<p>DH is only comfortable with school in CA or OR. I am most comfortable with that too but not opposed to either girl attending Carroll (MT) or Trinity U (TX) if that is where they want to end up</p>
<p>Our family position has always been "something we could drive to and back in one day" which turns out to be 500 miles. For us, it is strictly a matter of finances, with some scheduling mixed in... just for added stress. With our twins, we said that the service academies would be fine too (other kids not especially interested in the SAs.). It has worked out well so far, except now DD thinks she wants to go to school in France. That's a little off my radar!</p>
<p>This thread has given me pause. I have been encouraging my son to explore schools that aren't so close (his no. 1 choice is two hours away; no. 2 choice is 15 minutes away!). But maybe how difficult it is to get in to and out of should be of greater concern, especially if it affects how often he'll come home!!!! Finances will drive the whole thing for us, truthfully.</p>
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Our family position has always been "something we could drive to and back in one day" which turns out to be 500 miles.
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<p>Be aware that this is a moving target, especially as you grow older.</p>
<p>Five years ago, I would not have objected to the idea of driving from the Washington area to Cornell and back in a day. Now, after having had a leg injury, I can't do it anymore. I physically cannot tolerate 12 hours in a car in one day. I wouldn't be able to walk afterward. In fact, when I do the one-way trip, the supposed 6-hour drive turns out to be about 7 1/2 because I need to get out and walk around frequently. Such is life as we all get further into middle age.</p>
<p>My son has his heart set on a college only 4 hours away. He was shocked when I told him the other day that he was NOT coming home a lot! He had to make his own life at school and coming home often impedes that. Downtime is when kids really connect. No matter if they are near or far, they need to find their own ways.</p>
<p>It is possible for a student to be quite independent even at a college near home, if both the parents and the student treat things that way.</p>
<p>My son will soon graduate from the University of Maryland at College Park, which is less than an hour's drive from our home. Some kids attending that college who live in our area go home most weekends. Some go home every single weekend because they have weekend jobs in their home towns. Some even commute from home, although the drive is horrible. My son chose to live a different way. He only came home occasionally for weekends, usually when he needed to shop. He even spent two Winter Sessions and one full summer living in College Park after he moved off-campus to an apartment with a 12-month lease. (He was doing constructive things on all of these occasions -- taking a course, TAing a course, or working on a research project.)</p>
<p>For those who want independence, as my son did, and whose parents are willing to not hover, as we were, going to college close to home need not be a problem. And on rare occasions, it can be a useful convenience. I am thinking here of the occasion when my son had a sudden, extremely painful dental problem that turned out to require root canal therapy. His home town dentist was very accommodating about fitting a long-term patient into the practice's schedule the same day, and it was not difficult for a family member to pick my son up and give him a ride to the dentist's office. Things might have been much more difficult if my son had been dealing with an unknown dentist in a college community far from home.</p>
<p>Depends: If you talking, time or gas (fuel money or air fare).</p>
<p>Our S is staying in the dorms of our local state U. It's about 15 minutes from here, and it was his number 1 choice. We know we'll see him every other week when he calls and says, "what's for dinner; I'm bringing laundry." And, he and his dad have instigated a lunch out once a week. But other than that ... we don't really know what's going on with him. We hear "news" ocassionally from others who've seen him at their homes hanging with friends who don't live on campus, and my D sees him at church (different service than us ol' fogies attend). It's kind of like a dolphin sighting ... by the time you're like, "where, where?," he's already gone. :) Not sure what DD's going to do; she's been looking at schools within 15 minutes (S's school) to 1500 miles away and everywhere in between. She's seen the level of independence we've allowed our son, even as he's live close by, and I think that's given her pause to reconsider the local school.</p>
<p>zebes</p>
<p>My D is attending grad school about 45 minuted from our home- she is very independent and her undergrad was 1500 miles away. She has enjoyed some of the conveniences of being near home- when she was sick, she stayed with us; if we are in her area we may meet for dinner; she has a weekend job near us and sometimes spends the night, does laundry, has dinner and a visit.</p>
<p>My younger D is very impressed with the way everything is based on what older D wants, we do not just drop in. I also think it is different for grad school when the student has already done the far away from home thing- we are reconnected on an adult level, not dealing with the 18 year old attempts at separation.</p>
<p>When I was making my college choice long, long ago, my parents got out the map and drew a circle around Philadelphia. I was to choose a college at LEAST 4 hours away! I wound up in Indiana- a 12 hour drive.</p>
<p>I never even considered a geographical restriction on our two kids. It was up to them.</p>
<p>Not very many colleges in my neck of the world. My sons were free to pick anywhere. They are both over 1,000 miles away. IN a 250 mile circle there is only 1 LOL.</p>
<p>I love it I get to visit different areas of the country just for fun. :)</p>
<p>Just read a post about someone who is a 5 hour drive from the instate flagship school, 3 hours from the neighboring state's. Putting driving time limits depends on the schools in that radius. Frequency of visits home depends on the campus and student, some, such as UW Madison, have few students leaving on the weekends, regardless of distance. Coming home for holidays and breaks, ie 3 times a year, sounds familiar. One consideration is the round trip time- parents making the trip to and from campus (students tend not to think of this when they want to leave home late in the day and wonder why parents want them to get going...).</p>
<p>Let me add this - if I had a child who had any medical issues or say, an eating disorder, or a history of depression, or even has always been a kid with separation issues - doesn't take to transitions easily - I would encourage that child to go somewhere that would be easy for me to get to in an emergency, or in a non-emergency, just to go out for dinner and quietly assess the kid's coping.
