<p>^Right. So imagine when some of these men go back “on the market” after a divorce. A lot of them are at a complete loss without friends of their own to turn to and explore shared interests with. It’s sad.</p>
<p>My social life is made up of several intersecting and non-intersecting groups of friends. I don’t know what I would do without them. Since I don’t have a spouse or family nearby, I cherish our relationships.</p>
<p>H and I are friends with several couples. Some of them know each other and some don’t. I also have many women friends. I enjoy knowing/being around people. Although I am comfortable being alone, I am not a loner.</p>
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<p>We were also in this same situation when daughter was in 11th grade. Trying to develop our own social circle and develop our own interests since so much of our time was focused on her. We started looking at Meet Up dot com, which are social groups in your area with interests in a particular thing. An example was a wine group that meets every month, we tried that, then we joined a Pub Theology group, which we still do. Husband tried some musician Meet Ups. It was one way of getting out there and widening our social circle. I Did develop a group of mom friends that we dined once amonth, known as mom’s night out. We still get together on occasion although not as often. All of our kids are either in college or have graduated. Most of these moms have moved on or are relocating out of the area.</p>
<p>I think about this all the time. I am not happy with our situation. We have no couple friends. H is a very negative, anti-social person. He will flat out state he hates people. He is so horrible before, during and after an event that I just quit. I hate that he has ruined so many of our kids’ big moment things.</p>
<p>I have a womens’ club that meets once per month. I make maybe half the meetings. I have a couple of other friends I meet for lunch occasionally. I have to do this during the day and fit it in with my job.</p>
<p>He defines successful church as “last in, first out, and run out so you don’t have to say hi or shake anyone’s hand”. Ug.</p>
<p>My parents weren’t super social and my dad had a very demanding job, but they had friends and attended things. We were active within the church family. I am an introvert and would be very happy with a few close friends and attending a few things with couple friends. He has no friends and I do not wonder why.</p>
<p>Sorry for such a negative post 
I just want some friends!</p>
<p>sryrstress, you’re allowed to have friends separate and distinct from your husband. And you’re allowed to meet them after work, not just at lunch during working hours. </p>
<p>The chances are good that the wives will outlive the husbands. I think it’s important to get one’s social circle in order for when that event occurs.</p>
<p>We went to the movies tonight (a rare event for us!!) and ran into not just one, but two couples whom we know. As I said before, even though I’d prefer warmer weather, I lovelovelove running into people I know (and even like!) all around the area. I have no interest in leaving.</p>
<p>ETA: Go to church in two cars. He can leave quickly and you can linger.</p>
<p>My H has way more friends than I do. His friends are my friends (as are their wives) and I “inherited” those friends when we married. But after 25+ years of marriage they are good friends to me now of course but they were his friends first. He’s just a far more social person than I who is somewhat of an introvert. I do have a couple friends that are “mine alone” that I get together with every other month or so and my H has several male friends without wives that he gets together with that I rarely see.</p>
<p>I have a large casual social circle, but don’t feel I’ve done the work I need to at all for the people I’d like to be closer friends. There’s one woman in particular that was a PTA co-pres with me. I adore her, and we keep saying we’ll get together for dinner, but can never seem to find a weekend that works for both families. (Husbands get along fine, though don’t know each other nearly as well as we do. </p>
<p>What I do - once a month see the neighborhood via our meetings. Meetings are always followed by schmoozing with wine and snacks. One neighbor in particular gives regular parties and another not quite such regular ones. The neighborhood itself currently does a summer block party, Oktoberfest and a winter holiday party. I belong to an art association that usually has receptions with the shows, as does the co-op gallery I belong to.</p>
<p>We only go to our relgious organization about three times a year (ushering, greeting and hospitality), but one friend from there invites us to her game nights, which are great fun - usually involve at least some of her theater friends.</p>
<p>Our town has a “Ladies Night Out” once a month, which I occasionally attend, it’s fun when the venue isn’t too loud, which it often is.</p>
<p>I miss my PTA friends, and I’d love to have friends like I did in high school who read the same books and watched the same movies. I’ve found some of those communities on line, but not in real life.</p>
<p>I do two big parties a year, and about 8 dinner parties. I do one brunch.</p>
<p>We tailgate with H’s college friends, even after all these years.</p>
<p>Have a brunch. If you feel like you want more friends, pick an occaison, kentucky derby, or whatnot and have a party. Invite everyone you like. Have a holiday open house.</p>
<p>The first year it might be small, but it will grow as people come to count on it. </p>
