In my S19 school district they held a breakfast for the top 10 juniors from each HS. They were all told to specifically try and gain access to Ivy schools instead of “settling” for state U etc…
“@Postmodern I am not sure how you put this squarely on “social” pressures. This is a direct quote from the beginning of the article. It’s the pressure to be perfect at everything.”
from this quote from the profiled student’s mother:
“He was surrounded by kids who had a social life, and he just didn’t connect with the kids. He was popular at home, but not at Columbia.”
Please don’t ignore my main point, which was that to claim this is unique to or even common at a certain type of college but not other colleges or situations is irresponsible, and unsupported by data.
Find me a public high school that hasn’t had a suicide or attempted suicide. It would be hard. This is a serious societal issue, and not an elite college issue.
I disagree with what was told to the kids there for four reasons. One, totally ignores family resources. Two, some kids (even top 10 kids) don’t have an interest in an Ivy. Three, arbitrary cutoff at top 10. Four, “settling” is a totally judgmental and subjective statement.
Told by whom, and where is the district?
@postmodern wrong article. I was qutoing the second one. And here is another…
You can deny all you want. But there is most definitely a pattern.
In attendance were the school principal’s, district school board member and chairman, county superintendent, House of Representative and a representative from the Senator’s office.
@EyeVeee you, also, can deny all you want. These kids can’t dial it back because they have no idea how to dial it back. They haven’t been taught that it is okay to pump the brakes. Their entire identity is wrapped up in achievements. I have seen uber overachievers go until they physically or mentally can go no longer. Panic attacks have become common. That is completely unhealthy.
“@postmodern wrong article. I was qutoing [sic] the second one. And here is another…”
But you replied to my post and asked me what I meant… so how could that be the “wrong” article? sigh…
What in the new article you post, which has been posted here before and is interesting, supports your original premise that unique pressures at elite colleges are driving kids to suicide?
You claim a “pattern”. Not sure what that pattern is nor have you shown any data of such. We’re not supposed to argue here so I am leaving this issue with this point, until you present some, at which time I will mea culpa.
It’s called parenting.
Kids often do not understand finances well and particularly the nuances of them from family to family. So if its cheaper for them to go to a private school than it is the state flagship, they think that must be true for everyone. I would expect that adults in the school system though would have a better understanding of financial realities. Though I say that without knowing the school district and the financial resources of the families involved here. I would never expect any politician to have any clue whatsoever about anything financial (or practical or realistic for that matter).
@postmodern You didn’t cite which article. I assumed you were responding to the second as that is the one I specifically said was a must read. Second, there is ample evidence which you are choosing to ignore because you are not open to the possibility that it is true. I’ve posted several articles. There are many more. Third, you shouldn’t need a matrix to see what is happening.
It’s your choice to stand firm and defend your position. I am just hoping to shed some light on what is an ugly truth so that other parents can see the damage that is happening to students that feel compelled to keep going when it is clearly not in their best interest. Frankly, some of these kids are being sold a bill of goods. Balance is a very good and healthy thing. Sadly, many view that as “slacking”.
Have you written to / met with them and explained the issue? Write the paper and expose them. Get one of the kids in the room to write an article in the school paper.
That might actually help one of them get into an Ivy League school…so nevermind.
Yes, parenting absolutely plays a part. But it is largely societal as that is where many parents get their cues. Maybe you are enlightened, but many are not. This isn’t just about you and your kids.
I absolutely have one of those Type-A stressed out kids with anxiety. A very high achiever. And a kid who always pushes herself too much. I have a kid who is the exact opposite as well. I think it is much more NATURE than NURTURE when it comes to this issue.
@CValle absolutely. It’s really three-fold (nature, nurture and societal). Thank you for bringing that up.
I would just talk with my kid about the realities of people who sometimes say things without full info which make such statements less than helpful and often time wrong. Its called parenting. 
Yes it is.
If everyone focused on their kids and what’s best for them, we wouldn’t be having a discussion around the problems with a narrative focused on 8 schools.
The primary thing that matters is fit. I’m know some smart, successful, nice parents who have forced their kids into Cornell just to say Ivy, and those kids have been miserable. Not because Cornell is a bad place, but because those kids would have done better at a smaller school. One transferred to Swarthmore after a year, and loves being at school. Comparable education, different environment. There are other examples as well…it’s not an isolated situation.
If the parents would have taken a “this is about my kid” approach instead of “this is about what others think”, they could have avoided a painful year of misery at an Ivy. The narrative isn’t broken, parenting is. Change parenting, and the narrative will adjust accordingly.
A lot of blaming the parents going on here. I want to put in a few words for the parents.
It’s easy to tout “balance” but, in reality, it’s not always easy to tell where the line between too much/not enough is. From an article lastone03 linked: “my parents never insisted that I make perfect grades or finish high school at the top of my class. But with every ‘A’ I brought home from school, I noticed the smiles on their faces and heard their words of praise.” How can it be wrong to be proud of your kids, right? It can, as the author told us. But we are talking nuances here and even the most well-intended and dedicated parents can make this type of mistakes. Real life is messy.
Social pressure also contributes to the problem. I grew up and went to local schools in 5 countries across 3 continents and have never seen the type of social pressure my dds face in their big public schools here in NJ. DD1’s middle school clique was absolutely brutal, the meanest girl clique in recent memory, according to her principal. In an effort to get her to quit her clique, I confess to overemphasizing the importance of her academic achievements. My goal at the time was to give her some sense of control over her life. She had little control over her social situation, but she could control her grades by choosing to study more. I would say the boy in another article linked by lastone03 was more a victim of social pressure than academic pressure.
@EyeVeee it’s not that simple. It is much, much bigger. And I am surprised you can’t see that.
My husband went to Harvard and loved his time there, he feels privileged to have attended. My D applied and we will see what happens in about two weeks.
I can honestly say that if my D was having panic attacks and seemed like a nervous wreck (as I have observed several of her classmates appear) the last thing I would do is encourage her to apply to a top school.