<p>My kids refused to apply anywhere they couldn’t see themselves attending. If that meant excluding a particular category of schools (LACs for S1, Ivies for S2), that was OK by me. There were some favorites among their lists, but very few that would have left them disappointed had they not been accepted. They focused their essays on those particular schools, which probably helped them at those schools, but not so much at others who likely read them and thought, “He is a perfect match for XX,” where XX = one at the top of the list.</p>
<p>Favorites did not correlate to ranking and infinitesimal acceptance rates, though there were a couple of mega-reaches on both of their lists. I was really thankful they did not view those schools as “acceptance-or-bust”, or “matriculation-whether-I-like-it-or-not-because-it’s-ranked #X” mentality. They took the selection and application processes seriously. After reading about kids who fought with parents every step of the way, I REALLY come to appreciate how the guys owned and navigated the process.</p>
<p>"helping your kids find a good place for them both academically and financially is not “owning the process.” </p>
<p>No, HELPING them is not. I would think MOST parent would want to HELP. Surely they’d set financial guidelines, location suggestions, etc. But making the entire list and having the kid choose from that? THAT, I would call OWNING it. There are so many types of schools, and places, and student body make up, clubs, local interests, etc., that I don’t think anyone BUT the kid would think of all that might or might not influence them.</p>
<p>I’ve seen whole groups of kids whip out their smart phones to Google some topic-it’s second nature to them. I’d be shocked if a kid of this generation had no interest in looking up their own parameters for colleges. </p>
<p>I look at the schools younger D has in mind for my own information, but she is doing all the looking. We talk about what she’ll need to get there-or not-and go from there.</p>
<p>DS was never interested in researching schools. Early in the process of determining what size school he wanted, we visited a school that was having a program day in the summer. He really liked the school. He liked it so much that he really didn’t care to look anywhere else. </p>
<p>I knew money was an issue. He knew it, but didn’t want to waste his time looking for alternatives. Once he narrowed down the list of what made that school look so great, I did a ton of research to find alternatives in case this school didn’t deliver financially. We also required at least one state school option. He applied enthusiastically to a lot of schools known for good merit aid. In truth, if he had bothered to own the process he could have cut the list in half. He simply felt he had better things to do than research online. </p>
<p>He didn’t want to own the process, and he would have been scrambling if the money hadn’t come through.</p>
<p>For us, we approached it as a family the way we do other things as a family.<br>
I’m the major researcher and scheduler. My H and S did the actual college visits. </p>
<p>We had the “on the list or off the list” quick discussion after each visit. I presented some schools which my S nixed right off, no visit, “off the list”.</p>
<p>His choices were narrowed to 2, his choices, and only those 2 got revisited for accepted students day. I pushed for an overnite at one of the schools (the one he is at).</p>
<p>And like bethievt, I had the time. I enjoy the process and the researching. Now, I am helping my friends with their children’s college lists.</p>
<p>I did extensive research based on my oldest kid’s interests, location preference, school size, etc… and came up with many schools for her to review. I also helped her create a prioritization method so that she could have some way of providing me with her Top 5. </p>
<p>Of course, finances usually plays into this process and my oldest got a tuition waiver to one of the state schools she wanted to attend (it was #2 or #3 on her list of Top 5). That’s where she is going next year. I really wish I could afford to send her to the other schools but, again, money played into the situation and she knew the minute we got the tuition waiver letter that it sealed her fate.</p>
<p>Isn’t it fun Lakemom? Like being a matchmaker. So many parents don’t have time to help their kids with this. GCs are overwhelmed too. Looking outside one’s geographical area seems to be a big hurdle.</p>
<p>I think all levels of helping (depending on the kid) is normal and expected. Boys seem to want/need/accept it a bit more that girls from what I can tell and personalities play into it. </p>
<p>For my friends who presented their child with five colleges they would pay for (out of the literally thousands and thousands possible), well that seems like too much. The irony is that their kids are such great people and I doubt they would have made a bad decision or choice on their own.</p>
<p>Allowing a child to only apply to a few schools is hard to comprehend. We would never let our children make an uninformed potentially life altering decision.What happens to the kid whose parents allow them to apply to 3 schools and they get rejected from all 3???</p>
<p>As others have said, every family and every student is different. What works/makes sense for one family doesn’t necessarily work for another, and what worked for one child may not work for another in the same family. YMMV…no one should be condemning or shocked by anyone else’s process.</p>
<p>For us, we’ve started much earlier with D2 and S (current HS sophomores) on the college search than we did with D1, based largely on all the good info we’ve learned from our time on CC. As parents, we’ve defined the financial framework that we can afford and any school that falls within that framework is a possibility. Like many families, we can’t pay anywhere near our FAFSA EFC so the availability of merit scholarships is something they need to factor in. Parents and kids have each been working on lists of potential schools and occasionally comparing notes to start forming the “final” list, and they are fully aware of the 11th Commandment…“Honor Thy Safety”. Planning for IS campus visits during spring break this year, and OOS visits during spring break of junior year to allow them time to whittle down the list to a “logistically possible” group.</p>
