<p>I have a senior this year. It has most definitely been an interesting year so far...lots of transitions. She began the year extremely fearful of what the future held for her and her classmates. She seemed almost paralyzed with fear at the thought of leaving the safety of her small LAC, the prospects for the future seemed dicey to her at best. She couldn't imagine living in a new city, alone, in an apartment, etc. She kept asking us "how do kids do that?" It was upsetting, I spent a great deal of time worrying about her.<br>
Around October things seemed to change. Slowly. She started speaking more positively of the future, and finally making some plans, etc. She decided grad/law school was definitely in her future, but she wanted to work for a year or so first. She started to make comments about things she needed to save for her apartment, things she wouldn't need, things like that. I was encouraged. She started job hunting via the internet at least, and researching post grad programs.
When she came home for Thanksgiving, she told H on the way home from the airport that she didn't want to spend the next 4 days talking about her next step, but that once she got home for Christmas she would answer all of our questions and give us the skinny on what she was thinking, and the direction she was heading. Everything seems to be falling into place.
I have noticed SO much growth in the last few months, such poise and maturity, I am thrilled. She is 'ready' I believe.
Does anyone else have any thoughts. anecdotes, etc. about the trials and tribulations, ups and downs , fears and excitement your kid(s) experienced senior year of college?</p>
<p>D took a year off after junior year, so many of her friends had graduated the year before ( although we did go for graduation).
Senior year, she had a roommate for the first time- in a 2 bedroom townhouse across from her school (considered on campus housing). That was fun for her I think, they had a great time cooking and entertaining, even though both were swamped with their thesis.
Since she was so busy, we didn't hear from her much although I did send her sister down during breaks at least once to visit.
She was happy to be back in Portland, and she likes it so much she still lives there after graduation. :)</p>
<p>A big theme was what was going to happen with those long-term college relationships. Our kids are serious people who treat their partners seriously.
One broke up in the Fall of senior year (after several years together) because they realized they didn't want to make post-college plans together. The other decided to stay with the relationship, which meant she was very involved with all of his ups and downs as he applied to graduate school. </p>
<p>D decided to take a gap year between college and grad school, because she's a year young and had actually wanted a gap between h.s. and college, but couldn't take a gap AND have ED. We didn't fully understand how much she didn't want to go directly to grad school, so kept pushing on her to apply during senior year. That was a big mistake, and we didn't really comprehend her non-plan until January. Now she's learning a lot in her first post-college year, just doing several part-time jobs, rented an apartment with others she didn't know, signed a lease, pays utitlity bills, is learning a new city. She gets to do illustration and drawing work without being graded on it, which is a big change. </p>
<p>It's great that your D is taking the reins and wants to tell you everything in a focussed way. Sometimes the career centers have workshops and advice clinics available to help kids define their next-step employment goals if they haven't done so by senior year. I know another college senior who job-shadowed a special education teacher during her academic break and knew instantly this work was for her, so applied to a two-year masters program in teaching of autistic children. Until autumn of her senior year, however, she hadn't a clue what she'd do for work.</p>
<p>Ahh yes, the next step. We are hoping to have some discussion of this issue over the Christmas holidays and get a feel for what direction S is thinking. He too is not interested in jumping immediately into grad school though has indicated a MS would make him more marketable in his area. We get the idea he is interested in working for an environmentally related non profit. (Any suggestions, especially in CA or OR?) Did anyone's kids take the GRE their senior year with the idea of not going directly into grad school?</p>
<p>We are also dealing w/the BF issue. D is also young for a senior, not even 21 yet! Her r/ship seems to have taken on a somewhat more laid-back approach this year, as they are both so busy. He is a jr., and I was afraid she might limit herself to the general area of her present college. But they seem to be relaxed and know that they both need to do what's best for themselves right now. At least that's the vibe I'm getting. D wanted to take a gap yr b/w HS and college as well, but it just never happened.<br>
We also realized we weren't listening to her fears, and her need to have some time after this year. It took awhile to realize we had to back off. One mistake we now sadly realize we made that may have added to her anxiety was 'teasingly' telling her she was "off the payroll" come June 2008. She took this quite literally, feeling as tho she had to have rock solid life defining plans, or would be living under a bridge somewhere. We stopped saying that, lol, and explained to her that we would always be here for her, but fully expected her to be ready to pay her own way, whether it be thru a career type job or a series of small ones to pay apt rent and continue on her journey. But we have her back. Funny how some things seem so simple and funny, even true, but kids see it quite differently!</p>
<p>As I'm far closer to the status of the college seniors than that of the parents...</p>
