<p>Like Sop14, overnights were critical in our DD’s decision. At the college she eventually chose, when we picked her up, her response was, “These are my kind of people.” So she could see herself living there.<br>
Also, she had specific things she was or was not looking for: Not a big Greek scene, lots of open space, not a commuter school (most students staying on campus on weekends), and intellect of student body, among others.
She had a college book for the Mid-Atlantic States. And she wrote all over it and crossed colleges off, made notes, etc.</p>
<p>The school my daughter felt “fit” best for her was not even a school which came to my mind during the college search process. It’s a school that has changed so much since we were in school, that when H first brought it up, I was like, “HUH?”</p>
<p>“No, really. I think this REALLY sounds like her.”</p>
<p>He took her for a visit and she fell in loooooove with the place. She got there last year and has loved it, except mid-terms and finals, of course, and barely came home this summer. This year, a few days before she got on the plane to go back, she sat me down to tell me she just couldn’t see herself coming home for the whole summer next year.</p>
<p>Heartbreak and happiness (for her, not me. It’s far.)</p>
<p>But, that said, there were better academic “fits” for her, and maybe even a few better “social environments” for her, if you looked at it only on paper. So, just a story and no advice.</p>
<p>To all the good advice already I would add one suggestion: give it time. We did summer visits, too, and while our son had a couple of “I LOVE this place!” reactions (including the place he ended up at), and a couple of “get me out of here now!” reactions, mostly he was just kind of mildly positive. But by decision time, his feelings had become much stronger and more specific. Sometimes you have to give an impression time to ripen before it’s strong enough to act on.</p>
<p>poetgrl: That story is really interesting! </p>
<p>Could you say a few details about what she originally thought she was looking for, what made your H think it was right, and what has turned out to be the most important aspect(s) of her great “fit”?</p>
<p>And I get the distance thing - my D1 is 1000 miles away, and my D2 could do the same. At least they’ve both aimed to be near my family, so it has its good side. And D1 as she’s finishing is not set on staying in that area. She might even come back to our very city to work! Although I must mention that there is a BF involved, longterm since HS, to draw her here.</p>
<p>Great point, nightchef. We’ve definitely had the “digesting” process with my kids.</p>
<p>EmmyBet–</p>
<p>I wish I could. </p>
<p>If you asked her, “Why X?”</p>
<p>She would tell you, “I just knew the moment I stepped on campus. It was perfect for me.”</p>
<p>Some things she has talked about: It is urban but in a nice enclave of the city
The students are very outdoorsy, but very hip
It is fun, but the work is challenging</p>
<p>Most of all, though, it was just the way she felt. H has always simply “felt” intuitively that she belonged in the mountains, based on family trips and the times in her life when she’s been most herself and most happy and free. As a father, he had some insights into when she wasn’t being as authentically herself that I might have missed. They are similar in temperment…too.</p>
<p>That is actually a lot of real information. I know it seems mysterious, but sometimes you just can see your kid’s fit somewhere - and sometimes it is something like “they like the mountains.” On another thread, a kid likes “brick buildings”; without pandering to whims, I’d say that if someone feels like going to colleges means walking in and out of brick buildings, that’s important, and they should try for it.</p>
<p>One of the top 3 criteria for picking a school, in my opinion, is wanting to live there for 4 years. I was told this, and it makes a ton of sense. Maybe a kid would want to live in a few different kinds of places, but if they can see themselves living there day-to-day for this stretch of time, that can sometimes be enough. There is an aspect to schools where school is school; these subjective criteria sometimes are actually more important.</p>
<p>So far for my kids (one college junior, one high school senior), it’s been a tiny bit about location/setting/infrastructure but mostly about the kids at the school. It’s either a group they can see themselves being part of or. . . not. </p>
<p>With DS#1 we did the tours (mostly fall of senior year), sent in applications, got results, narrowed it to two, and re-visited just those in the spring. He came away with a clear preference. Easy peasy.</p>
