Newsday: "Preparing too much?" The College Essay

Parent Cafe
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<p>In the latest installment in Newsday's series on the college application process, and the college quest of the seven Long Island seniors, the focus is on the pressure to produce a winning personal essay:</p>

<p>"Dane Scott, who heads an ethics center at the University of Montana in Missoula, doesn't quite know what to make of the college-application process. It encourages students writing essays to get help from parents, teachers and pricey independent counselors.</p>

<p>"What does it mean," he asks, "when a personal essay is written by a group of people?"</p>

<p>That quandary increasingly preoccupies admissions offices.</p>

<p>Fred Hargadon, former admissions dean at Princeton University, said his staff was skeptical of "contrived" essays.</p>

<p>People like Hargadon know that adults will help students with grammar and style.</p>

<p>Some don't mind courses such as "Essay Writing for College," offered at Oyster Bay High School, or even paid essay consultants.</p>

<p>But students cross an ethical line when someone else writes most of the words.</p>

<p>"Reasonable edits are spelling and brushing up grammar," said Bruce Poch, dean of admissions at Pomona College in Claremont, Calif.</p>

<p>"Unreasonable is someone else's substantial contribution of the idea and theme, or major revision into a polished piece from something less glossy," he added.</p>

<p>Some critics go further. "This is about access and equity and merit, and students who can pay for a coach have an advantage," said Lloyd Thacker, director of the Education Conservancy, an admissions-reform group in Portland, Ore.</p>

<p>William Conley, as admissions dean at Case Western Reserve University and now Johns Hopkins University, said those getting the most help "tend to live near salt water."</p>

<p>He said he meant the toniest communities of Long Island, the Connecticut shore and Los Angeles.</p>

<p>Gwyeth Smith Jr., guidance director at Oyster Bay High, recently chided a senior's mother: "That's a nice essay you wrote."</p>

<p>She smiled and denied it.</p>

<p>Smith noticed that the next version was rougher and more genuine.</p>

<p>Admissions officers say they recognize packaged essays for what they are.</p>

<p>Many still pass around the essay submitted to New York University that satirized the self-glorifying tone of so many applicants: "Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants," the student wrote.</p>

<p>"I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets...," the essay continued.</p>

<p>More than a decade later, Conley came across the identical essay from a different applicant.</p>

<p>"I thought, God, I've read that before," he said. He rejected the student. "</p>

<p><a href="http://www.newsday.com/news/local/longisland/ny-liside105010531dec10,0,188583.story%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.newsday.com/news/local/longisland/ny-liside105010531dec10,0,188583.story&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

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<p>First of all, many, many, many kids are accepted to top schools with essays that are group effort involving parents, teachers, counselors, essay classes and even professionals writers. So I don't even bother to listen to these supercilious adcoms who claim they can spot a packaged essay, because even if it is true, they are not eliminating the kids for the packaging. Yes, it is true that if the essay is plaguerized or totally contrived, it'll get the boot, but that rarely happens. The vast majority of essays do not make the difference in college admissions. When you look at the pure number of apps, the essays in the apps and the number of readers at a college and the amount of time they have to spend, you can see how much the essay is worth. There are kids who have an unusual story to tell, who are particularly terrific writers, and,yes, they may turn heads with their essays, but that is not a realistic goal for most kids and the convoluted efforts to reach that status is really pathetic at time. Better to just simply write the essay, and try to bring a personal side of you that may not come out in the app. THe truth is that most kids are not such standouts that they are HPY material, and there is nothing in the person that is going to get them into the school. Occaisionally there is something a school has that is unusual that fits a student in a truly special way, and,yes, that is great essay material, and if that poor adcom reading his 1000th essay catches the significance of it, the essay might make a difference.<br>
My son got into some schools that were true reaches for him academically with some horrendous essays. He got into an Honor College with a spontaneously written on line essay filled with incomplete sentences, grammatical and spelling errors that did not even answer the question. I have sincere doubt that thing was read and assessed carefully as the college claims.<br>
It is interesting to note that this year colleges have access to an essay truly written by the student. Since he is stuck in a classroom with only his pencil and the testbooklet, without prior notice of the topic, the SAT1 Writing essay is the work of the student. People complain that it is not a good sampling of kids writing, since many can produce much better writing with time to research, think, rewrite,etc, but the time also can be used in obtaining help, which is also what good, motivated writers wanting excellence in their writing will seek. I would be interested if the schools will take the time to compare the polished essays with the rough hewn one which woud measure the spontaneous state of mind of the applicant being faced with a topic to write about and limited time. After all the verbal and math sections have the same limitations in assessment in that a careful, deep thinking kid has a disadvantage due to the time limitations fo the test. When you lift that time restiction, man, watch those scores sky rocket!</p>