<p>I was excited about the future, applying to grad schools and jobs. That said, I was worried that I would end up having to leave the Boston area. It takes a long time to build yourself a life, a home, a support network. When you're struggling through a killer school, you don't always have time to experience it to the fullest. The work/life balance just isn't set up that way. I was upset at the thought of having spent all this time building myself a life and a community, only to have to abandon it before I could enjoy the experience of living in it under more balanced life circumstances.</p>
<p>I ended up getting a job in the Boston area, so this became a moot point.</p>
<p>For many kids, taking a year or three off between college and grad school is the right thing; I wouldn't call it a gap year per se-- it's called "life" at that point. And I'd argue that for many, taking the time away from school at that juncture is more important than the time between HS and college. For many kids, college is not optional-- it's a given that they're going to go. But grad school? They might change their mind on the field (or subfield) they want to study. Or, they might realize that although they're interested in the subject, they aren't interested in any of the jobs it will lead to. I know too many people who went to grad school and now work at jobs they could have gotten without the advanced degree. </p>
<p>I think parents' tendency is to push a kid toward more schooling, but really, the motivation has to come from the kid, and they have to know exactly what they're going to accomplish by attending a given program.</p>
<p>I agree Irene. I think unless the kid has a very specific plan in mind that makes grad school an immediate must, the exploration is priceless.</p>
<p>We'll be having more discussions over Christmas with S. He took the GRE this fall, and I think is applying to one grad program. He also talked about taking a year off to work, then apply to several grad schools next year.<br>
I thought this was a good plan until last time I spoke with him, he indicated that "worse case" scenario, he could come back home, work his former part-time job and hopefully pick up another part time job. I just see this as delaying his growing-up process, and would hope that he would get a full-time job somewhat related to his field of study.
I'm trying to think how I'm going to approach this conversation so that I don't put him on the defensive. Any suggestions?</p>
<p>We actually suggested our S take a year or two before applying to grad school, because we felt he wasn't gathering information in a serious way, but was making the decision to go straight on mostly out of fear of getting off the academic moving walkway. We also thought he would be a stronger candidate for a PhD program if he found a way to get some research experience, and picked up a few more courses, since he's changing fields. But he is in the process of applying. We told him the next stage of education funding was up to him, which he intrepreted as meaning he needed to be self-supporting right after graduation. </p>
<p>On the other hand, we urged our daughter to go on for grad work straight from college. She, of course, took a job instead (and was fully self-supporting), then four years later went back to school, in exactly the field (teaching) we thought she was a natural for and had urged her to consider earlier. It had to be her own idea.</p>
<p>So, I don't think parental urgings really play much of a role. (Or maybe our kids ignore us more than most?) If you are footing bills, or providing housing, it's reasonable you get a say. If you are not, they will figure it out.</p>
<p>stlmom -- I think your S may be giving you a "worst case" scenario to prepare himself in case nothing else comes through for him. It's scarey to think there is no fall back position. The fact that he put it as "worst case" suggests he doesn't really want to come home and take his old job, and I'm willing to bet that if he doesn't get into grad school, he will find some other plan.</p>
<p>I think all of our seniors would see coming home jobless as failure. Even if it is temporary. If this happens, I think a target date for moving on might be helpful to all involved. Especially if like us, you live in an area that offers absolutely no job opportunities for recent grads, or even many jobs that could even pay the rent. I'm thinking the fear D has of having to come home to a town she is not fond of, that is in the throes of economic depression is a HUGE impetus for looking hard for a job in a city she chooses.</p>
<p>^^Nikrud, I understand the points you're making but will say that both of my older 2 needed the summer right after graduation to come home, work part-time at nothing much professional, and just rest, recharge and re-enter the working world in early September.</p>
<p>There's a rhythm to it. Their peers who are going directly to grad school don't expect much of themselves during the summer, either. They travel and chill. Then when they start emailing each other in August about moving to their grad schools, the ones intending to work get serious and start planning a move to another city with serious job plans. </p>
<p>They also sometimes need the summer to apply for the jobs, which are hard to pin down from a distant campus. Much easier from your home in the summer.</p>
<p>I think it's perfectly fine to invite them home for the first summer after college to take stock of themselves, and then move on from a position of rested strength. For us, it worked that way twice.</p>
<p>^^Thanks, paying3. That was a comforting post to me. My D is in her last week of finals and really doesn't know what she will be doing next, besides moving to a bigger college town half an hour away from her smaller town that has become a little boring. She has been in college for the last year solid, with only two months off in the summer spent studying for the MCAT. She is pretty exhausted overall and I think she does need a break. She will finish up a research project that she will submit for publication with her professor and then look for a job in health care. She has applied to med school and now must wait that out. Her attitude about the future? Worried. Me too.</p>