<p>Unless your son is looking to add to his application list, you might just let things simmer until he finds out where he is in terms of admissions/fin aid. It would probably be really helpful to him to see the students at the schools he’s seriously considering come Mar/Apr.</p>
<p>I think Pizzagirl has really hit on something important that many teenagers don’t focus on. It is simply not the case that there is that one perfect college out there for each kid. Most kids would fit in perfectly to many different colleges. I think teenagers start to stress themselves out because they know that they are only going to be an undergraduate once and they don’t want to make a mistake by picking the wrong school. If they appreciate that there are a lot of “good fit” schools for each of them, maybe they will decrease the stress somewhat.</p>
<p>sometimes the “fit” comes only after acceptance and an accepted student’s overnight or weekend. Sometimes it comes after researching a place and visiting before applying. Sometimes it doesn’t come at all at first only to show up when the student has transferred to the “fit” school. I think the best a parent can do is eliminate the definite no schools and then try to help with the decision amongst the acceptances but not everyone has the “fit” experience.</p>
<p>Schools tend to have a reputation of one kind or the other:</p>
<p>U Rochester – a more intellectual school, often a choice for those who had selective LACs on their list but didn’t get in (my d’s first choice is Wellesley and she is applying here as a back up)</p>
<p>Worcester Polytechnic (WPI) – nerd school</p>
<p>Northeastern – for preprofessional students who like the Boston scene</p>
<p>Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT) – not on my radar at all</p>
<p>And I’ve noticed that when you ask people if their school’s stereotypes are true, they often admit that they are. Super negatives - like “everyone here is a bitter Ivy wannabe” - are usually too harsh, but a general reputation is often a pretty good indicator. </p>
<p>I was so glad people told me the school I was interested in was for people who just wanted to study all the time. I said, “THANK YOU! You just sealed it for me!”</p>
<p>I second the recommendation to look at Case Western. They definitely give money to NMF’s. Great student body, smart/nerdy/sociable. And it’s not the East coast, but you can have big-city adventures in Cleveland. </p>
<p>Carnegie Mellon has fewer scholarships (my brilliant son did not get one!) but your S may qualify for finaid?</p>
<p>How about U of Illinois? It’s fantastic in CS and Engineering as well.</p>
<p>My S had definite ideas about schools that narrowed down the list. He also was not that picky and would have happily gone to several places he visited.</p>
<p>He wanted not too far from home, a decent program in his major, a large campus, preferably urban.</p>
<p>And merit aid was a must; His SATs were good, his grades, not so much that he would get good merit at most of the private schools he was interested in. Be sure to check what stats would get the aid you’d need. And discuss with him what you can afford to pay. We had to take some schools off his list, since he could probably get admitted but we would be nearly full pay. And that was not something we could do.</p>
<p>My son didn’t see Caltech or CMU before applying. He just thought of being in a CS/science school. When applying to grad school, the more selective places flew him out for interviews. He finally saw Princeton, Yale, Columbia, and revisited MIT and CMU. This time he took note of the environment and the people. While he liked the CA schools, he ended up in program with top profs and program, and less concern about funding.</p>
<p>There was never a question of the perfect fit; at least 1 or 2 other schools would have met his needs. He has classmates go to CMU and UCB, among others.</p>
<p>The schools on the visit list are all very technical and somewhat urban. If nothing is turning the lights on I would suggest looking at some strong engineering schools with a different feel. For example: Lehigh - good engineering school in a small town; Tufts - solid engineering school in the middle of a very diverse academic university; Northwestern - good engineering school with a big campus feel.</p>
<p>My D1 did not look for the perfect fit, but every school on her list had passed her this feels right test.</p>
<p>Do you find that you are often influenced by whether or not you like the tour guide? Do you think the group of tour guides you meet is representative or do they just represent the face that the school wants to put on? The guides at WPI were cute and outgoing, not like the stereotype. I think WPI’s marketing is very good, and I am just a little worried that it’s marketing and not reality.</p>