<p>I agree that there are kids and families that are overstressing regarding the essays. But it is the colleges that have created this frenzy by overstressing the essay.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
That quandary increasingly preoccupies admissions offices.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>lord, I sure hope so!! It would drive me nuts. If they are reading a fantastic, stirring piece of prose I hope they are wondering if it was written by the student, or a committee, or a highly paid professional. </p>

<p>I have heard parents state, without a hint of irony or embarassment, "I wrote the Yale essay, he (husband) wrote the Harvard essay."</p>

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<p>First off, a quick "bravo" to cptofthehouse.</p>

<p>The WashDad family rule is that the Local College Advisor (WashDad) will sit and talk with Junior about how to approach a certain prompt. We go back and forth on the topic and then he goes off and writes it. WashDad Jr is a very (very) self-confident young man and usually rejects most of dad's suggestions, and writes about as fast as a lichen grows on a rock, but eventually he will grind out a draft. The consultant (dad) will point out various grammatical tragedies and perhaps suggest some extra adjectives ("e-x-p-a-n-d -- you aren't being charged by the word"). The rule is that dad doesn't write, and son gets to decide what goes in and what doesn't. Since son is not overly-prone to listening to parental advice (trust me), this works for us.</p>

<p>As for the product, the worst essays Jr has written are the ones where he was forced to write on topics he has no feeling for. His best essay -- by far -- is where he was basically asked "why do you want to be an engineer?" Straight out of his heart, first draft, it was terrific -- funny, passionate, and insightful. He still has a few applications to send (my heart, my heart), and I'm really tempted to suggest that he ignore the prompts and just send this essay to all of them. (Full disclosure, he did incorporate something I said when I heard the topic, "Son, you don't want to be an engineer, you HAVE to be an engineer. I can't imagine you doing anything else.")</p>

<p>WashMom has her own parental cross to bear, by the way. Junior's high school requires a SENIOR PROJECT (you can hear the capital letters whenever a school employee talks about it), and mom is the Chief Nudger for the project and the Level Five essay requirements (you don't want to know). Inscrutably, Junior can't use his Eagle Scout service project for his SENIOR PROJECT because, a) the project has to involve learning a new skill and all Junior did was manage a team of volunteers in building 700 feet of trails in a public nature center, and b) Junior committed the sin of doing this as a sophomore. "SENIOR" projects have to be done during the school year when you are a senior. So, doing some computer programming counts (his actual project) but building a nature center doesn't. I have nothing else to say.</p>

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<p>WASHDad, you are right on target. It's kind of like being a midwife. You can help coach, you can tell the kid to push a little harder or push in a different direction, but ultimately they are the ones that have to birth the baby. :)</p>

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<p>I remember sitting with S and asking if he had decided on a prompt and an approach. He proceeded to outline an approach I would never have considered. It showed me not only was I entirely superfluous, but that he was ready for what lay ahead. It was one of those magic moments.</p>

<p>A relative who is a dean at one of those salt water area schools told me they have a faculty committee that actually reviews and offers suggestions on all student essays, with some essays going through as many as 12 faculty reviewed revisions. They have an excellent record of Ivy placement.</p>

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<p>My D wrote all of her own essays, but her english teacher "helped" with editing the long essay for the common app. The first draft that my D wrote was very good but needed a little polish. The final version was grammatically correct but liveless and boring. I wish she never had the help.</p>

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<p>
[quote]
A relative who is a dean at one of those salt water area schools told me they have a faculty committee that actually reviews and offers suggestions on all student essays, with some essays going through as many as 12 faculty reviewed revisions. They have an excellent record of Ivy placement.

[/quote]
My kids have discovered that once admitted to college, students are expected to write essays and research papers on their own. I feel kind of sorry for the kids whose schools or parents took over that process for them along the way.</p>

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<p>WashDad, your approach is the one I would like to have taken, but my son has steadfastly refused to let parents get involved in the college application process AT ALL. Five of eight applications have already been submitted, and I have not read or discussed a single essay, or checked over a single application for completeness or accuracy. I'm not bragging about this, mind you; it terrifies me. However, his position is that he is the one potentially attending the college (or not, as the case may be), and the admissions committee wants to see his work unadorned. Frankly, I think he is naive and does not realize that few students applying to the kinds of schools he has in mind are going it alone. This kid is a very strong student, so I have forced myself to laugh about it, but he got deferred by a top choice this week, and needless to say, I wonder if I shouldn't have tried harder to convince him that we could be of some service without crossing ethical boundaries.</p>

<p>I should note that his AP Lit class this year, and his AP Lang class last year, did have the students write a few practice college essays, which were graded and commented upon by teachers, so it is not as if he has had no guidance at all. (None of the practice essays were used for his college apps, I'm told.) Mom and Dad, though, have not been allowed to "pry, help, look over his shoulder, run the show for him"--etc etc. Whatever college takes him will get exactly what they think they are getting. I hope admissions committees are actually as good at spotting authenticity as they think they are, and grant a few points for independence. </p>

