How do you deal with failure & disappointment in a way that leads to success again?

This semester, I went from straight A+’s in previous semesters to 2 A’s and and 2 A- this semester (I took 4 courses again, as I always do).
In two of these courses, I was really close to earning an A+, but my stats final ruined it for me in one course and an assignment ruined it for me in another course.

I am a bit shocked because college was a breeze for me so far. I don’t know what happened this semester, but I did feel kind of unfocused so it’s likely my own fault rather than “bad luck” or bad professors.
I’m flying home tomorrow but I won’t be able to enjoy Christmas holidays and be proud of myself because I have let myself down this semester.

  1. Please give me your best study tips that have proven successful (and how to write like a native speaker, not just kind of like a native speaker. My English skills are pretty good but not 100% on point)
  2. How do you study successfully for exams that involve calculations/math, other than doing practice problems (I do that anyway)?
  3. Also, I have a really bad tendency of letting failure get the best of me and crashing my self-efficacy so much that, once I have a failure, I will continue to get bad grades almost like a chain reaction because getting A+’s as final grades again seems hopeless. How do you deal with failure in a more constructive way that will lead to success again?

Of course it would be great if you could answer all of these questions, but I would be so glad if you could answer even one of them!

Thank you:)

First of all, an A- is not even close to failure. You are progressing toward your goal of earning a degree, that’s what you are trying to accomplish. You are setting yourself up for a miserable life if only perfection is your view of not failing. Life is way messy, and not black and white, all or nothing. Your head has not blown off because you earned an A- or two. Guess what, you’d even survive a D. You might consider working with a cognitive behavioral therapist on your thinking patterns in order to gain a healthier perspective.

@NewVancouverite I completely agree with @NorthernMom61. I clicked on your thread because I expected to read about something very serious. Instead, “failure and disappointment” are defined as getting an A- in a class. You need to reassess your notions of failure and disappointment because surely there will be things that happen in your life that vastly exceed your very low threshold now. What will you do then?

Your third questions is the only one that really matters. Many universities have free psychological services. If yours does, you should definitely take advantage, and come up with a strategy for dealing with your extraordinarily high expectations.

Sorry but not very helpful. My two goals (getting a permanent resident visa in Canada and going to med school) aren’t things that just come to you. They are both comparably hard to achieve and suddenly going from A+'s to A-'s is like walking away from these dreams. That’s why I hoped for some study advice and advice about how to deal with failure.

You have to change the way you think because your expectations are unrealistic even for med school. Just because someone has A pluses in all their classes is no guarantee for admission to med school. Perfect grades are not a requirement for admission to med school. You approach is all or nothing meaning anything less than an A+ is failure which is very wrong. Please talk to your college/premed advisor to discuss realistic expectations because in reality life is not perfect. There are going to be a lot of ups and downs and you have to have the stamina to handle setbacks because the path to becoming a doctor is a very long and challenging journey.

My own child is a senior in college in the process of applying to med school. You have to look at the big picture and be a well rounded student.

@NewVancouverite So…I read back through some of your previous threds because, frankly, I was prepared to dismiss your concern about going from an A+ to an A- as simply absurd. However, in light of some of your prior threds and post, it is clear that there may been a bigger issue at play. So, as a mom this is my advice to you; if your school has a mental health counseling center, I would encourage you reach out to them as I feel a few counseling sessions might alleviate some potential concerns/issues for you. I am going to say that going from an A+ to an A- is going to have no tangible impact on your future potential or ability to get into medical school. What is going to have a major impact on your future is the pressure/anxiety/stress that you place on yourself and others. If you don’t take the time reign it now you are in for a tumultuous adulthood.

“You have to change the way you think because your expectations are unrealistic even for med school. Just because someone has A pluses in all their classes is no guarantee for admission to med school. Perfect grades are not a requirement for admission to med school. You approach is all or nothing meaning anything less than an A+ is failure which is very wrong. Please talk to your college/premed advisor to discuss realistic expectations because in reality life is not perfect.”

I know the requirements and I’m very much aware of the fact that so much more than GPA counts for med school admission and I’m in the process of polishing my C.V. accordingly with various activities. But GPA still IS one of the major things that count and not having a 4.0 or better is going to suck.

“not having a 4.0 or better is going to suck”

This is where you problem lies. I haven’t read your previous posts but just to inform you there are students with 4.0 gpa’s that also have no offers to med school. You have parents posting here giving you advise. At least be open to what people are saying here because they are taking time out to help you and are speaking from experience. If you don’t believe us post in the premed section of this forum where you can talk to parents whom have gone through the medical school admission process with their kids. Some of their children are in residency and others are entering fellowship. They will only validate what responses you have received here.

