How is my essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Assignment:
Should people choose one of two opposing sides of an issue, or is the truth usually found "in the middle"? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Every single day, we have to make decisions. Some are made carelessly, and some thoughtfully, but we always have to choose between ‘x’ and ‘y’. However, if instead, we can not make up our minds, we opt for the average of x and y, or in mathematical terms, x+y/2. With this result, neither do we as a society get the full benefits of x, nor the positives of y. Examples of this point can be found now, and in the past.</p>

<pre><code> In the early days of World War II, the Allies were fighting a losing battle. Germany was successfully waging war with their Blitzkrieg tactics ( lightening attack), and had already conquered France, Austria, and many other European powers, with England remaining. As America had decided to stay neutral due to public opinion being very much against war, America was forced to use the ‘Cash and Carry’ act to try and provide much needed supplies to China and the U.K. While America was being neutral, Had America been less passive, and actually entered the war, Germany might not have gotten so far into Europe, and many disasters could’ve have been averted, such as the Holocaust.

    Another, more recent example can be found in the recently passed Public Health Care bill. Towards the beginning of the negotiations for a bill, it was made clear, that the majority of Democrats supported a Public Option for Healthcare (a system in which the government directly pays for healthcare) and that the Republicans supported a federal tax credit, so citizens could go out and privately buy their own health care. However, due to a lot of mudslinging and misinformation, after many months of negotiations, it was still not settled. Finally, due to there being a majority of Democrats in both congressional houses, somehow, a ‘watered down’ version of the bill was passed. It did not have a Public option, as the Democrats desired, nor did it contain what the Republicans wanted. This left both sides feeling dissatisfied, and it did not accomplish the primary objective : to reform healthcare in America.

    For these reasons, not choosing a side, and remaining in the middle, no matter how well intentioned, can actually lead to hurting your cause, not helping it.

</code></pre>

2

<p>this essay cannot be written in 25 minutes
this essay cannot cover 2 pages, it’s at least 3 pages of small hand-writing.
essay must be the first braincomings, like sketch. But your essay is prodigious and enormous.
This essay is non-debately 12/12, but …^^^</p>

3

<p>When I read this essay I had a feelings that this essay is written by politican or scientist, never by student.</p>

4

<p>

It’s definitely possible; remember AcademicHacker’s Guide?</p>

<p>

Why do u feel that? I can safely see it is written by a student who put effort into the essay.</p>

<p>I would give it a 9 or 10 out of 12, maybe an 11, since it lacks a fully developed/long conclusion, and the reasons should be developed more, since you are, in essence, using only 2 reasons. Good job though, with a little more practice, you could sure score 11-12. </p>

<p>Also, Read this: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html&lt;/a&gt;
It produced many positive results.</p>

<p>EDIT: Actually, your reasons are developed well, but I think you should add another strong reason/strengthen your conclusion.</p>

5

<p>

This essay is perhaps, 400 words, which is quite achievable in not only under 25 minutes but also under 2 pages. It is not however, a 12/12.</p>

<p>Vision17: Your thesis is good though I don’t understand the logic behind using a mathematical analogy if you aren’t using mathematical examples, it just makes your introduction seem a touch strident.</p>

<p>You provide strong knowledge of examples and your use of specific details is pleasing. You do not need any more examples, instead, you need to link your examples more strongly to the prompt and your thesis. Too often throughout your analysis I am left to infer its relevance. </p>

<p>Nonetheless, everything else is sound or done very effectively. </p>

<p>This essay is a bit harder to score as it does not really answer the prompt: Should people choose one of two opposing sides of an issue, or is the truth usually found “in the middle”?. Based on this I’d say this essay could score anywhere between 7 and 11.</p>

6

<p>lol the mathematical analogy is kind of random</p>

<p>I also agree with Bak0rz in that you need to provide more analysis on your examples in linking them to your thesis</p>

7

<p>he just copied wikipedia, that’s it. but this essay is 12/12 if close eyes for several factors that I wrote above.</p>

8

<p>Thanks so much for your advice and critique!
I really appreciate it :slight_smile:
I’m actually just entering 9th grade, but I have asian parents who are big on studies, so here I am. </p>

<p>I didn’t use wikipedia, it just happened that I’m a bit of a news junkie, and I followed the health care debate a lot. </p>

<p>I also like to write, so its a good combination :)</p>

<p>I’ll keep on writing, thanks again :)</p>

<p>Oh, and Suleyman, I happen to be a girl, thank you very much…</p>

9

<p>That’s a well-written essay. However, I do suggest that you write a stronger conclusion. Try to reiterate your thesis in that. And I hear that using the word ‘indeed’ really helps. (Indeed, taking an unequivocal stand helps…) I don’t know the credibility of this, but yes, sounding confident, and emphasizing your viewpoint in the concluding paragraph really, really helps. After all, examiners have only a couple of minutes to go through your essay. It’s not very impossible that the examiner might just rush through your essay, and read only the introductory and final paragraph.
:)</p>

10

<p>It should be (x+y)/2. Ahhhh!</p>