<p>I have a friend who does a salon on the first sunday of the month. It’s so fun. </p>
<p>Do a costume party.</p>
<p>Have fun with it. The more of a theme it is, the more acquaintances you can invite.</p>
<p>We went to a halloween party this year and the couple said, “We’ve just been neglecting our lives for our kids for so long and I wanted to have a party.” You can say it.</p>
<p>Our lives are pretty much taken up with work and kids. We have moved multiple times and have no relatives nearby. We literally never go out and just socialize. I meet some people through kids’ schools and EC’s, but these are not people I have much else in common with. I enjoy chatting with them while waiting for kids or volunteering for events together, but conversations are never more than superficial and there is never a suggestion of getting together any other time/place. I will talk to the neighbors if I run into them. A couple ladies and I go out to lunch for birthdays. I tutor and am friends with the moms I work for–but that is a little weird as they are both employers and friends. H has a several men’s church groups that he attends, but the few times they’ve gotten together with wives included, it was sort of awkward. I am an introvert and H has a much more public life professionally. I hate to think I have no friends, but after moving so many times there are really no deep lasting relationships. I don’t feel that I can be truly candid about myself/my life/ my feelings, so there probably isn’t anyone --besides H?–who knows me.</p>
<p>I have seen our social circle change over the years for different reasons. Sometimes friendships with other couples were from our children being friends and that slowly ended as they moved on to other people/places. Sometimes it was because people moved, not even out of state, but much further away, divorce caused a close friendship to lessen, and just being very busy and tired. My husband is more of an introvert and doesn’t miss the extra socialization at all.
I try to go out with women from work when I can and joined a social action commitee to not only help others, but also to meet other people for myself.</p>
<p>sryrstress…my H used to be like that so I did do a lot of socialising by myself and often we would go to events in two cars because he would leave much earlier than me. Like you, I was tired of having to forego fun. We, or rather I had a lot more friends then via the kids and school. Now all 3 have graduated and are far away, most all of my friends have moved and two very good ones passed away far too early. My H has his golfing buddies and his business colleagues, none of whom we socialise with outside of cocktail parties. I do not know if it’s age related but whilst I want friends, I don’t seem to meet any that I’d like to be friends with…it’s lonely.</p>
<p>I was talking to a somewhat younger woman who was living in our state a few years. She was saying how lonely she was, she did gym classes, church, etc. but no one, no matter how friendly, seemed to want to do anything outside of those activities. When she mentioned to one coworker who wanted to see a movie her husband didn’t, she would also like to see it, she seemed in her words “to swallow her gum” and mumbled something. Many people like their “boxes” and don’t want to expland circles or their routine later in life. It’s not impossible, it just takes a little more work and good timing.
She eventually met someone thorough a walking group she read about, but didn’t think it would be so difficult later in life.</p>
<p>Our groups of friends, like many others have said, have evolved over the years. We had a circle based on the kids’ parents friends, some of whom we still see, but mostly not as couples (the wives were really friends, the guys got along.) We have acquired a couple of new couple friends we’re building friendships with more recently–one from my work, one from H’s. We have gotten back in touch with some of our HS friends on FB and hosted some of them at a get-together last summer.</p>
<p>In between, social things tend to be with family; we get together with H’s brother and his wife fairly often, as they have a second home near ours.</p>
<p>But honestly, we can spend long stretches of time just by ourselves–we do a very cozy double-hermit thing many weekends. This weekend we are at the shore; the weather’s been awful so we can’t even go out much, but yesterday I graded papers while H caught up with some other errands and bottled mead. We made dinner together and hung out. This morning we’re both dallying on computers, thinking about schoolwork, and trying to get up nerve for a beach walk in 20+ winds and cold!</p>
<p>And we’re pretty happy with this. We are content to be boring together! (And lucky to share this attribute, I know.)</p>
<p>I agree with Debruns about people being in “boxes” that they don’t really want to emerge from. I may be that way a bit. I am open to friendships but not based on “party” and drinking which honestly is what I see around me. At work, people can’t wait to get home to their glass of wine, on the weekends they are anxious to drop their kids/husbands / whatever so they can go out and eat and drink or watch a and. Wow, that is SO not me!! So I don’t want to come out of my box for that or to be in a situation with those expectations. So, I DO sort,of stay in my box. :)</p>