<p>I am so glad to read about all of your kids who will be working "a year or three" (as someone put it) before taking their next educational step. Our oldest D will graduate in May. If things continue as they have, she will graduate with a 4.0, with honors in her department, and with honors from the university - we think she is just tired of being in school after 17 years! We had really been pushing her to continue on to grad school or even consider law school until one day she said, "Well, I've decided I don't want to waste your money or my time until I decide what I really want to do". </p>
<p>After thinking about it, we came to the conclusion that that was a very mature decision. We were looking at it as sort of a "failure" or "deficiency" that she wasn't going on right now, when many of her "not as high achieving" (for lack of a better description) h.s. friends are heading on to med school, law school, grad school. D graduated #1 in her h.s. class, was class president soph through senior year, 3 X national debate qualifier, state tennis qualifier, etc. etc. We took her decision to stop after getting her undergraduate degree (for now) as "not living up to her potential". We have reconciled ourselves to her decision, but really hope this job thing doesn't become permanent. My head tells me that working awhile is a good thing, but I am embarassed to admit that my gut wishes she would just continue on now. </p>
<p>She did a great internship last summer where she made lots of good contacts and plans to send letters to those people after the first of the year (several of them specifically said to contact them when she was ready to look for a job). She doesn't want to stay home for the summer and wants to start working asap after graduation.</p>
<p>Regarding the long term college relationship - D and her college boyfriend became engaged. He is in graduate school at her university and a great young man. We think D is too young to be engaged (and even more so married), but she is over 21 and that is also not our decision. We also worry that being engaged and married sometime in the (hopefully distant) future will negatively influence her decision to return to school. We really hope it doesn't!</p>
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We also worry that being engaged and married sometime in the (hopefully distant) future will negatively influence her decision to return to school. We really hope it doesn't!
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<p>I don't mean to be a clueless jerk, but why would you think this would happen? If she has kids, I can understand that negatively influencing her decision, but marriage...is the problem the possibility of relocation? If being married would really prohibit her from relocating, there are many reputable distance programs in various fields, as well as on-campus programs at universities that don't require relocation.</p>
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We took her decision to stop after getting her undergraduate degree (for now) as "not living up to her potential". We have reconciled ourselves to her decision, but really hope this job thing doesn't become permanent.
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<p>If it's a good job with potential for development and advancement...what is wrong with working rather than being a student? She might even be able to do both once she decides to return to school...many companies provide some level of tuition reimbursement as a benefit. This is the route that I am taking. Even if that's just too much and she goes back to being a full-time student, many grad programs look favorably on more mature students who have spent time working, and she will have money saved up from working that will allow her to live with greater financial security than most grad students do.</p>
<p>? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?.
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<p>jessiehl - I was just being honest about all the thoughts and feelings that have been rattling around in my head since she decided to get a job and not continue her education at this time. Relocation would be a must if she decided to pursue her graduate degree and I don't think marriage would stand in the way of that, per se. Our concern (H and I) was getting married, settling into a routine, etc. might put continuing her education on the backburner if even for the simple fact that you have another person to factor into your decisions.</p>
<p>We also agree that many grad schools (and law schools) prefer or at least do look favorably on the student who has some work experience. We just believe that an advanced degree opens a lot more doors than stopping with your B.A. and hope that she will continue on. Doing so with the help of an employer would be great!</p>
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We just believe that an advanced degree opens a lot more doors than stopping with your B.A. and hope that she will continue on.
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<p>It can, but it's not a panacea. I don't know her field, but in some industries, PhDs are considered overqualified for most jobs, and if they don't manage to get the ones that are geared at them, they'll have trouble getting one in that field at all, or in a different field that takes the same attitude. And there's a finite number of decent academic jobs.</p>
<p>Master's degrees are vastly useful in some fields (e.g. most branches of engineering) and vastly un-useful in others (e.g. most natural sciences).</p>
<p>This old man--how'd you know my S's mind so well?</p>
<p>(I was going to say he's somewhere in between "whatever" and "scared witless" but your post sums it up).</p>
<p>I'm almost embarrassed to post after all these focused, directed kids described here--mine are what they are, and "focus" "direction" and explicit "goals" are not them. They're great people, though!</p>
<p>I entered an MBA program after working a number of years, and I got sooo much more out of the program than if I had entered directly after graduation. I'm sure I contributed a heck of a lot more, as well. There were a lot of team-based projects, problem solving, presentations, case studies... team members with actual business experience were hot commodities.</p>