Bull crud on that article! I’ve posted what were deemed excellent essays from JHU and Cornell kids and they all sound insanely edited helicoptered versions of what kids would write, but after reading my child’s essays I’m not so sure because it was pretty darn good (big fancy words etc). She didn’t need any of them lol (going to a school ranked about 500 in the country 32 ACT 3.91UW) lol.
All she did was take a “normal” word then look up similar one “synonyms dad a thes-orrrr-us thingy” to make it sound better and it was decent enough.
Here is a sample piece from a essay on the internet deemed excellent by JHU sounds pretty tweaked to me, but very well may not because my daughter wrote much the same way.
“Because engineering does not exist in a vacuum, a HOST minor will complement my work by helping me understand the sociopolitical, cultural, and ethical issues that drive scientific developments. Equipped with this holistic vision, I will be able to adopt technically-sound yet socially responsible methodologies toward the solution of different problems.”
“This biz of “if someone found it, they’d know it’s you,” completely misses a big point. It needs to be relevant. Not simly in your own voice.”
How many adcoms have said in presentations and external communications this message, write what’s important to you, not what you think is important to us. Are you saying they’re misleading or lying, when they say this?
We all know writing about your beloved grampa’s war exploits won’t get you far.
“What’s important to you” or “your voice” don’t change this to a free choice essay for your English teacher. Adcom-speak is generally positive and encouraging. But for top colleges, a lot of this is about how one thinks. That includes how they understand what the college looks for. Your voice, but the rght message.
I liked the Hamilton essay samples. I agree they seem mighty polished, exceptionally so. But I could see traits in there that strike a chord.
That may very well be what high school kids do when writing essays, but that is not the process for strong writing. No point in using a long or obscure word where a more common word means exactly the same. Rather, a good writer with a strong vocabulary will use the words that best convey specific meaning, tone or emotions.
And I don’t know about the source of the example essay for JHU (from the JHU site? or from some student who got accepted to JHU and thinks that is a good essay) — but in any case, that’s an example of meaningless technobabble rather than effective writing. A better version might be:
“I want to be a good engineer, and I also want to understand the social, political, cultural, and ethical issues that drive scientific developments. A HOST minor will help me reach that goal.”
Certainly, if I was a parent rewriting my kid’s college essays, that would be the end result – not the example quoted in post #100. (And, going back to the article that anchors this thread… “henceforth” may very well be the kind of “I’m trying to impress someone” word that I’d red pencil if a kid asked me to check their essay. )
The function of good writing is to communicate a message to the reader, not to obscure it.
I think many students get admitted to colleges in spite of weak essays rather than because of those essays – but then those poorly-worded essays get circulated as an example of an essay that won admission.
First that was a excerpt from a top essay and my example was just how a kid would use a word like “henceforth” and my reasoning for saying bullcrap to the article.
Just Google top essays or pick your college and add essay examples most sound like ultra edited, large word inserted, brag a thons, but they are dubbed GREAT.
“Because engineering does not exist in a vacuum, a HOST minor will complement my work by helping me understand the sociopolitical, cultural, and ethical issues that drive scientific developments. Equipped with this holistic vision, I will be able to adopt technically-sound yet socially responsible methodologies toward the solution of different problems.”
Without a doubt edited, if not, content provided by adult.
“…and Johns Hopkins University is the creamiest, tangiest, most flavorful hummus-tabouli wrap in existence.”
Seriously? "
maybe the adcom was particularly hungry and going to a Mediterranean place for lunch.
So, for blurbs like that to be considered excellent and then another person say “henceforth” proves parental help…our kids cant win. Too many goalposts, too much conflicting information, etc etc.
^ Dont go on what the link author said. Google her and see how she also sells herself as a dental school dropout.
Even NYT and WSJ have a lot of blank space to fill. Next to anyone can fill that space. It doesn’t convey any authority to be published freelance or op-ed there.
There are a lot of bright kids who can write well. And a lot who can’t. The good ones are thoughtful. And we get some credit for that. Not only teachers. Enjoy it. Don’t lose precious energy cuz some random gal says double spacing is a menace to their chances.
Oh, boy. NYT blows its own authoritative whistle again. In 5 years, they graduated 10 kids/year, with “mixed” college results. And if they ever had accreditation, they don’t now.
Of course, there’s falsification. Or a rosy glow put on applicants not so rosy. Happens everywhere. Or can.
It makes me wonder how well the adcoms knew Landry. It seems like the type of school they would have made an effort to visit.
Do the admissions number crunchers assess students at a later point to determine if some high schools’ students are more successful at “their” college? At what point would the track records of the Landry students be of concern to the college’s admissions department?
I think it only had a few years of history, and let’s face it, when some colleges give only As and Bs, you’re not going to be able to figure out success.
The top colleges do monitor how kids from various high schools do in college. Most, not in great detail. But for a program like Landry, small and seeming to produce great kids, yes, they’d take a hard look at how they fare. It’s big that they aren’t accredited. And that they’re run by folks with no education background. I have no idea where they even get their ideas of what gets a kid into a top college. It’s more than some back story.
Some tippy tops can afford to take a chance on an occasional kid, track them, work with them, on academics and other. But there’s a lot we don’t know about these Landry kids, other than the few the article focuses on.
The point of the article seems to be that the students were being taught pretty much exclusively AP prep, and then the school falsified transcripts and submitted fictional LOR’s. So on paper the kids looked like they had the stats, accompanied by seemingly compelling stories.
Junior year in a college level course, my child was told to use her own words and not the ones from the text. She was so hurt because those were her words. But this teacher seemed to have an issue with higher vocabulary being used at home and in her other writings. She just let the prof judge her and complained to me. Actually, I think that made her back down her efforts so she didn’t sound like she was plagiarising or using other’s words. Learning experience!