<p>My H and I both spend a lot of time at home in our empty nest. We’re both introverts. H is usually so tired when he gets home from work that he just wants to relax for a couple of hours before going to bed. We will get together with friends on average about once a month. We’re good friends with three different couples, but there are some other friends and neighbors that we go out with once in awhile. Once my H retires in a couple of years, I can see that we will have more time for socializing. The three couples that we spend the most time with are all going to be retiring within the next few years. Some may end up moving far away which will further reduce our social circle. Who knows where we will end up when we retire. When my parents retired and moved to a popular retirement area, their social circle widened tremendously.</p>
<p>Together, my wife and I have another couple we socialize with, probably an average of 3 times weekly. We often play board games (Settlers of Catan). Sometimes we’ll go out to eat or to hear some music or go to a lecture. Our lives are greatly enhanced by knowing these two. They’re interesting people, we know their (grown) kids etc. It takes years to develop and maintain friendships like this. There are two other couples we see locally but probably only every 3-6 months. </p>
<p>My wife has acquired friends she is still friends with going all the way back to grade school. She meets with them about every two months or so. They all live 1-2 hours away, so that is quite an effort. Also, she has been an RN for 30 some years, working at the same hospital. She has a group of 5 coworkers she’s worked with for years who she is close with. Sometimes we all get together, including husbands. This is really nice. We’ve known these people since our kids were born. We attend an occasional wedding and graduation reception with this people. I’m friendly with the husbands in the group, but not really friends. I’d say my wife’s great accomplishment, besides being a really good mother, is her ability to maintain multiple close friendships spanning decades.</p>
<p>I have two male friends I meet with twice weekly for coffee. We schmooze for 1 to 1-1/2 hours. As a male, I consider myself lucky to have these relationships. My wife says most of her friends’ husbands have no really close friends, only acquaintances.</p>
<p>I find I dont like doing what most people do, I wrote this on the happiness thread. I dont drink, and find that tiresome sometimes. I like to go to plays, movies, lectures, but there isnt much opportunity. I also dont aways have the same values as others and that puts me apart. I dont care about status or money yada yada I have learned to be more superficial, but people mistake my quietness, or reserve for aloofness. I also have a tendency to say it like it is,which doesnt always go well, so I tend to say nothing and shut my mouth. (I am always kind BTW) On the surface it is looks easy. I do find people want to be in their own circle, but I find I am less anxious about meeting people now and more open to doing things with people with a what the heck kind of attitude. Ware traveling to Europe with some friends we met through kids activities. Now the kids are older we are both looking to do grownup things. We dont have to be BFF just compatable.</p>
<p>Ours is complex. We’ve moved a lot and so have many of our close friends so we have close ties all over the country, and even Europe at this point. Family is also scattered. And we’ve made friends quickly in our latest perch. So there’s sort of a lot of layers of friendships. We tend to “date” another couple quite often, just enjoy their company, similar tastes in movies, food, humor. So we are really comfortable getting together with them a couple times per month. Then our neighborhood is really friendly and there are usually a couple things per month with them. And I exercise daily with a good group in our neighborhood. And I have some lady friends from younger kid’s high school here. And then there are our work colleagues – sometimes my DH has the fun ones, sometimes me. This time I do. </p>
<p>So our circle is about as big as we can handle. I’d like to get about a month to go visit some of my friends in different locales.</p>
<p>Have been enjoying getting to know the parents in a nearby town of one of our kid’s college roommates. </p>
<p>You never know where friends will arise.</p>
<p>When DH and I first married, we were out every weekend with our circle of friends. Once we had kids, we severely cut back on going out. We would meet friends for dinner now and then but nothing crazy. We didn’t have the energy and extra spending $?</p>
<p>Anyhow, now that the kids are older, I usually meet friends for lunch or dinner or have a girl’s night out. I am also lucky to have friends in some places my business travels take me. I find I enjoy these one on one or smaller encounters better. DH is happy to be home and now and then meets an old friend for a drink. I honestly do not miss the circle.</p>
<p>I have found that my circles of friends have changed over the years. For a number of years, we did a lot with our D’s friends’ parents; to a lesser extent, we socialized a bit with S’s friends’ parents. Over time, people got busy, kids went off to school, and we don’t hang out anymore. Our kids are older, and H & I enjoy time together at home. We are often too tired to bother going out. We do play euchre with a small group of friends once a month, and H goes out every few months with his fraternity brothers from college. I have a several close friends I talk to a lot, but don’t often see. Those who know me are surprised when I say that I am introverted, since I am not an introvert in a professional setting. In my personal life, however, I enjoy being home with my own family, and I enjoy just plain being alone every so often.</p>