<p>One other note. I did see a draft of one Univ. of Chicago essay long after the application had been submitted. I picked up a crumpled piece of paper from under his desk while emptying a trash can and discovered his description of himself as a mathematical function. It was a riot, but the writing was not perfect. I'll be honest, I would have felt like it was cheating to smooth out the rough edges; as it stood, it was clearly the work of a smart, creative 17-yr old, complete with blemishes.</p>

<p>Are there any other parents out there who have been completely hands off?</p>

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<p>Midmo, a deferral generally is not the result of a bad essay - it is more likely a decision by the ad com that they would like to (a) see mid term grades and (b) see the rest of their applicant pool before making a final decision. It means that the kid looks like he is a strong applicant to their school, but he is not so strong that they want to tie up a slot by admitting him early. (If they hated the essay, they'd reject him, not defer him.) Probably in most cases the essay makes very little difference; most likely it is the borderline cases where a compelling essay gives a kid an edge, and where a particularly poorly written essay may mess things up for an otherwise strong candidate. </p>

<p>My daughter was deferred last year by Chicago, admitted in the spring. She had submitted a very irreverent, humorous essay with her initial application, along with humorous answers to the short-answer questions, so I suggested it might be a good idea to show her more serious, academic side. So she submitted a supplemental essay -- which simply was a copy of her common app essay -- and also a graded writing sample. </p>

<p>If your son's draft essay looked like the imperfect work of a smart, creative 17 year old, I don't think you have anything to worry about. That's what the colleges want to see. I think that its great that your son has taken complete control of the process.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the encouragement, calmom. With regards to the deferral, I'm more concerned that he forgot to mention awards, prizes and accomplishments than that he submitted a really lousy essay, to be honest. </p>

<p>I think it is great that he is independent, but it can be trying. I felt like I had won a major war when I got him to show up at the photographer's studio for senior pictures, and he even got a haircut.</p>

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<p>You could help him by simply making up your own list of the awards you know about, then giving him the list or emailing it to him with a note saying you had just done that in case he wants to review the list to see if he has forgotten anything. If he chooses to ignore the list, so be it. He knows what is important to him, and that really is all that matters.</p>

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<p>The only thing that would concern me about your son, midmo, is if no one is proofing his essays and his applications. I think it's great that he's so independent, but every writer needs an editor -- if only to find typos and mistakes. Just about every college info session we went to repeated that infamous story about the kid applying to their school who raved about a city that a different college was in. It's so easy to make mistakes.</p>

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<p>Midmo, </p>

<p>I did not want my parents reading my college essays. I let them read two (each was only for one school), but I kept the essay I used for most of my schools away from them. One of the essays they read was just so someone could proof it; I wrote it before dinner and was sending my application out that night. The other one started out as a school assignment that I got very positive feedback on, so my mother asked to read it. The main essay they didn't read touched on a topic that's sensitive in my family, and futher, I'm just not a huge fan of my parents reading any of my more personal writing. Thankfully, I have always been a strong writer, so my parents didn't make it a big deal. They also knew that my English teacher at school (who was also my college advisor) has a PhD, so the person giving it a read through could give solid advice. As long as someone trusted is reading his essays first, then I think he's all set. As for the rest, my parents' participation in writing applications was limited to me asking them the years everyone's gotten their degrees. I don't see why he'd be reluctant to let you read through the informational sections, but I'm sure he's fine. If you are worried, tell him, but in the end let him make the call.</p>

<p>I was deferred from my EA school, too, and later waitlisted there, but I was accepted at many places, including with merit aid at a top-10 school (that I now attend). Deferral doesn't affect his chances at any of his other schools, though it may feel that way. If you were confident and comfortable before, there's no reason for that to change. I'm sure it will all work out fine.</p>

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<p>My son has done all his own work (what he's DONE of it!), but he does let us check for typos. He writes better than I do now, so I wouldn't want more input than that, even if I thought it was ethical which I don't. I don't mean it's unethical to toss around ideas before or during writing. Nothing is created in a vacuum, but I am appalled by the idea of 12 faculty members helping a student "write" an essay.</p>

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<p>Never even read son's essays. It saddens me that kids or parents would feel so much hinges on the essay - even if it does, I don't think that's a reason to take over the process from the student. </p>

<p>I would no sooner give extensive help to a child writing an essay than do their breathing for them - if you can't do it on your own, you need more help than I can give you and most likely should not be at that college. That's a novel idea that people forget in the stampede to the selective colleges. I think there's also a backlash - any student going through that kind of vetting process should rightfully doubt their ability to do the work and get along on their own. </p>

