Hi! I’ve been a student at my university for about a month now, and I’m still having trouble adjusting. I absolutely love my classes and I’m a member of a few clubs one of which meets once a week and one that meets 3 times a week. I also really enjoy living on my own - I’m not super homesick. However, socially I feel like I’m having a hard time adjusting. I don’t have a lot of friends yet, and my roommate seems to have clicked with people right away. I hang out with them sometimes, but it’s always awkward and I feel like a third wheel. I also am kind of over it because I’ve hung out with this group of people for a few weeks and they never invite me to activities, but they invite my roommate which makes me feel like they don’t particularly want to invite me. When I invite them to do things, they always say that they’re busy. Also, my roommate hardly talks to me even when we’re in the room at the same time, even if neither of us are doing much and I try to ask her about her day or something. The people I talk to in my classes also have a “group” that they hang out with outside of classes/go to events with, so it feels hard to connect. I guess I’m just wondering if it’s going to be like this the whole year/if it will get better after first semester. I feel like I’m trying pretty hard; I’ve put myself out there a lot and I’m pretty reserved.
TL;DR: I’m having trouble making friends despite being active in campus life, and am wondering if there’s any other tips?
Give it 4 years. I’m not kidding. Part of the value of college - to you and future employers - is your ability to adjust and persevere. You signed up for a 4 year commitment. Don’t get derailed so easily and give it time.
@gaiertl , it seems like you’re doing all the right things as far as joining clubs and “putting yourself out there.” If your roommate and her friends don’t invite you to hang out with them, and they’re too busy when you ask them, then forget about them and move on. You can be friendly without having to be friends. A month is still a short time in the overall big picture. Even though it might seem like everyone is in a band of friends, I can guarantee that a lot of students feel exactly as you do. So keep going to events and meetings that interest you, and continue your effort to be social, and my guess is that you’ll find your squad, even if it takes a bit longer than you thought.
For being at college for such a short time I think you are doing an amazing job. The pervious posters have great advice. The only thing I can add is some reassurance and to tell you to trust yourself. The roommate and her friends just might not be the right match for your so remaining cordial is good but your true friends are out there. Everything you are doing is going to lead you in the right direction. So glad to hear you love your classes! That is huge! I completely agree with the poster who said a lot of students are feeling as you do. Everyone is still adjusting even though they may appear otherwise.
Hang in there, keep it up, you are not alone. Smile, be friendly, if someone is sitting alone in the dining hall, ask “is anyone sitting here? Mind if I joing you?” You never know where it will go from there.
I know (or am pretty sure) you are not my daughter, but your situation sounds exactly like hers. I have no great advice except to let you know you are not alone. If only I could figure out an easy way for all these people that aren’t already in groups to find each other!
It takes time. I’d say just keep what you’re doing. Build experiences with the people you meet,day by day, and just keep going. When you’re a sophomore, you’ll have a bit of history and you’ll find yourself settled in and feeling more at home.
Or not! Everyone’s experience is unique - no one right way for everybody.
But you’re doing well.
I will say, the longer you’re in school, the narrower your circle of acquaintances will become, so cast as wide a net as possible right now, your first year.