Let me preface this by saying, yes, I know this seems like a ridiculous thing to be focusing on considering the situation, but it’s the only thing that’s (seemingly) within my control at the moment and it’s keeping me sane.
In December, my younger brother was killed in a car accident. He was 14, and we were extremely close.
I’m a 17 year old junior. I took 2 weeks off of school after he died and then came back after the end of Christmas Break. For about a month, I came to school late nearly every day and could only focus for 3-4 hours at a time, and would come home exhausted but couldn’t sleep.
I caught up with all of my missed work in mid-February.
I used to be an excellent straight A student. I had several recommendations lined up, a 4.8 GPA, and was an active member of several clubs. Since my brothers death, I only held on to the three activities I cared the most about and have only remained actively involved in only one I actually enjoyed, which is theatre.
My grades have slipped significantly to low B’s and high C’s despite putting two or three times more effort in to school than I ever have. I’m looking at finishing with B+'s for three of my four courses (APUSH, AP Chem, and AP Calc). I had a mental breakdown mid March, and I’m still recovering from that. Most of my teachers seem to hate me, since my attendance and overall work ethic have slipped. I’m consistently performing poorly, and it’s driven me to become literally obsessed with my grades. My guidance counselor seems to be sick of me constantly coming in to her to talk about school and the stress it’s giving me, but it’s all I can think about. My principal said we need to be “realistic” about how many extensions I can actually receive now that we’re a few months away from my accident.
My friends have, rather smugly, informed me that with B+'s on my transcript any chance I have at the Ivy League is over (welcome to my incredibly competitive small town high school). I’m watching my future drip down the drain.
I’m left with this: a weighted GPA that should remain above a 4.0, but won’t be nearly as good as it used to; an active leadership role in my school’s theatre group, along with an encouragement from my director to do as much theatre as possible, as she believes I’m talented (I’ll be pursuing this idea over the summer); a leadership role in class council; a reasonable writing skill; and one guaranteed excellent letter from my sophomore year history teacher/junior year Sociology teacher/tennis coach. I got a 2040 on my first try at the SAT’s, and will be retaking them (this time the revised version) in June.
I’m not asking to be told everything will be ok, because I know it probably won’t. But at this rate I’m running myself into the ground and in a constant state of stress. I just want to know if my chance at any top tier school is gone. Will college admissions be understanding of the circumstances? If so, to what degree? And if there’s any similar experiences or advice anyone can share with me (although I will warn you, I have been told to relax a good number of times already) I’m more than willing to listen.
Again, I know it’s stupid to worry about this, but it’s all I have. I’ve always been a “smart” kid, and now I’m not. I used to have a little brother, and now I don’t. My entire life has been completely changed and flipped and I barely know which way is up anymore. I just need an unbiased outside opinion to help me set my mind at least somewhat at ease.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I look forward to hearing from you.
Stop worrying about your college applications. Focus on keeping your mental health straight. Speak with your physician, and your guidance counselor, and get some recommendations for mental health help outside your school. It is OK for you to need help right now, so ask for it.
Your future is not slipping down the drain. Hang in there. It will get better, but it will take time.
Upon rereading I’ve realized that this post is way longer than I thought. I made a few edits to cut it down but it’s still a lot. 
You can buy a lottery ticket, but any chance you have of winning is very, very low from the minute you decide to play. Focusing on “top schools” now seems counterproductive. Do your best and then pick colleges that fit your stats, not the other way around.
ETA: Oh, and I’m very sorry for your loss. Nobody in their right mind could blame you for your reaction to it.
There are literally hundreds of great colleges that you will be able to gain entry to. So stop obsessing about college entry. Stop also thinking that the Ivy League schools are the be all and end all. There are tons of outstanding schools that you don’t know about because you don’t know much about colleges or universities but those of us who know a lot know that there are tons of great schools. So as the other poster suggested, stop obsessing about this and continue to focus on things that will help you feel better and gain a perspective that will lead to long term postiive mental health.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be.
