<p>Essay Prompt :</p>
<p>Do you think you have ever had such an important impact on someone that he or she would write an essay about you? Have you had such an impact on more than one person? Who are these people? What would they say about you in their recollections? </p>
<pre><code> Throughout my life time I believe I have spreaded my greatness to people around me, whether it’s to a friend or family member. In our society today I think the young crowd always looks up to the older crowd because the young crowd needs someone to look up to. Many times people tend to learn from others and follow in their footsteps. These people we meet throughout our lives can put a positive or negative impact on us. Throughout my journey to success I think I have made a positive impact on my family and friends.
I think I have put a positive impact on my cousin Tatyana. The fact that I am four years older than my cousin it feels like she would always look up to me for help. My cousin and I attended the same school and we always motivated, inspired and encouraged each other throughout our journey in grammar school. As far as I can remember in 6th grade I attained good grades and good remarks from teachers. It seems as if since I was younger my motive has always been to achieve good grades so I can, make my parents and family proud as well as either make the scholars list or honor roll. My daily routine was to always do my homework before I did anything else. For instance my cousin and I would always go to my grandmother’s house after school. After school we would complete our homework and study for our tests and quizzes. On one particular day my cousin was struggling with her math multiplications and started getting emotional, teary eyed and felt like giving up. In my grandmothers household whenever we do math we couldn't use a calculator we had to learn our multiplications by hard. Since I knew my multiplications I helped her with them and told her many of my strategies when she came by a problem that was hard for her. Ever since then from helping my cousin with her math homework though out grammar school, I am currently now in college and she is in high school and she knows she can always come to me for help.
Throughout my life I think I have put a positive impact on more than one person. In my opinion I have put an impact not just on my family but at work as well. From working at my job for about a year I have met many nice, friendly coworkers around the same age or slightly older than me and we have developed friendships and I think they look up to me as a role model. From me being the understanding and compassionate person that I am I found that at times when my coworkers have problems they would always come to me for advice. For instance, I remember one of my coworkers and a customer got into a misunderstanding. It was clear to me that the customer was in the wrong, but because my job has a “the customer is always right” policy my coworker tried to reason with the customer, but the customer was in a up roar about the fact that my coworker didn't know where an item was. Then the customer started calling my coworkers names and demanded she see the manager. My coworker then did what she was told and immediately got the manager but the customer still wasn't satisfied and walked out of the store fussing. After the situation my coworker came to me angry and looked like she gotten very sensitive after the situation. Then she told me she couldn't deal with the job anymore and what made it worse was the fact that the manager seemed like he was more on the customer’s side. That’s when I told her “don’t worry about it, sometimes people have bad days and want to ruin yours, so toughen up little solider.”
If the people I have impacted in my life would write a recollection of me they would give me a lot of good remarks and as well as they would say positive words about me. My cousin would say I am always there to help someone no matter what they need help in. My coworker would say I am someone anybody can talk to and I always give them the right advice in there time of need.
</code></pre>
<p>Well, why don’t we start with the grammatical errors first?
As trivial as it may appear, college admission offices often degrade their view of an applicant if there are any errors in spelling or grammar.</p>
<p>For example, spreaded should be spread, and “there time of need” should be “his or her time of need”, as anybody is singular. There are other various outstanding errors in your essay, so go through and proofread it a few more times.</p>
<p>Although you posit some personal arguments, my critical advice is to step back from using “would” and to take a more solid and affirmative stance in your statements. The concluding sentences could be rephrased as such: “If those whom I have influenced throughout my life chose to reflect upon their experiences with me, my hope is that I will be perceived as a student, an athlete, etc…, but more importantly, a lifelong companion and friend. My cousin recounts the most painful and stressful days of his/her life, and remembers my gentle and caring consoling. My coworker sees me as someone to whom he/she can confide his/her fears and anxieties. Throughout my entire life,…” You get the point- your conclusion must be decisive and make a statement to your college office, not a flurry of “well, he or she WOULD say this” or “my friend really THINKS this”. Make sure you express your true nature here as well. Let them know what you want to be seen as a prospective college student, and more importantly, as a graduated future adult, therefore the: “my hope is that I will be perceived as a philosopher, a connoisseur, and a civil rights activist, but more importantly, as a true friend”.</p>
<p>Finally, try to vary your sentence structure a bit- make your essay have some more flowing craft and style, so that it ends up sounding a lot more euphonious to the reader. Pour your years of high school essay-drafting and writing into this, and try to adapt and learn from some nice “stream of consciousness” or personal memoirs from classical literature.</p>
<p>If you are already in college, is this a class assignment?</p>
<p>Either way, you can refer to your ‘greatness’ that is just too full of yourself. You will have to find another way to put this. </p>
<p>After you put your thoughts on paper, you need to edit each sentence. One at a time examine each for grammatical errors. You have a lot of them.</p>
<p>Hey @BipolarBuddhist I redid my essay? Does this sound better and this is for my English college assignment</p>
<p>Hey @BipolarBuddhist I redid my essay? Does this sound better and this is for my English college assignment</p>
<p>Share your Greatness throughout your Journey to Success
There are times in our lives that our greatness will someday show to people around us. Throughout my life just being around positive people has made me a great person who inspires, motivates and encourages others around me, whether it’s to a friend or family member. In our society today I think the young crowd always looks up to the older crowds because the young crowd needs someone to look up to. There are many people that know they can always count on me, talk to me or confide in me for help. Throughout my journey to success I think I have made a positive impact on my family and friends.
