My Two Cents of Advice for College Personal Statements/Essays- For Students and Mentors

College Essays
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<p>Greetings. I am new member to the site and have only posted twice on the forums. First of all I want to provide a little background on myself so you know where the information is coming from. I have been fortunate spend many years teaching, mentoring, and conducting research at a large public research one university (think Go Bears) and have had the honor of getting to know many thousands of students, the majority trusting in me with their own stories, backgrounds, struggles, and successes. I am hoping my posting(s) on these forums will be useful to some as I truly believe the process of higher education is a CULTURE, with its own language, customs, rules, etc. and for those individuals (like me) that did not have access to others (family members, etc.) that went to college and could pass down this info that I and many others had to learn on the fly…well, I hope some of these things I write will help you avoid the some of the potholes I fell into. With this out of the way, here is some advice on college entrance essays (and pretty much any personal statement essay ex. scholarships, etc). Please note- this is for “personal statements” and not “statements of purpose” (which are looking more for your professional/research/project goals/etc. and less personal)</p>

<p>First of all, please try NOT to read other personal statements to guide you. These will only confuse or worse yet take you farther away from you OWN personal story. Someone may say to you- this essay got this person into the best college/university. However, I can tell you that it was not their essay but rather their whole package that got him/her admitted. I like to use the analogy of a car. Think of the essay as a pair of rims/wheels. They can be absolutely beautiful chromed out shiny wheels that look fantastic. But the question is- do these wheels look great on EVERY car? Sometimes they may look awkward and outright silly on certain cars. Thus, the essay needs to COMPLIMENT your entire package (grades, test scores, extra-curriculars, etc.). It may not be the biggest, shiny, etc. wheels but that is NOT the point. You need to put together an essay that reflects your entire package of who YOU are as an applicant, passionate individual, and scholar. </p>

<p>When working with students I often see a lot of time spent on each individual sentence trying to write the absolute perfect line. And/or students telling me that they are completely stuck because they have so many things they want to write about with such little space.
*Here is my approach and just one suggestion- Get something refreshing to drink, grab a notebook and pencil/pen, go find someplace comfortable (outside or inside) and WRITE an AUTOBIOGRAPHY (your life’s story). Don’t worry about spelling, length, language (ex. If there is cursing that is okay), what THEY want to hear, etc. Basically, think about YOUR life and just write down the MOMENTS that mean the MOST to YOU. Once completed you may have quite a large piece of work. Many of my students come to me with up to 30+ pages of hand-written double sided sheets of paper. The next question often refers to the mix up of ideas and lack of cohesion. This is where a close mentor or advisor can come in to help OR you can try on your own. Personally, I read the Biography and look for THEMES. Although a student may write about 20 different experiences there is often a single theme that runs through why one chose a particular activity. Whether it was wanting to work in a particular area or with a particular group of people or seeing commonalities of the feeling one receives after accomplishing a particular task these themes begin to stand out although the activities may be extremely varied. In addition, one begins to see the personal experiences/background that have shaped the student’s ideals, foundation, and often what led them to choosing these particular activities in the first place. I find it an absolute HONOR when a student asks me to work with them on their personal statement as I am able to learn their very intimate and personal stories. This is something I take very seriously and with extreme confidentiality. When choosing someone to work with please keep this in mind as well. Also, try to keep the number of people helping you to a minimal as the varied opinions may often lead to confusion and stress. When the essay is towards completion I then recommend students show it to a larger pool of readers/supporters. Everyone has their opinions and there no right or wrong. Most importantly, the writer needs to feel comfortable and they can honestly say that essay represents them. </p>

<p>The next step is to begin to pull out some of these themes and/or to ask the student to expand on certain activities. For example, an essay may include a description of events and I often ask how they felt during the experience and what they have learned afterwards. Sometimes, you see a student writing about a parent, guardian, grandparent, etc. and it seems like they are telling their story and not their own. The process takes quite some time but the exercise goes far beyond putting together a strong college essay. It is truly taking the time for an individual to STOP trying to reach a specific goal (get into college) and to begin to think about their past, current trajectory, and what is driving them to move in this particular direction. I apologize if this is getting too impractical but my experience has shown that this process helps a student beyond the application to include potential interviews, choosing a major, how their peers will or will not be a source of pressure, etc.
The process equally becomes a conversation allowing the student to express their motivations, personal passions, etc. in a time when there is so much pressure to just keep pushing forward and not to look back.</p>