I’m a bit confused by the grades you discuss. Are they mainly B+, or low Bs and high Cs?
If you can get A’s next year and prove that you’ve bounced back, you might be forgiven for a bad semester, the reasons for which will be explained for your GC. I don’t know if this will make up for the grades at Ivies and other extremely selective schools, but I’m sure that many excellent schools would overlook that semester.
Another concern for Ivy-level schools is that a 2040 just isn’t high enough. With the new SAT, you’ll need at least a 1450+, preferably 1500+.
Start considering other schools-and that would be the advice I’d give you even if you had stellar grades that semester.
First off, I am sorry. I cannot imagine what you’ve been through. From what you’ve written, I think you’re doing pretty well, all things considered. Your grades have slipped, but not tanked, and I think a slip is grades is 100% understandable. You won’t be the first person to have a death in their immediate family who had an adjustment period and still got into good schools. Here’s what I advise you do:
Get through this year. Keep doing the best you can, taking every day one step at a time. If you’re not in therapy already, seek some out. It’ll help to talk to a third party for a while about all the turmoil you’re going through, and make it less likely you’ll need to share those feelings in the school guidance office or with teachers. Not that there’s anything wrong with that! But it may overwhelm them if you’re seeking academic guidance + emotional guidance… not everyone is equipped for that.
Use the summer to breathe and regroup. Do what you have to to go back into senior year on balance, ie don’t stress about an “impressive” summer activity or any of that. Use the summer for you. If you can get your grades up senior year, you’ll show an upward trend at the time of application. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it does tell the story of a dip following this awful thing, but then some recovery first semester senior year. The elite schools are NOT gone for you–if ever there was a reason for a fall in grades, this is it.
Consider writing your application essay about this–later, when you have a bit more distance. This is a fundamental life change for you that is shaping you as a person and would tell admissions a vital story to understand you. That said, it might not work (grief essays can go either way). Your feelings may be too raw; it may all come out too trite. In that case, use the space in the “additional information” section of the application to write a brief, fact-based account of what happened. Your guidance counselor should mention it in their letter as well.
You may want to revise your application list a bit so it has more matches and fewer reaches, but like I said I don’t think this will completely shut you out of the schools you’re aiming for. Do the best you can, tell the story if you can (your guidance counselor absolutely should), and above all focus on taking care of yourself.
Thank you to everyone already for responses. The tough love is also appreciated (no need to dance around the fact that these schools are borderline impossible to count acceptance on)
To clarify, the low B’s and high C’s are my general TEST grades, bringing my overall average down to a B+. I’ll be retaking the SAT’s, and with a PSAT score in the 99th percentile I’m hopeful that they’ll be better.
And also I assure you that the Ivies are NOT my only focus (though I doubt many would deny that they would be great to gain acceptance into), they just happen to be a goal I’d had for awhile that I rather quickly have realized the extreme difficulty of achieving. I do have other schools in mind.
I dont know if it would be feasible, but perhaps you should consider repeating this year?
or even better- transferring to another HS and repeating a year.
The third possibility, and this would apply only if your parents could afford it, is for you to move to a prep school and repeat a grade . Many HS kids transfer to those prep/ boarding schools and most require them to repeat a grade. So you end up taking 5 yrs of HS, but so what? You’ll be better prepared for college and be in a new environment away from those who cant’ wont sympathize with you or recognize the devestating blow you have suffered with the loss of your brother.
@natmadison, I am so sorry.
Can your parents get you a counselor outside school? I’m sure your GC means well, but she doesn’t sound like she can give you the help you need.
I’m going to give those smug friends of yours the benefit of the doubt; they may not know what to say and may be trying to caution you to be realistic about your chances of acceptances to Ivies. Newsflash for them: the Ivies are a reach for everyone. But don’t worry about that right now.
Tell your parents how you’re feeling. Ask them to help you create a game plan for the rest of the year and to help you work with your teachers and principal to stay on track. Twelve weeks isn’t a long time, especially for a teen, so I don’t know what your principal is thinking. Take care of your health first. The rest will work itself out.