<p>I LIKE the SAT writing because of the over-working of essays. It's not perfect, but I would hope readers hear the same voice in the essays that comes through in the SAT sample. At least it's available if admissions people have questions about authenticity.</p>

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<p>sly vt,
Son and four friends had an "essay reading party" in our basement where they all proofed each other's essays for major mistakes like mentioning the wrong college or city. Talk about the blind leading the blind. Anyway, I heard a good deal of laughter as they discovered what each guy thought was important about himself (girls already know these things, but not my son and his guy pals). Then they put the essays aside and had a LAN party (I think that is the term!). Truly, I think their attitude is healthy, but the cost may be that they prove themselves at so-called second tier colleges rather than the super-selects that are accustomed to highly tailored applications. Then again, it sounds like more students have exerted their independence than I thought, given what the parents on cc relate, so maybe their home-made style is not so rare after all.</p>

<p>corranged,
My son is a private person also, and that has much to do with his reluctance to let us proof his essays. Last year he had an English class assignment that involved writing an autobiography. That just wasn't going to happen; instead he wrote a blistering paper on "intellectual voyeurism". Fortunately, English teacher has quite a sense of humor, and was very impressed with his independence/bull-headedness, whatever you want to call it. By the way, I believe you attend the other EA (and co-#1) school that son has applied to. He is awaiting word this week. He is too busy studying for finals in the university courses he is taking this semester to be worried or excited about it, so I am taking over for him. </p>

<p>Lefthandofdog,
I agree with you about the SAT essays. Unlike others, son found scoring on the essay section to be consistent with his other writing accomplishments. He took the SAT I twice. In both cases, the essays were 10/12, with scores of 5 from all four readers. The overall writing score was similar, 800 and 770. I took a peek at the scored essay (do not tell son I know how to access the SAT site!) and the essays were completely illegible, in my opinion. I don't know how anyone grades them without getting a migraine.</p>

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<p>Good luck to your son, Midmo! This is a stressful time of year; just wait for April 1!</p>

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<p>I totally agree with lefthandofdog. My philosophy is that if my child cannot write an essay worthy of a particular school, then s/he doesn't truly belong there. What could be a worse hell than getting into an elite college due to the help of various professionals, only to suffer a major crisis of confidence once you arrive and are surrounded with kids brilliant enough to have gotten in all on their own? And now you have to actually do the exact same work they are doing--without help from mom or the paid writer. While I confess I have worried about the advantages some privileged applicants have which my children don't, the concern is not great enough to risk crippling my child by causing him to doubt his ability to write a very good essay completely by himself.</p>

<p>I also like the SAT writing. The converse of the aforementioned hell would be having to sit in classes surround by dullards who paid their way into that elite school yet lack real spark or intellectual curiosity. So many kids today are over-managed academically. All work and no play makes Jack a very dull boy.</p>

<p>I do wish, however, that colleges would focus more on academic writing for the main essay, since for the most part that will be the type of writing students will have to do in their college courses. I never remember having to write a single essay in college that resembled the ones on the applications, and I was a liberal arts major who took a lot of English classes. Freestyle creative writing could still have a place in the short answers and supplements, whch would give kids the opportunity to show their personality if they choose.</p>

<p>Just because a kid can't write an interesting, unusual, or quirky essay about himself does not mean he couldn't excel at a top college. It also does not mean the child is not a creative thinker. Freshman S was just appointed associate editor of his college's undergraduate law journal. He is an excellent academic writer with a highly analytical mind, but the freestyle creative writing he had to do for college essays was sheer torture. The essays were grammatically correct and technically well-written, but pretty boring. The good thing is, that "creativity" deficit hasn't hurt him one bit at college. Now if he couldn't write academic and analytical papers, well, that would be a HUGE problem!!!</p>

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<p>Call me old fashioned, but I agree with the last two posts. I wouldn't have dreamed of helping my son with his essays - this was his application and he needed to own it in its entirety. If after thirteen years of schooling my children are incapable of writing and editing their own essays for content, grammar and spelling, then the schools they are applying to need to see this. No wonder so many employers are appalled by the lack of writing skills of their new hires; if a student had essay "help" in their application process and attends a school without an intensive writing requirement, they will never learn the necessities of proper written communication.<br>
As a parent, I want the colleges to view my childrens' essays in light of what the professors will expect and to determine if the ( potential) skills needed are there so that they don't start out sinking before they even begin this new academic journey. IMHO, I wouldn't mind seeing the requirement of a signed pledge regarding the essays stating that no help was received, but I doubt that will ever happen. I realize that my view is probably extreme, but it seems to me that this whole process, SAT prep classes, private counselors, etc. is just further separating those that can afford from those that can't.</p>