<p>One of the FINAL steps is grammar. I am not saying this is the least important as you would NEVER want any misspellings, etc. but you do not want this to impede any ideas/flow/passions in ones writing. </p>

<p>The VERY LAST step is the “feel test.” After reading the final iteration ask the student or the student must ask themselves if this truly feels like them- If it encapsulates who they are. I must iterate that this does not mean it has to be their whole story from infancy to present. It could be discussing a single incident and how this particular event impacted ones life personally and professionally and again what they learned/how it has changed them, etc. </p>

<p>I apologize if this is at all confusing as I wrote this from memory and on the fly. I guess my take-home message is that there is NOT a perfect essay out there that one should use as a guide. Also, putting together a college entrance essay is does not necessarily follow a set of rules that you need to implement. Rather, one should use a few guidelines and in the end the right essay is one that feels it is an honest portrayal of the author and offers a glimpse into his/her character, who they are, what are their goals, and why. Personal statements are exactly that- Personal. Also, remember, it is not all about what YOU hope to gain from the school but think about what you can OFFER. How may the school benefit by having you. It could be as simple as your unique personality but it makes you think about what you want to get out of the experience as well and are you willing to get out of your own comfort zone to go get it. IF you have any questions at all please feel free to add it to the thread and I will do my best to get back to you in a timely manner. Also, please add to this topic with your own insights and opinions. As I mentioned there is no one right way to go about this and this is just something that I have used with some success and everyone has their own ways of trying to capture what we all want- to know ourselves better. Best of luck to everyone out there. </p>

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<p>Apologies as I forgot to add a few more things that have come up in the past. </p>

<p>For many students the idea of discussing something negative (poor grade, struggle in a particular class, year, etc.) is something to avoid with the thought being one does not want to emphasize mistakes. I agree with that statement. HOWEVER, if there is something on one’s record that needs to be explained please do not pretend it is not there or hope one will miss it. It will be looked at and worst of all, if you do not explain it, then the reader will make their own judgements. Again, the goal is not to list one’s problems/mistakes/etc. but to use this as an opportunity to explain what happened and again MOST IMPORTANTLY how one was able to overcome and learn from it. </p>

<p>Another common issue that comes up with many applicants (especially from difficult backgrounds) is that they DO NOT want to bring up or discuss any difficulties/obstacles/challenges as they do not want anyone to feel sorry for them and only want to be judged by their merits (grades, test scores, etc.) like “everyone else.” I completely understand that as I was one of those individuals that hid many personal difficulties in my essay. All I can say is just tell the truth. IF one had to take a job to help out the family and was not able to participate in extra-curricular activities and still maintained a 3.0 GPA despite all the challenges and obstacles…that is a student that I think is extremely hard working and dedicated. Do not think of a hardship as being seen as a sob story or looking for a hand out. You are telling the TRUTH and being honest about one’s situation. In addition, as I mentioned before- if one of the reasons one is looking to attend college so they can be in a position to help others…Well, by reading one’s story, I (we) are able to see the reasons behind ones motivations. I often get the question of comparing two individuals with different GPAs or standardized test scores. Or a person may be upset that another individual was admitted despite having a lower score, etc. I would like to add the following example into the conversation.
Lets say you have Student A that has a 3.5 GPA, lots of extra-curricular activities/internships/etc. Then there is Student B that has a 3.0 GPA, little/no extra-curriculars but had to work 25+ hours a week to help their family pay for the bills. Which student is the harder worker? Now, I am not trying to say one is better than the other. Rather, the importance of telling ones whole story both the good and the bad. In reality, Student A will get into a wonderful school. However, student B may never get the chance if he/she does not provide some information on their life beyond Grades, etc. I understand this is a very touchy subject and extremely personal, but I wanted to approach it as I see it as such a large barrier (not wanting to seem like needing help or someone feeling sorry for them. Again, I just want to emphasize that you are NOT asking for any special treatment. Rather, you are just telling your honest story and explaining how you go to where you are and hopefully the reasons you want to go and pursue a specific career that has special/personal meaning. Hope this helps and please, with all types of advice, take it as just that- advice.</p>

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<p>Thank you for taking the time to share your advice. I happen to agree with a number of things shared above, and disagree with just a few elements. </p>

<p>I will not dissect the post to highlight the areas for which I hold a different opinion, but here are my few comments.</p>

<p>Inasmuch as I think you meant to write that essay has to COMPLEMENT and not COMPLIMENT the rest of the application, this is important. It also means that the personal essay should NOT rehash elements that are covered in the application. There is no need to discuss grades and curriculum as it will simply represent an opportunity lost to show angles that are not presented by the applicants, teachers, or GCs. </p>