<p>Applications/essays/etc. will be their responsibility, but we’ll monitor timelines and deadlines to make sure they’re on track. We’ll proofread essays if requested, and provide advice unless requested not to. </p>
<p>Personally, I think the best method is a combination/fusion of idealism and realism. How each family makes their own “college chili” is just about as varied as personal preferences for…well…chili.</p>
<p>Well, thanks to this thread, I asked d’14 if she thought I was being too pushy (I keep asking her to pick schools she wants to go visit). And I asked her what kind of school she was really interested in. Did she want to go far away? Somewhere warmer? Florida - home of Mickey Mouse? Did she want a super competative school or did she want to be closer to the top of the academic heap? </p>
<p>Anyway, it was a decent conversation. Thanks, OP, for starting this.</p>
<p>My parents were barely involved. The only say they had was nixing a college if they felt it was too far from home and would rack up travel expenses (for example, I was not allowed to apply to NYU Abu Dhabi, Stanford, or Rice.) however, after that, they didn’t even know what schools I was applying to and just handed over their credit cards for the application fees. Neither knows much about the college process so they left it up to me, especially considering that it is my life.</p>
<p>^^ There was no condemnation.The shock will come when kid has to take a gap year or go to local CC because parents allowed a teenager to make a dumb decision.</p>
<p>Bethievt- Since you enjoy doing this- My D has been agonizing over this decision, because no school seems to “fit”…My son is at Penn and she is not sure she there is a big enough sense of community there. Middlebury is great, but isolated. Georgetown has mixed reviews on the social environment. I think we should spend time at different schools talking to people. We saw Tufts and BC in the summer and did not see one student. Any ideas?</p>
<p>I helped research schools to visit and my S ultimately decided whether or not to apply. Only applied to one school he did not visit. Hence, yes I played an important role in selecting the schools to visit but did not have much of a role once the application process commenced.</p>
<p>Back when older D was a junior, I arranged a spring break trip with a wide variety of schools…public, private, big, small, urban and rural. Honestly, D had no idea what schools she wanted, but this trip was great. I compiiled the list more to see different types of schools than exact schools. From the trip, D knew she felt more comfortable with a small school, and she loved a rural feel (immediately ruled out urban schools). This trip led to much focus on schools that met her criteria, and she found her dream school. She applied ED and got deferred, which resulted in a brief panic, and she applied to several more schools that were not on her list. She ended getting into her dream school RD and is an ecstatic junior. Looking back, we laugh at how many schools she applied to as a result of the deferral. </p>
<p>With D2, it was a much easier process. She knew what she wanted, and she made the list 100% on her own. I think a lot depends on the kid. Having an older sibling helped D2 immensely, as she lived through the college application process and learned a lot. D2 ended up taking a full ride scholarship and couldn’t be happier. She wants to attend grad school, and with the money saved on undergrad, we will be able to help her.</p>
<p>rebel11…Sorry if you thought I was referring specifically to your post. That wasn’t my intent. I was simply stating that one size doesn’t fit all when it comes to the college planning process. I agree with you completely that parents should be involved in the process, but some would disagree.</p>
<p>I guess in a perfect world, we’d all have the financial wherewithal to allow our kids to apply to as many schools as they’d like and attend any school to which they’re admitted. In those “few and far between” cases it probably doesn’t matter if the parents get involved or not. Unfortunately, we all read too many postings on CC from students or parents who find themselves painted into the exact (or similar) corner you talked about. Whether it’s “I’ve been accepted to my dream school but can’t afford it” or “I’ve been rejected by all the schools I’ve applied to…what now?” it’s hard to imagine that many of those cases couldn’t have been avoided with a more informed and cooperative process between parents and student.</p>
<p>Well, paint me as one of those super-involved parents that probably shocks and appalls many. Other posters have said it right. Depends on the family dynamic, the kid, and the limitations. We had a big cost constraint, and we live in Texas, which is huge, geographically. She wanted mechanical engineering, so the short list is fairly…well, short! Has to be a state school, has to be in Texas or Louisiana, has to have a reputable engineering program. I made her a spreadsheet with 5 choices, took her on campus visits, helped her research online, and she picked from the list. I think she picked well. There wasn’t any danger of her not being accepted. She was automatic admit to any of them.</p>
<p>Hi Wolverine, No problem. I think sometimes my skin may be a little thin. I just want people to know that they need to make smart choices or else they could make a big mistake.</p>
As parents, we’ve defined the financial framework that we can afford and any school that falls within that framework is a possibility. Like many families, we can’t pay anywhere near our FAFSA EFC so the availability of merit scholarships is something they need to factor in. Parents and kids have each been working on lists of potential schools and occasionally comparing notes to start forming the “final” list, and they are fully aware of the 11th Commandment…“Honor Thy Safety”. Planning for IS campus visits during spring break this year, and OOS visits during spring break of junior year to allow them time to whittle down the list to a “logistically possible” group.</p>