<p>“Wash U or Johns Hopkins med schools? Such low standards .”
-As other posters pointed out, if Med. School is in plan, go to the cheapest UG (that still fits you personally though), the name of school is irrelevant, period. Better yet, got to a “free tuition” one (for you) and negotiate with your parent(s), paying for your Med. School. All you need the college GPA as close as possible to 4.0, decent MCAT, some medical ECs and to make your life somewhat diverse in UG, pursue your own interests (music, sport, art, language, band, trips abroad, Greek,…whatever), since you will not have any time for these at Med. School.
It makes no sense to pay top dollars for UG if you are going to Med. School, unless… you have unlimited resources, which does not sound here they you do.</p>