My bias is to get the kid away to foster independence, but I also think it is counter-productive to push a given child too far too fast, and if the child has chronic problems, it may be enough just to get them living on their own and beginning to manage their everyday life unsupervised.</p>
<p>Our D went to Middlebury and we live in Oregon. It was a tough 4 years with travel. Besides the expense it was 2 flights and a 45 minute drive. One spring break it took her 36 hours, an overnight in Chicago by herself, and 2 hours of mom on the phone with the airlines to get her back to college (due to a storm). Another winter it was that the plane diverted to a different city and I was on the phone with the taxi service arranging a driver to take her 2 1/2 hours to campus. Otherwise she had to sleep in the airport and take a bus in the morning. She fortunately found two other stranded students to drive with her. The thought of my 19 year old in a car for that distance in the very middle of the night alone on a dark highway with an unknown person.... Never again. Our S is in 11th grade and we have told him that he can go anywhere we can drive in 6 hours or so or one flight away. This could be NYC as we have a direct flight. No way are we looking at schools where he flies-transfers planes-and then drives to a campus. Maybe we are just too old, too poor- or too realistic!</p>
<p>Well, oregon101, we're about to embark on your "never again" scenario. We live in Oregon (southern Oregon, even, where there's not a direct flight to anywhere) and our son is going to Amherst. It's a three-plane trip to get there, well, to get to an airport an hour bus ride from campus. We have a friend here who has a daughter at Smith. She's already suggesting they fly back and forth together when the timing works out. If I had a daughter, I'd feel the same way. My son, I don't worry about so much.</p>
<p>But, yeah, if everything goes right it's a full day trip. If things foul up... well, who knows, but some airport sleeping will factor in there, for sure. I did it when I was young, too. It's all grist for the mill.</p>
<p>Still, I am thrilled for him. What an amazing opportunity. He's actually a thorough-going homebody, so it's interesting he was willing to go to a school so far away. But there aren't really any schools in driving distance from here that had the specific combination of things he was looking for. And his very best friends also have gone/are going a long way from home for school. He may settle in the East, I know that, but I think it's probably where he should settle given his long-tern interests... much as I'll miss him.</p>
<p>My daughter is thinking she'll stay in state, so at least there's that. And she's the one with the wanderlust, ironically. ;)</p>
<p>I'm not a parent but rather a HS senior looking at colleges... but this issue is really a concern when choosing a school especially in my case..
One of my choices is a school in NY while the other is 20 minutes away in CA.
They are both great schools but it's difficult to choose and your posts are super useful in how your children are dealing with living close/far. In my case, if I do go to NY, it's most likely I can only come back to visit once every two years because I know my family cannot afford to send hundreds of dollars to fly me home and back-- and maybe never for the next 4 years. That is, if I don't decide to go into a graduate program. ):</p>
<p>we too live in Oregon, In the Valley. S never had a problem in getting to the East Coast (pittsburgh). Always had to change planes somewhere. Never had to do an overnight in an airport. We count 20 roundtrips over 6 years. S started the trip in the mornings and avoided the afternoon flights. The only time we had trouble was in 04 when we stayed overnight in PDX for a 5 am flight-took us 4 hours to get to PDX because of the ice storm. Eventually we had to come back home and we shipped the kid off 2 days later.</p>
<p>We live in Colorado, D is a student in Boston. I wouldn't recommend the distance if money is an issue. We're lucky to have frequent flyer miles galore (H travels extensively for work) but otherwise, it'd be a huge financial commitment to bring her home as often as she's here. On top of the usual trips -- Christmas, summer break, etc -- we've had to fly her twice since January due to a death in the family.</p>