Another thing you mentioned that so far your classes have been a breeze. Great but you should expect to be challenged and the coursework is only going to get tougher. You really need to see a counselor that can help you deal with your issues now before they get worse and start interfering with your ability to focus on your studies.

If you are going to let an A minus ruin your Christmas vacation then that is your mistake because when you have a real setback you won’t be able to cope with it.

First and foremost, you allow a small pity party. It hurts when you don’t measure up to the standards you’ve set for yourself, and you’re allowed to mourn the realization that you’re not perfect. I strongly recommend some Ice Cream Therapy.

For a day.

Then you get on with life and realize that there will always be disappointments. They’re not always a bad thing-- they give you the incentive to grow.

If, up to now, things have been a breeze, that just means that you haven’t been pushed. To be honest, I don’t want a doctor who’s never had to scramble, never had to push himself. When I had breast cancer in 2005, it was only the third example of my kinds of tumor my oncologist had ever seen. I don’t want an oncologist who won’t push himself and learn about new and unusual things; I want one who can say he’s confident in dealing with something unusual because he knows how to push his boundaries. Does that make sense?

I can’t tell you how to get straight A’s. But I will tell you that the occasional disappointment is a good thing. It’s like a vaccination-- it hurts in the short term but it makes you stronger.

The reality is that life isn’t always going to be a breeze. Far, far better to learn resilience at age 18 or 19 than to have to learn it at 30 or 35.

Medicine is not all about textbook cases. I have a condition that most doctors don’t know how to treat and I have to see a specialist for genetic disorders who lives in another town because my condition is so rare. It took me over 20 years of doctor visits to find someone that could finally help me. As a doctor expect to learn something new each day with each patient you will see. Sometimes you are not going to have all the answers to solve their problems. The most important thing in your journey to becoming a doctor is to learn empathy for others because you will be dealing with patients from many diverse backgrounds and no one wants to go to a doctor that doesn’t listen to their issues or makes them feel uncomfortable. You have to have the gift of making people comfortable because dealing with illness is very stressful and lots of patients really stress out about having to visit a doctor. There is nothing worse then sitting in a medical office in a paper robe waiting for the doctor to knock on the door to come in.

Gain experience working with the underprivileged. Go volunteer and help serve others. It will open your eyes to what real hardships in life are and will make you appreciate what privileges you have taken for granted even more. Stay away from substance abuse. (drug use/weed - you mentioned it in a previous post) I mention this because medical schools may frown on this behavior.

When in doubt, start with facts. The average GPA for med schools in Canada ranges from 3.0 to 3.85 (http://www.mcattestscores.com/canadianmedicalschoolsmcatscoresGPA.html).

Many highly qualified students breeze through the first year of college without any trouble- and then the material gets harder- or requires different ways of thinking, of processing information. There are more likely to be problems that require 2-step thinking, applying the concept in a new way and then doing the calculation. Students who focus on the calculation, but not the application can have trouble.

Being disappointed that a life of not-too-hard to get A+ is over is fair, and as @bjkmom suggests, deserves some Ice Cream - type therapy. But if your goal is success, and success is defined as med school (and I’m guessing you want it to be the biggest name med school) +visa, then lift your eyes to the big prize. Going from an A+ to an A- is not ‘walking away’ from the dream.

You are clearly achievement oriented, very capable and super disciplined. You will probably study your heart out & do very well on the MCAT. My guess is that you will find the “polishing my C.V. accordingly with various activities” the harder part of your application, as it does not respond as easily to sheer willpower. The second order thinking will be important: not just that you executed x items, but that you engaged with those items and can express in some meaningful ways what you learned from doing those things and how they have shaped your ideas about a career in medicine (besides wanting the visa, the money & the prestige).

It is true that the first big cut for med school is on grades and test scores- but at this point your grades are not putting your application in jeopardy of being cut from any med school. Don’t forget the second cut.

Heh, I’m going from all A+ to mostly ‘just’ A’s. It may have nothing to do with your work, actually. One of my A’s comes from a prof who will not give an A+ in that course, no matter what; another (that isn’t officially in, but I’m assuming) is a result of about 3/4 of the class being bunch in the 90-100 range (A+ SHOULD either not exist or be for work above and beyond; if everyone is there, realistically we can’t all get A+'s).

You should realize that if you start off with a ‘perfect’ GPA, especially one above 4.0, that the only place for it to go is down. At my uni we have 4.33 = A+, but no one that I have found graduates with anything above a 4.2 (most graduate with 3-3.8).

And to answer question (2), I mostly work practice problems.