I think I have put a positive impact on my youngest cousin Tatyana. The fact that I am four years older than my cousin it feels like she would always look up to me for help. My cousin and I attended the same school and we always motivated, inspired and encouraged each other throughout our journey in grammar school. As far as I can remember in 6th grade I attained good grades and good remarks from teachers. It seems as if since I was younger my motive has always been to achieve good grades so I can, make my parents and family proud as well as either make the scholars list or honor roll. After school my cousin and I would go to our grandmother’s house for the rest of the evening until our parents came from work to pick us up. At my grandmother’s house we would complete our homework and study for our tests and quizzes. On one particular day my cousin was struggling with her math multiplications and started getting emotional, teary eyed and for a moment felt like giving up. In my grandmothers household whenever we do math we couldn’t use a calculator so it was tough when it came to memorizing our time tables, we had to learn our multiplications by hard. Since I knew my multiplications I helped her with them and told her many of my strategies when she came by a problem that was hard for her. Ever since then from helping my cousin with her math homework throughout grammar school, she has always looked up to me for help. For instance, when my cousin was in her sophomore year in high school she took Advanced Algebra with Trigonometry, and she struggled in the course every other week. The course was so hard to her she wanted to drop the course. I remember telling her, “Taty It is far too easy to feel defeated or depressed when things get difficult, even though many things may come hard to you don’t give up on it.” I explained to her when it comes to math, it does not come easy, it’s a skill and you just have to keep working hard. She experienced the most difficulty in memorizing the laws of Sine, Cosine, Tangent and Cotangent. However from the many math strategies I know from taking Trigonometry in high school I told her them. They she fully understood the laws of Sine, Cosine, Tangent and Cotangent. Her understanding was so great that she received an A out of the course.<br>
There are many other people throughout my life I have put a positive impact on, just by being there for them in his or her time of need. In my opinion I have put an impact not just on my family and friends but on my coworkers at work as well. From working at my job for about a year I have met many nice, friendly coworkers around the same age or slightly older than me and we have developed friendships and I think they look up to me as a role model. From me being the understanding and compassionate person that I am I found that at times when my coworkers have problems they would always come to me for advice. For instance, I remember one of my coworkers and a customer got into a misunderstanding. It was clear to me that the customer was in the wrong, but because my job has a “the customer is always right” policy my coworker tried to reason with the customer, but the customer was in an up roar about the fact that my coworker didn’t know where an item was. Then the customer started calling my coworker names and demanded she see the manager. My coworker then did what she was told and immediately got the manager but the customer still wasn’t satisfied and walked out of the store fussing. After the situation my coworker came to me angry and looked like she gotten very sensitive after the situation. Then she told me she couldn’t deal with the job anymore and what made it worse was the fact that the manager seemed like he was more on the customer’s side. That’s when I told her “don’t worry about it, sometimes people have bad days and want to ruin yours, so toughen up little solider.” From that day moving forward my coworker knows she can always come to me for advice. This makes me feel that I am someone she can trust and always confide in me for help when she is put in a difficult situation and needs someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on.
If those whom I have influenced throughout my life chose to reflect upon their experiences with me, my hope is that I will be perceived as a good person. My cousin recounts the most painful and many stressful day of her of struggles with math, and remembers my gentle and caring consoling. My coworker sees me as someone to whom she can confide her fears and anxieties. If the people I have impacted in my life would write a recollection of me they would give me a lot of good remarks and they would say positive words about me. My cousin would say I am always there to help someone no matter what they need help in and my coworker would say I am someone you can trust, confide in for help and I am always there to give the the right advice in anybody’s time of need. </p>