<p>Northwestern and Washington U (WUSTL) are also on his list, but the school counselor isn’t giving us much confidence about him getting in. I guess because of the 3.6 GPA. The cost is also a factor. </p>
<p>Have thought about having him consider a 3/2 program where he could spend 3 years at a non-engineering school and finish up the engineering at WUSTL. They work with a lot of good schools like Grinnell, Denison, Knox, Rhodes, Colgate, etc. However, this just adds another layer of complication to a decision he doesn’t really want to make yet!</p>
<p>Great feedback on my original post! Thanks.</p>
<p>This may not work for everyone, but it’s worked in my family.</p>
<p>I’ve often shared with my kids that I don’t want to shortchange them on my guidance and advice. My advice to them is that the best decisions are made with heart and mind. Heart decisions are basically emotional, mind are basically rational. We have both decision-making skills and should use them to our advantage. It’s important to establish this approach as early as possible in the college-selection process.</p>
<p>So in deciding on their schools, considerations of passion (eg: [‘I</a> really love this place’](<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/1065594311-post1.html]'I”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/1065594311-post1.html)) were on the same level as cost (Final Cost = Tuition - Merit Scholarships). Keeping in mind the old adage ‘You can know the price of everything, but know the value of nothing’ was also helpful.</p>
<p>Here’s a quick tip: reading the student newspaper will also give you insight beyond a school’s marketing material.</p>
<p>OP - I’ll suggest that you don’t try to determine fit yet. Unless the cost of application is significant in terms of time and money (less an issue with so many common app schools), you might be better off making the decision when you see acceptances and merit/financial aid packages. In my experierence, the school a senior likes in the fall can be very different than the one they like in March. Good luck.</p>
<p>Tour guides - don’t let one person sway your opinion of a school TOO much. </p>
<p>S never really wanted to be a tour guide, but part of his FA is work-study and the only job open that fits with his schedule is tour guide. He loves his college so I think he’ll represent it well. My point is not to assume that tour guides are carefully chosen by Admissions - they ARE screened (S had to have a faculty recommendation) but Admissions doesn’t go around looking for attractive, upbeat students, tapping them on the shoulder and asking them to be tour guides. They choose from the pool of students that applies to be tour guides, and that pool may or may not be typical of all students at the college. It may just be kids who need a job.</p>
<p>As for fit… S got a “feel” for all the colleges he looked at before he applied, but his final decision came after returning for 2nd visits after he had been accepted. At that point he had a better idea what he wanted in a college, and the college he had thought was his first choice slipped to #2, and his previous second choice emerged the clear winner. His method of deciding between the 2 was to list off all of the factors that mattered to him - dorms, courses available, sports, distance from home, etc. He came up with 21 factors, and next to each factor he listed which of the 2 schools he liked best for that one particular factor. Then he totalled them up, and the score was 14 - 7. He is now a senior at the “14” school and loves it.</p>
<p>My D liked almost every campus she looked at (except for 2). I had a running joke, her first choice school was whichever one she had most recently visited. And she is now attending the last school she visited and loves it. For her it was just a “feeling” - she actually said, “It’s calling to me!” when we first drove onto the campus. But also it had a lot to do with the “style” - not the physical style, but their approach to teaching and to what it means to be a college student. D is a very hands-on learner, and her college has been sited as one of the best for Engaged Learning. They make a strong effort to tie learning in the classroom to learning outside the classroom, offer a lot of “service learning” classes, and even give students a second transcript that details their leadership positions, community service, internships, research, study abroad, etc. That style of learning matched D perfectly. And the type of kids who are attracted to that learning style (as opposed to those who enjoy poring thru books and debating ideas) are her kind of people as well.</p>
<p>One parent explained to me that the kids just walk differently/taller when they feel comfortable on a campus.</p>