<p>I agree that it helps to drop notes about you in a binder, but I would not necessarily want to compose an opus from which to select sections. The personal essay does NOT have to be a comprehensive and introspective review of your life. A better alternative is what I call a small slice of life. An anecdote that only YOU could share. A story that you would tell to your best friend on the way to grab a pizza or a football game. In so many words, an essay that is about you and not about facts or someone else. And the process to find a subject should not be hard. </p>

<p>Further, and unless the prompt specically asks for the Why School YYZ or what your future plans are, there is NO need to state them. Schools do not expect teenagers to have a firm idea of what they want to do; the college essay is not a personal statement for graduate school.</p>

<p>Lastly, and most importantly, make a special effort to ABANDON the attempts at sophistication, at deep intellectualism, and self-absorption that try to impress the adcoms. Nix 2/3 thirds of the adjectives, and you might still have too many. Unless one is truly amazing, such essays rarely work at most schools (except for the handful who still cling to the pseudo-intellectualism of teenagers) and turn out to be the worse of the genre. Keep the style simple, be yourself, and do not try to pass for someone you pretend to be!</p>

<p>PS As far as special circumstances such as disadvantages, health issues, unusal grades, please realize that you can “enlist” teachers and counselors to “explain” them. You can work with them and even suggest drafts. It works a lot better than the option to explain it yourself and avoid the trap of offering excuses. Again, do not waste your few essay slots with elements that can be covered elsewhere. </p>

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<p>Thank you for correcting my spelling mistake. Yes, I meant to write “complement.” My apologies. I guess it is obvious I am a biologist :slight_smile: Thank you again for adding to the thread. I agree with all your additions and suggestions.
Just for clarification- When I mention autobiography it usually just frees an individual from over thinking or trying to write the oxymoron- perfect rough draft. Usually, the word autobiography merely simplifies a stressful process when one sees such a small box to fill out. Personally, I always like having more info and widdling (sp?) it down to its essence. Also, it gives an opportunity to look for those themes that often come up in the various activities one seems to enjoy and dislike.
I absolutely agree that a student need not know what they are planning to study or major in (unless they are specifically applying to a school/dept. of engineering, chemistry, etc. and not going in undeclared (each college/university is structured so differently). I do like to get a feel why a student is interested in going to college and what they hope to gain and give back from the experience.
It is such a “personal” project and I hope we are able to offer some guidelines (not a how to) for approaching such an important part of the application.<br>
Thank you again for your thread and in no way do I disagree with your comments and insights. I hope you do not take any offense to my additions. </p>

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<p>I just read my original postings and have to apologize for the poor grammar and wordiness. In the future, I will provide the information in a more concise and structured manner. I hope one can still retrieve the suggestions/guidelines from the above threads and find it useful. </p>

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<p>No need for apologies. It is usually bad form to correct spelling mistakes in a forum such as this one. Especially when the “corrector” makes plenty on his own as … yours truly. I tend to forget entire words! :slight_smile: I only brought it up to avoid a confusion between the two terms. I thought that someone might read “compliment” as an indication to discuss the application contents in the essay. </p>

<p>Your suggestions were very helpful! Hope you keep adding new angles onto them! There are no universal truths and no single paths to success. I enjoyed reading your posts! </p>

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<p>This is very helpful. My son is a junior and in this summer will be attending an essay workshop. I’ve heard that it is not a good idea to write about experiences that were associated with events that “turn off” the reader because those experiences were enabled by circumstances that most kids don’t have. for instance if my family travels to pretty unusual places because of parents’ jobs, we are not supposed to write about it even though it has had major influences on his decisions to pursue geosystems or environmental sciences. The advisor said readers will focus more on “how did he get to the Himalayas or Soweto or the Maldives”, rather than on the topic which is how his interests were shaped. We’ve even been told to substitute those places with local parks and areas in the essay.</p>

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<p>Leyland, I don’t know that this thread is the right place for your particular situation but I would want a refund from those idiots. IF your parents move around for their jobs and you move with them, then that is simply he circumstances of your life under with you have to operate, better or worse. It is ridiculous to try to ignore that experience and I find that very poor advice. If this exposure then influenced what you want to study that would be something interesting that you got out of such a life. That is a very different situation from the privileged student who is sent to exotic places in order to have something to write about in their college essay–the travel essay which is the current cliché people warn to avoid. </p>