I’m currently a high school senior, going to college in a couple months. I was never really social in high school and as a result did not have many friends. One of my main problems is that I am terrible at small talk or starting/keeping conversations, so I can’t really make new friends. How can I get off to a good start freshman year and make friends and connections? What are some good conversation topics? Any tips? Thanks in advance!
It is normal that you will feel kinda of lost during your freshman year, this is actually the best time to look for friends who will stick with you throughout your college year. There’s no particular topic talk about aside from your curriculum and the school that you came from. I had a lonely first day but have managed to make some friends during the second day. Would you believe that I have a total of 14 friends during my freshman year but as time goes by I realize that the only person who will be there no matter what is that friend mine who’s just like me in terms attitude and all. Don’t stress out yourself you will surely make some.
Go to orientation, dorm, club, etc. activities. If you’re religious, get involved with that group. At the beginning, everyone will be looking for friends - take advantage of that! Ask people to go to dinner/lunch at the dining hall, work on homework, study, go to on-campus movie/improv night/community service activity/whatever. Having an actual activity to attend together is an easier social situation than just going to a party, IMO. Best advice I ever got about “small talk” is to start asking the person questions about themselves - their interests, family, hometown, favorite movies, classes, music, etc. Or ask their advice about something or their opinion about something. People love to talk about themselves! Good luck!!
I don’t know if you are into gaming but my college freshman reports that so many kids don’t put down the controller to the Playstation/XBOX that they are missing out on meeting people and engaging even after they do know their hall/dorm mates. So first, put down the devices.
Otherwise smile, make eye contact, be friendly, and offer to help when someone needs it. Relax and enjoy yourself and that will create a good energy that others will feed off of. Keep it light and don’t stress about it too much. You’ve made friends thus far in life, you will in college too.
Be open to new activities and groups you might not have thought you’d be into. My freshman never had any interests in going Greek. Honestly it was the last thing I thought he would do. Things were a little slow the first two weeks of the fall semester so he rushed just to check it out. Ended up pledging and absolutely loves being in his fraternity. So you never know what will be right for you.
Enjoy!
Consider finding the facebook page for kids in your class at your school.
Comment every now and then… push yourself a little out of your comfort zone. Try to get to know some of the guys and girls a little.
My daughter found that doing so meant that on day 1 she already had some “friends.” Some have lasted, some haven’t. But it really made that first day or so so much easier!!
You can make friends. Saying you can’t shows that you need to change your mindset. You’ve clearly had some friends. College is a time to leave behind self-imposed ideas of “being popular (or not)” and instead focus on becoming a more mature version of yourself.
There are going to be bumps in the road. I wrote the following after my own child’s difficult experience when she left for college as a freshman. She’s now a junior and couldn’t be happier. I no longer call her shy and introverted. Rather, she’s a reserved person who has several good friends. Please read these posts:
http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/2016222-to-those-who-feel-lonely-homesick-friendless-think-they-chose-the-wrong-school-etc-p1.html
http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1808143-having-trouble-adjusting-to-college-making-friends-top-10-things-to-do-p1.html
http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1624887-remember-you-are-awesome-dont-stress.html#latest
Every year, dozens of posts in this forum will be titled something like “no friends…homesick.” One such post had a great response from a kid who said he met his best friend outside the bathroom one day. You don’t have to have a lot of topics lined up to talk about. Just start out by saying hi to people and smiling. You’ll get there in your own way.
If only there was a sticky with this info:
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/1808143-having-trouble-adjusting-to-college-making-friends-top-10-things-to-do.html
Your school may even have a pre-orientation program where groups of freshmen-to-be spend a week together (kind of like a camp setting) doing something of common interest. All different types of groups. My S did not attend one of these but knows many who did and they all liked it and got to know several kids prior to moving in. Just a thought.